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Talk:Tayutama: Kiss on my Deity

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Good articleTayutama: Kiss on my Deity has been listed as one of the Video games good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Article milestones
DateProcessResult
May 18, 2012Good article nomineeListed
Did You Know
A fact from this article appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "Did you know?" column on April 14, 2009.
The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that before its broadcast, the Japanese visual novel Tayutama: Kiss on my Deity's anime adaptation was first exhibited as a video hosted by Media Factory?

Gameplay

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Is it really necessary to have a whole gameplay section devoted to describing how every ADV Drama/Romance Visual Novel on the face of the planet works? --9mystere9 (talk) 10:25, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thing is, the section is neccessary to understand how a game works. Gameplay is part of WP:VG's suggested organization for an article, and it is also in most, if not all, GAs and FAs. Some visual novel articles have modified gameplay sections to reflect features that are unique to the game. This game however, don't really have anything that's unique to its gameplay though, so it just kind of seems to me I am just copy-pasting it from another article, and not having done any work. -- クラウド６６８ 14:56, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Eh, I've always had to deal with the copy/paste nature of the gameplay, but really, I think its a concise way of writing what goes on in a visual novel as a general overview.--十八 23:23, 10 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Article improvements

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After doing some general edits, I realized that while the lead and infobox talks about the spin-off PC release, there's no information about it in the article, so this'd probably deserve a mention in release history. And I don't know if you'd be interested or not, but a creation of the episode list may be useful. Other than that, it looks like a great article so far, though you've also mentioned the Internet radio show and a drama CD in the lead, yet they don't appear in the article itself.--十八 23:23, 10 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for looking at the article. Yeah, I've actually know that I should mention the spin-off release, but didn't do it anyways. I pretty much completely forgot about the drama CD and the radio show though, so thanks for reminding me of that. As for an episode list uhh, I guess I could go ahead and start one, but I am not so sure whether I would find the interest to update it every single week. -- クラウド６６８ 03:01, 13 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I'm watching the anime now, so I guess if no on else did I could update it if need be. Then again, it was just a suggestion; it's not like not having the list will prevent this article from getting to B class.--十八 19:37, 13 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

And... going for GAN now. -- クラウド６６８ 07:18, 15 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Tayutama: Kiss on my Deity/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Juhachi (talk · contribs) 02:37, 17 May 2012 (UTC) GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria[reply]

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:

Comments

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Lead
  • "and was followed by an all-ages release"; this is a little misleading as the infobox states it had a D rating.
    •  Done
  • "The game received a fan disc titled Tayutama: It's Happy Days" ...'in 2009' or 'in May 2009' after the game's title would be good
    •  Done
  • The lead should have a least one line about the game's reception.
    •  Done; added a sentence about the Bishōjo Game Awards.
Gameplay
  • Not really an issue with the section, but something I've been thinking about adding to the general gameplay of VNs. Do you think we should include the fact that choosing the wrong choices can lead to bad ends where the game unexpectedly ends? A line was added to Ef: A Fairy Tale of the Two#Gameplay during it's GAN a few years back. Sometimes bad ends are necessary in order to progress the plot, as in Little Busters!, or in order to see certain CGs. I was also thinking about added a line about one of the goals of a VN is to complete the set of CGs.
    • I guess that depends on the game. Some games like Shuffle! does away with bad endings iirc, and others like True Tears' and To Heart 2's bad endings are just simply endings where you don't end up in a relationship (though the latter's was expanded with the release of Another Days). If bad endings are necessary for progression or completion, we can mention their existence after the sentence "...progress the plot toward a specific heroine's ending" in this article (not that I am planning to use this exact phrasing for future articles, since I only worded it this way because it can be cited), and include a note that it's a prerequisite similar to how you mentioned the "Air" and "Refrain" arcs in Air and Little Busters!.
Plot
  • "Supernatural phenomenon is a" --> Supernatural phenomena are a
    •  Done
  • "in various forms such as humans"; using 'such' here implies there should be at least one more form listed, so I'd recommend writing "in various forms, including humans"
    •  Done
  • Shinto is already linked in the setting/themes, so delink it in characters and story
    •  Done
  • "in Yuri and Mashiro's attempt." This needs clarification. I'd suggest rewriting the last couple sentences into:
    • Mashiro Mito (泉戸 ましろ, Mito Mashiro, voiced by: Noriko Rikimaru), the main heroine of Tayutama, is a Tayutai girl with a high understanding of spiritual powers who is the incarnation of the goddess Kikuramikami no Hime (綺久羅美守毘売, voiced by: Haruka Nagami). She falls in love with Yuri soon after being left in his care, to the extent that she claims to be his wife.[1][2]
    • Several characters become involved in Yuri and Mashiro's attempt to create a world where both humans and Tayutai can coexist together.[2]
      •  Partly done; I rephrased this to something similar to what you have here, but I decided to leave a sentence in Mashiro's bio that describes her wish for human-Tayutai harmony.
  • "into the Flawless department" / "from the Flawless department." Can these just be "into Flawless" and "from Flawless"?
    •  Done
  • "and later finds Mashiro as a grown adult," is slightly misleading, as she later starts attending Flawless, so she at least appears the same age as Yuri and the others.
    •  Done; switched to teenager. I hope that fits.
Development
  • "The limited edition of the It's Happy Days" --> The limited edition of It's Happy Days
    •  Done
  • The link of visual fan book to art book should go in the first instance of the term 'fan book' in the first line of this paragraph
    •  Done; didn't bother with the original game's art book the first time I worked on this article.
  • "An all-ages version"; as mentioned before, it's not exactly all-ages
    •  Done; I got rid of any mentioning of "all-ages" right now. I would add in a sentence about the removal of adult content, but I don't have a source for that.
  • Ending the sentence with 5pb. should probably be avoided because of the double period. How about "5pb. released..."
    •  Done
  • Link drama CD to audio drama or Radio drama in Japan
    •  Done
Printed media
  • "was published by Enterbrain." --> were published
    •  Not done; The subject here is "series", which is singular.
  • "The anime was first broadcast in Japan between April 5 and June 21, 2009 on the Chiba TV broadcasting network as a UHF anime." I realize how difficult it is to cite air dates, but try to at least cite the initial airing on Chiba and the fact that it's a UHF anime.
    •  Partly done; I cited the first episode's air date to an official blog post, but couldn't find any sources mentioning the last episode's (and that should be June 27; my apologiesactually, that should be 21st; I blame the lack of a source). The fact that it's a UHF anime should be somewhat evident from the blog post because of the listing of the various independent stations, but I can take that part out if that's not good enough.
Music
  • "The first music album release was a maxi single entitled" A single isn't an album. Try "The first music release was a maxi single..."
    •  Done
  • "Of the thirty-one tracks" should probably be converted to 31.
    •  Done
  • You're missing some releases, including the anime's ending theme and OST, and any other albums
    •  Done; eh, somehow I never bothered with this section. I rewrote part of the first paragraph (hopefully not turning it worse) to cover the 360 version's theme songs, and included the other releases in the second paragraph. The anime didn't get a soundtrack release.
Reception
  • Luckily, the game came out right before Ecstasy, so there's an archive at PC Press for the game you can add.
    •  Done

--十八 02:43, 17 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Added most of the fixes. Thanks for the review! -- クラウド６６８ 10:42, 17 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Great work with the article and the various improvements. Now on to the next project!--十八 10:45, 18 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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  1. ^ Cite error: The named reference tayutama_mashiro was invoked but never defined (see the help page).
  2. ^ a b Untranslated quote: 「さあ、五百年越しの夢を叶える時です！人間と太転依が共存できる新しい世の中を、私たち夫婦で切り開きましょう！」
    Translated quote: "Now, this is when a dream comes true after five hundred years! Let us create a new world where humans and Tayutai can coexist together as a couple!"
    Lump of Sugar (July 11, 2008). Tayutama: Kiss on my Deity (in Japanese).
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