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GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Mata Nui Online Game/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Npthura (talk · contribs) 01:35, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this article. Expect comments within a few days. Npthura (talk) 01:35, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead
  • "is a 2001 point-and-click adventure Adobe Flash-based browser game..." This sentence sounds wonky. Is it possible to remove "Flash-based" and put the engine in the "Background and release" section? The only time Flash is mentioned in that section is in the "Re-releases" part, and it could probably be acknowledged earlier.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:21, 22 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and retrospective reviews have highlighted its distinctive art style..." Reviewers don't really mention that.
    Done; replaced instead with a mention of its enduring popularity. Toa Nidhiki05 03:21, 22 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is it possible to mention in the infobox some of the people that helped developed the game (e.g. designers, programmers, artists)?
    The game doesn't feature any formal credits, so beyond people coming in after-the-fact it's not really possible to do so from reliable sources; the composer for example has done interviews, but the podcast itself isn't notable. There is an event coming up on August 8th from a prominent Bionicle fan group which will feature some of the designers as well as Peter Mack (the founder of Templar), which should be sufficient to establish a list at that point. Toa Nidhiki05 03:21, 22 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Background and gameplay
  • According to the pages cited for Makuta's Guide to the Universe, the pages don't really mention anything about a village elder.
    Corrected source. Toa Nidhiki05 02:45, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...and became the primary story medium for the 2001..." Remove "for the 2001" as it makes the sentence sound wonky, and it's already mentioned that the game was a major factor in the 01-03 story.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 02:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wikilink "non-playable characters".
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 02:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Throughout the game, the player interacts with non-playable characters throughout the island." It was already mentioned that NPCs can be interacted with.
    Removed. Toa Nidhiki05 02:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...a Game Boy Advance game released in October 2001." Rephrase this to: "...a video game released in 2001."
    I've removed Game Boy Advance but I feel having a concrete date is important given the game was released before MNOG concluded its release, and it is a prequel. Toa Nidhiki05 02:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference 8 just redirects to Lego Bionicle: Quest for the Toa.
    It's citing the game for a cutscene. Elaborated to make that clearer. Toa Nidhiki05 02:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The entire second paragraph needs rephrasing. It should go something like this: Mata Nui Online Game is a browser-based point-and-click adventure game. During the game, the player controls Takua, a villager on the island of Mata Nui. Takua was also the playable character in Lego Bionicle: Quest for the Toa, a a video game released in 2001. The events of Mata Nui Online Game pick up immediately after the events of Quest for the Toa, where Takua summons the Toa and is launched onto the beaches of Ta-Koro, having lost his memories. The player can move throughout the world of Mata Nui by moving their cursor to the left and right side of the screen and clicking when an icon appears. Objects and characters in the world can be interacted with; some items can be presented to non-playable characters or used in the world. The player later gains access to a flute, which can be used to fast travel to any of the island's villages. Since the game was released in episodes each month, the content of future episodes was teased by looking through an in-game telescope.
    Replaced with a modified version of this. Toa Nidhiki05 15:10, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'll have more comments later. If you have any questions or if you think my comments are incorrect, let me know. Npthura (talk) 18:57, 17 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Plot
  • "He learns the village has been attacked by a Rahi and offers to help." What is a Rahi?
  • Is it possible to just not mention the Turagas' names and just call them "the Turaga"? They don't really seem to have that much effect on the plot.
    It would be possible to do this, but they actually play a larger role in the story than the Toa generally as they are characters the player interacts with on a regular basis. This simply isn't recorded in as much detail because it's more of a gameplay element than a plot one.
  • "...a star Koli player..." What is Koli?
  • "...Nokama awards Takua the title and task of Chronicler." What is a Chronicler?
  • In general, there seems to be some sentences that could be simplified or removed since they don't contribute to the plot that much, and there are also many in-universe terms that have not been defined in the article that a casual reader might not know.
    I will try and address this. I tried to avoid getting too far into explaining lore - not the point of this project. But I can very briefly explain these concepts in the background section. But the basic ones: Rahi are the island's wild animals, Koli is a ball sport (think soccer, but with four different teams and fewer players), Chronicler is basically someone who travels and records major events as they happen. I'll find a way to explain these as briefly as possible. Toa Nidhiki05 01:05, 18 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    I've provided explanations of the Rahi in the background section and explained what Koli and the Chronicler are in the plot section. This should resolved most of these issues. Toa Nidhiki05 01:22, 18 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Background and release
  • Wikilink Templar Studios the first time it's mentioned.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:07, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mata Nui Online game was a key part..." Capitalize the last word of the game and italicize it.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:07, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...as it introduced players to the world and allowed them to explore it." Replace "the world" with "Mata Nui" as to be clear to what the article is addressing.
    Changed to "the world of Mata Nui"; think it flows better. Toa Nidhiki05 03:07, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the sources cited for the fifth sentence of the first paragraph, Reference 11 doesn't really mention the information that is used in the sentence.
    Removed. Toa Nidhiki05 03:11, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...including the Mata Nui Online Game." Remove "the".
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 15:02, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • You should mention that the game was released in episodes and why before going into when the episodes were released.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:11, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first episode of Mata Qui Online Game..." Correct the spelling of the game.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:11, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the first sets from the Bionicle toy line itself were not launched until May and June 2001." I know the game has a very close connection with the Bionicle franchise and how it originated, but this sentence seems pretty unnecessary.
    The context here is that the game was released before the toy line was. Given the emphasis the article has on the marketing aspect of the game, I think it's worth noting. Toa Nidhiki05 03:11, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the sentence cited by Reference 16, the reference only mentions that the game was developed gradually in an episodic format. It doesn't go into the specifics of when it was updated, which you say is monthly.
    Replaced with "regularly". Toa Nidhiki05 03:19, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Lego hoped this approach would allow interest in the line to be maintained throughout the first year of the Bionicle line." Change this to: "Lego hoped this approach would allow interest in the line to be maintained throughout its first year."
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:19, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the source cited for the first sentence of the "Māori controversy" section, the source stated that only a user on an online forum wanted action taken for the words, rather than Māori representatives.
    I believe the extended piece beyond the preview goes into more detail. Regardless, I've added the BBC link as well which does discuss this. Toa Nidhiki05 03:19, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the sentence where Lego denied cultural appropriation, you should state that Lego didn't want to interfere with Polynesian cultures when making Bionicle.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:19, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Reception and legacy
  • "Leah Weston, the senior developer of Bionicle.com, said that LEGO was..." Why was all the letters of Lego capitalized in this sentence, but doesn't remain consistent in prior sentences?
    No reason. Fixed. Toa Nidhiki05 03:26, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the first sentence of the third paragraph, the article cited only talks about the Bionicle franchise, not the actual game.
    The section it is talking about in the article comes directly from the game. The article itself focuses on Bionicle as a play concept and notes the centrality of MNOG for Bionicle play. The specific sequence cited (the confrontation with Makuta) is only depicted in this game and the quote comes directly from the game. Toa Nidhiki05 03:26, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "noted the game's depiction..." The game's depiction of what?
    Removed "depiction"
  • "In April 2020 J. Brodie Shirey of Screen Rant..." Add a comma after the date.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 03:26, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • More to come later. Again, if you have any questions or if you think my comments are incorrect, let me know. Npthura (talk) 00:41, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
References
  • For Reference 1, the wikilink for Papercutz is linked to the band, not the publisher.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 02:53, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Although primary sources are fine to use in small quantities in articles, there seems to be many uses of primary sources throughout the article. Is it possible to minimize that?
    I'll try. Most of this is just for plot stuff, which can be trimmed. Toa Nidhiki05 02:53, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    I've trimmed three primary sources and merged another two. Toa Nidhiki05 13:23, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • According to WP:RSP, Medium is considered unreliable.
    Medium is unreliable, but this is a direct comment from the Templar Studios founder. The only thing cited here is from the templar person himself. I can try and get direct confirmation from him that these are his comments, if you'd like. 02:51, 19 July 2021 (UTC)
  • I also thought of Did You Know Gaming? as unreliable, but I saw the in-depth explanation you gave when a user confronted you about the reliability of the source, so I'm fine with it.
Images

The fair-use rationales of both images aren't completely filled in.

I'm done with the comments now. Once again, if you have any questions or if you think my comments are incorrect, let me know. Npthura (talk) 02:18, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, Npthura! All of the comments should either be fixed or addressed/commented on. When you have time, let me know what else needs to be dealt with Toa Nidhiki05 15:10, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Toa Nidhiki05, I have three things that you need to address in order for this article to be eligible for GA status. Firstly, you must have accidentally deleted the "Infobox and lead" section of the review that had a few comments in it. I have added that section back.
Secondly, the comment "you should mention that the game was released in episodes and why before going into when the episodes were released" wasn't really addressed. I wanted the paragraph I was mentioning to change to go something like this: The game was updated regularly with new content, which allowed Lego to advance the story of Bionicle throughout the year. Lego hoped this approach would allow interest in the line to be maintained throughout its first year. Templar referred to these updates internally as "programs"; the game initially featured only the beach area, but expanded to include all villages on the island of Mata Nui and culminate with the Toa's battle with Makuta. The first episode of Mata Nui Online Game was released in January 2001; the first sets from the Bionicle toy line itself were not launched until May and June 2001. The final episode was released in December 2001. The development team at Templar Studios, based in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, witnessed the September 11 attacks from their office; the final chapters of the game, including the dialogue for Makuta during his fight with the Toa, were influenced by the event.
Lastly, if possible, then it would be great to get confirmation for the comments in the Medium source.
That is all. Npthura (talk) 17:50, 20 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I've made the corrections for the inbox section. I've also emailed Peter Mack (who I previously corresponded with regarding some of the awards the game received) about the interview; the last email took over a month to respond, so I am not sure how quickly he will be able to do so. As of now, that interview is cited once regarding the game's origins. The rest is coming shortly. Toa Nidhiki05 03:21, 22 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Npthura, the final issue you mentioned (the paragraph) has been addressed now. All that's outstanding is the confirmation from Peter Mack regarding the medium piece. Toa Nidhiki05 03:36, 23 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
That's great. Hopefully Mack will reply soon. Npthura (talk) 14:16, 23 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Actually, I may have confirmation right now, Npthura: Templar Studios Tweeted about the YouTube video version of the article. That's direct confirmation Templar is aware and approves of it. Toa Nidhiki05 23:45, 23 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
All my comments have been addressed, except for the third comment in the "Infobox and lead" section. However, listing the developers of the game is not required by the GA criteria or Manual of Style for video games, and the developers can always be added later on. As such, I will be promoting this article to GA status. Good work, Toa Nidhiki05. Npthura (talk) 02:27, 24 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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