Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Say Hello to My Little Friend/archive1

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

Prose comments from Crisco 1492

"appears to let Michael know that he sees himself through the window and Michael chases after him." - Michael sees Michael or...?
- Done
"Michael starts to believe that his son is really dead, remembers the crash, yet again, with additional information." - Missing a conjunction after "dead"
- Done
Dr. Lee is in both realities?
- Done
series creator Kyle Killen and Leonard Chang - Creator or creators? If the former, perhaps "Leonard Chang and series creator Kyle Killen"
- Done
"Chang's second piece of acknowledgment for the show." - What? Perhaps clarify a bit
- Done
Clear the unused parameters from your cite templates, having them makes the code difficult to read.
- Done. Its fair enough.
Couple of sentences in #production start "Killen"
- It is suppose to, as per WP:MOS, which states after its first use, it should/will be referred to by last name. Cheers.
  - I think he is saying that the prose sounds choppy to keep repeating the same word; perhaps rephrase a sentence so it doesn't begin with "Killen". TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 08:18, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - That's correct, TRLI. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:20, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      - Done. I've changed it up. Cheers.
"This entry uses the "1ATR10" production code." - Either trim as cruft (good for a list, not an article) or rephrase as "This entry's production code was "1ATR10"."
- Done. Still kept it, but changed her up. Regards.
titular "little guy"? What's titular about that in universe? Perhaps merge with the next sentence to become ""Say Hello to My Little Friend" marked the first appearance of Hawkins, a detective who was the titular "little guy" from the series' second episode, "The Little Guy".
- Done
Everything after "Shortly after this episode was broadcast," would do better in the broadcast section
- I disagree. All of that info is to do with the production information, not broadcast. Broadcast it about the episode's broadcast, and ratings. This is about cancellation, which should be a part of production. IMO.
  - If they announced it after the episode was broadcast, I think it would go better below. If it was announced during production I'd agree with you. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:55, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - Okay; fair enough. Done.
"This installment featured "Bohemian Rhapsody", a song by Queen; the song was played by Rex and Hannah in this entry." - Redundant to the plot, methinks.
- Done
"Although it did not directly impact the ongoing storyline of Awake," - Didn't it reveal one of the killers? That sentence is really long, BTW, and should be trimmed.
- Done
"dabbling in crooked cops and god only knows what else" - small g in the original? Might want to use {{sic}}
- Done. I just made it upper case, so.
HitFix called the following two episodes - Couple issues. Surely the writer called the episodes something. Also, the phrasing is awkward. Perhaps "Say Hello to My Little Friend" and the following two episodes"
- Done
I did a copyedit, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:18, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay; thanks for reviewing! I'm finishing up those last few issues still above. Cheers, TBran dl ey 08:17, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Still a couple things up there. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:02, 18 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - I see. I have addressed all of the above issues, and now, hope you can support this nomination. Cheers, TBran dl ey 01:50, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      - Done the last and final (I'm hoping) issue. Cheers, TBran dl ey 02:08, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        The issue above the HitFix one does not appear done. TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 02:12, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        Oh, thanks. Its done. TBran dl ey 02:18, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]