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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Frank's Cock/archive1

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Addressed comments from TBrandley

[edit]

Comments

  • "short film directed" missing "that was" after "film"
  • "directed and written" shouldn't "written" by first, I've seen that, and it seems to make more sense, per the fact it is more notable?
  • "and written by Mike Hoolboom and" too many "and" in there. At the last one, I'd change it to "being produced by ...", etc.
  • "including Best" add "the" before "Best"
  • "In turn, the narrator" don't understand the first part
  • Dropped "in turn"
  • Per MOS:ACRO, spell out "HIV" fully with brackets () at the end
  • "1988 or 1989" why is the year in question? Can that be explained?
  • "describe the film" should be "described"?
  • How is "Official Website" a work? Also, speaking of that, it should be the actual website name, not "Official Website"
  • Done

TBrandley 23:56, 8 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]