Wikipedia:Featured article review/Barack Obama/archive8

Barack Obama

Featured article candidates/Barack Obama

My good faith comments were removed and then the FAR closed. This shows bad faith, particularly the removal.

I am hereby, submitting a new FAR as a result.

One problem is that the prose is bad and there is constant edit warring. Accusations of socks fly when edit warriors can no longer justify their POV pushing.

Let's be constructive. Here is just one tiny section, foreign policy of his presidency. How can we improve it.

Current version

In February and March, Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton made separate overseas trips to announce a "new era" in U.S. foreign relations with Russia and Europe, using the terms "break" and "reset" to signal major changes from the policies of the preceding administration.[138] Obama's granting of his first television interview as president to an Arabic cable network, Al Arabiya, was seen as an attempt to reach out to Arab leaders.[139] - - On March 19, Obama continued his outreach to the Muslim world, releasing a New Year's video message to the people and government of Iran.[140] This attempt at outreach was rebuffed by the Iranian leadership.[141] In April, Obama gave a speech in Ankara, Turkey, which was well received by many Arab governments.[142] On June 4, 2009, Obama delivered a speech at Cairo University in Egypt calling for "a new beginning" in relations between the Islamic world and the United States and promoting Middle East peace.[143] - - On June 26, 2009, in response to the Iranian government's actions towards protesters following Iran's 2009 presidential election, Obama said: "The violence perpetrated against them is outrageous. We see it and we condemn it."[144] On July 7, while in Moscow, he responded to a Vice President Biden comment on a possible Israeli military strike on Iran by saying: "We have said directly to the Israelis that it is important to try and resolve this in an international setting in a way that does not create major conflict in the Middle East."[145] - - On September 24, 2009, Obama became the first sitting U.S. President to preside over a meeting of the United Nations Security Council.[146]

- Critique:

- Just a bunch of mumbo jumbo references pieced together. No unifying theme. Picture is just not the most relevant. Choice of topics shows undue weight. UN meeting is pure trivia. Only covers Israel, which is not a comprehensive view of foreign policy. This is a serious error in the article and is only one reason why it needs improvement to keep FA. Here's a way to improve it.

Possible improvement, not the only version, but a start.

- (ok, the theme seems to be reaching out) - In February and March 2009, Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton made separate overseas trips to announce a "new era" in U.S. foreign relations with Russia and Europe, using the terms "break" and "reset" to signal major changes from the policies of the preceding administration.[138] Mention a sentence and find a reference that Obama cancelled missile defense in Poland and the Czech Republic, reversing a plan that the Russians strongly opposed. - - Obama's granting of his first television interview as president to an Arabic cable network, Al Arabiya, was seen as an attempt to reach out to Arab leaders.[139] (video to Iran is just trivia, removed) Obama delivered speeches overseas, seen as an outreach to the Muslim world, such as an April 2009 speech in Ankara, Turkey and a June 4, 2009 speech at Cairo University in Egypt calling for "a new beginning" in relations between the Islamic world and the United States and promoting Middle East peace.[143] Obama also (many references exists, can adjust wording^[1]) sought to close the Guantanamo Bay prison to end rallying point by Muslim critics. Obama protested against Israeli settlements in occupied territories prompting the Israel ambassador to state that a new 35 year low in U.S.-Israeli relations^[2] - - Obama's foreign policy also involved problems with Iran regarding democracy and uranium enrichment. On June 26, 2009, in response to the Iranian government's actions towards protesters following Iran's 2009 presidential election, Obama said: "The violence perpetrated against them is outrageous. We see it and we condemn it."[144] Find references about the effort to have sanctions against Iran for nuclear activity then add a sentence. (removed sentence about chairing a UN meeting, which is just trivia and not a major factor of the man's foreign policy) - - Make a brief mention of Obama declaring himself as the first Pacific President/add reference. - - - The above tries and is a better summary of Obama's foreign policy section (covers Obama's desire to talk with American enemies - Russia, Middle East, Iran, Pacific). The exact wording is not important but the suggestion is a way to have a unifying theme and not a disjointed list of referenced sentences. - - This is just one example. Now multiply it by 10-20 sections and you can see that it is not a FA. The article is just a list of referenced sentences, but not good prose. This article can be fixed. Let's try to fix the foreign policy section. If it can't be fixed without edit warring, then that is additional proof that this is not an FA article. If it can be fixed without edit warring, then that's great for the article. Judith Merrick (talk) 19:06, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This WP:FAR was removed because /archive7 was just closed yesterday. A new FAR may be submitted in three months or so, if issues haven't been addressed. See WP:FAR instructions. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:40, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

[1] ttp://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/05/21/obama.speech/index.html

[2] ttp://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8567706.stm

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