User talk:Sophbonn/Environmental issues in Thailand

adding two elements to my section:

a) The ecosystem services provided by Mangroves and their role in mitigating climate change (also maybe a sentence on economic value of Mangroves in Thailand)

b) Mangrove restoration initiatives in Thailand

maybe make mangrove protection initiatives its own subsection?

Sophbonn (talk) 17:23, 21 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

First draft Feedback

Overall, the paragraph is having a solid structure, starting with the discussion about the concerns of the community, moving on to the government's response, and wrapping up some examples of mitigation policies. Here are some suggestions.

The sentences associated with Source #7 & #8 need to be catered toward the problem in Thailand. Word use: “Tai communities”? => “communities in Thailand” (Tai is an ethnic label. Many Tai groups live in Vietnam and Laos.)

“Mangroves provide Tai communities with profit opportunities, mainly through agriculture and tourism” – how so? Add some phrases to provide specifics.

Source #9 is good – Its argument seems to be about a specific case study in the Andaman coast of Thailand but your sentence is about a general subject. Rewrite this sentence by using the core analysis of source #9. What specific challenges to restoration mentioned in this source?

The sentences with source #10, 11, and 12 look good. You want to list the four communities studied in source 11 in your paragraph. This helps your paragraph become specific.

The PES point is also good, but you want to add some specific information about Thailand. Hieup (talk) 16:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup[reply]

Full draft Feedback

Congratulations for your contribution to our Wikipedia project. Before moving your article live, please leave a message to your peer reviewer on the Talk Page of the User talk:Sophbonn/Environmental issues in Thailand/Devashree818 Peer Review and check the following suggestions:

If you don't edit the Lead section, please remove it from your Sandbox Draft.
I don't think you should create a new section on mangrove restoration because "Mangroves and beach erosion" is already a sub-section. I think merging the restoration issue to this current section is doable.
Here is my suggestion for the way you insert your sentence in the first paragraph:

It is estimated that Thailand in 1961 had 3,500 km2 of mangrove forests. By 2004 that number was less than 2,000 km2 according to the Thai government.[4] Thailand had a 2018 Forest Landscape Integrity Index mean score of 6.00/10, ranking it 88th globally out of 172 countries.[6] Mangrove wetlands are among the leading habitats in carbon sequestration; deforestation or degradation of these habitats poses risks to global carbon accumulation.[7] Mangrove wetlands are hypothesized to dampen the intensity of tsunami force.[8] Coastal areas in Thailand have been seriously degraded by expansion of commercial fishing, shrimp aquaculture, industry, and tourism, causing much of biodiversity losses.[3] (add note ) According to Thailand's deputy transport minister, some of Thailand's attractive beaches may be lost within ten years. "If we don't do anything, there will be no attractive beaches left", he said.[5] The marine department, part of the transport ministry, manages Thailand's 3,000 km of shoreline in 23 coastal provinces. Some 670 km of shoreline exhibits severe erosion, with land being lost to the sea at a rate of more than five metres per year. To combat erosion, sections of Pattaya Beach in Chonburi Province are being topped up with more than 300,000 m3 of sand at a cost of 429 million baht. A two kilometer stretch of Chalatat Beach in Songkhla is being restored at a cost of 300 million baht.[5]

As for the paragraph you added, the first two sentences are repetitive and don't directly talk about restoration. Use the citation you have for this sentence to create an additional citation for the sentence starting with "Coastal areas in Thailand have been seriously degraded by expansion " in the previous paragraph. Alternatively, you can move these two sentences to the place after the sentence that ends with "their economic growth."
Add hyperlinks to the terms referring to these provinces: Phuket, Phang Nga, and Trang (Make sure that you add the correct hyperlinks).
" payment for ecosystem services, (PES) " ==> move the comma to behind (PES)

I hope these suggestions help. Please reply Yes to acknowledge that you read my message. Thanks! Hieup (talk) 04:26, 6 April 2022 (UTC)hieup[reply]

yesSophbonn (talk) 16:14, 11 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]