User talk:Laura.silverstein1/sandbox

Great job!! Please see outstanding reviewer comments below. References are good but require some edits in formatting as noted below. Please let me know if you have any questions. --Amille75 (talk) 04:50, 7 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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General comments: • Main message: Secale cereale is significant in nutritional value as well as in improving other crops. • Well worded and easy to understand • I like how you transitioned from what was already written • I like how you sum up the paragraphs at the end • How are the antifreeze properties different? • What are rye species

Grammar: • “Along with Secale cereale’s” – apostrophe added • “It was discovered…” - What possesses? I think there may be noun verb disagreement. • Scientific names look good

References: • 5 references from scientific journals • It says template before all of your references just so you know. • Year goes after authors • Make sure journal is italicized

McKenna Murphy

1. General Comments

Upon reading this draft, I felt that the author understood and effectively synthesized the vast amount of research that she did on Secale cereale. I appreciated how the content made sense and was easy to follow.
One suggestion I have is to introduce the antifreeze property of S. cereale before going into further detail about this unique characteristic
As I was reading the article, I had no further questions as I think the author did a thorough job of introducing this new information.

2. Grammar

I saw no spelling errors and all scientific names are written correctly.
One suggestion I have is to try to avoid using the passive voice as much because it sounds less vague, for example: “Researchers are able to pinpoint certain proteins” VS. “ Researchers have now been able to pinpoint certain proteins. Similarly “Secale cereale is known to improve the soil caliber” VS. “Secale cereale has been known to improve the soil caliber”. I think it conveys the same information in a more direct way and gives more credit to the action. However, I understand the passive voice has more of an “authoritative” tone, which can be useful in an encyclopedia article.
Missing the word “it”, change the tense of harvest to match with “minimized” in the sentence: “Moreover, this research also suggests that the biomass of this plant changes at different stages of growth, so it can be minimized by selecting a specific growth stage in which it is harvested.”
To maintain subject/verb agreement, I suggest changing “the methane production of Secale cerale were heightened during the pre-maturing stage” to “the methane production of Secale cerale was heightened during the pre-maturing stage”.
In the second to last sentence of the first paragraph, I suggest to use “unfavorable” instead of “unbeneficial” because I think it conveys the idea in a better way.
In the second paragraph, change to “Along with Secale cereale’s relationship and impact on the environment, it is also a valuable species.” “Amazing” implies too much subjectivity in a contribution that is supposed to be objective.
I suggest to change “combination plant” to “hybrid plant” to utilize more scientific terminology.

3. References

Yes, there are five references and all are from scientific journals.
For references 1-4, I think the full citation is required (with all of the author’s names listed) instead of using “et al.”
The year should be in parentheses immediately after the last author's name.
The journal name should be italicized.
This is more of a formatting issue, but each reference is preceded with “Template:” I wonder if the author could use a different method to cite the references so that that does not appear.

Overall I thought you did a fantastic job on the assignment and I learned a lot! --96.35.145.169 (talk) 23:37, 30 November 2015 (UTC)Jesguerr[reply]

General Comments:

Secale cereale article is well thought out and written accordingly
I enjoyed the depth of knowledge brought to light in this article
Could more categories be used to further distinguish differences in text details?

Grammar:

No off-hand obstructive grammar errors found
Could incorporate a few sentences together through commas and avoid repetitive sentence structure
Sentences flow well, however defining the subcategories with this article will help refine the information into a more structured format

References:

5 distinct scientific articles are referenced in the article
References are cited correctly
Overall, very good article!

--Sgorukan (talk) 15:53, 1 December 2015 (UTC)sgorukan[reply]