User:ActuallyNeverHappened02/The Wikipedian Constitution
 | This is a humorous essay. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously. |
Articles I-V (The Five Pillars of Wikipædia)
[edit]Article I
[edit]Wikipædia shall be an encyclopædia of the Internet and it shall be considered highly forbidden to treat it as an encyclopædia of paper, a lexicon, a newspaper, a thinking place, a promotion car (this specific act is highly discouraged and shall be struck down as an act of vandalism; see further below.), a normal site of the Internet, a mirror of a normal site of the Internet, a basement of media, a basement of the media, a Craigslistian site, a random collection of information, a censored site, a uncensored site, a peer-reviewed journal, a crystal ball, a democracy, a bureaucracy, a laboratory, a battleground, an anarchy, being compulsory, or a very long list of terrible, terrible ideas. Failure to meet this condition shall result in thy blocking (or heaven forbid, banishing) from Wikipædia.
Article II
[edit]Wikipædia shall be a neutral encyclopædia, and as such, it shall be considered forbidden for thee to express one point of view (the cool kids call this POV nowadays, we're not sure why) with muckle weight than the other. Thou shall use Wikipædia and edit it in a way that fairly represents both sides equally and proportionately. Bias is forbidden, and if this condition is not met, thou shall be blocked for thy actions.
Article II, Section 1
[edit]Thou shall be forbidden to state thy thinking (houev'r controversial it shall be) as the truth. Thou are meant to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Thou shall also be forbidden to state the truth as thy thinking. Thou shall be forbidden to judge on the topics of this encyclopædia and to say solely about one view of said topics.
Article II, Section 2
[edit]Thou shall check for the name, structure, and phrasing of a page to see if there is such place for claims of presumed or actual bias. Thou shall make sure of the page that each claim is presented proportionately, so conspiracy theories and other stupid crap (wow, that got deep) get shown less because they are crap. Thou shall add good research (no bias there either) and remove weaselly weasel words and other crappy crap from pages.
Article II, Section 3
[edit]Thou may find users disputing thy edits in bias' name. When this shall be the case, then clearly state biased sayings, make needed assumings, and do not ever ever ever ever ever create forks of viewings.
Article III
[edit]Thou shall use the texts of Wikipædia under the terms of CC BY-SA 3.0 (and for the most part, the GFDL as well) for any purpose thee may wish to undertake. Thou shall use the non-text media of Wikipædia under various licenses given they art all consistent with the Wikimædia Foundation Licensing Policy, and in the case where it shall remain not free, claim fair use under the terms of your country's law and hope that thee don't fail (and thou motht likely would).
Article IV
[edit]Thou shall be nice to all users of Wikipædia and all users of Wikipædia shall be nice to thee. Assume good faith in every move of your fellow Wikipædian brethren (more info on this later; see further below) and do not attack ad hominem or ad harassum. In the case thee seeth users displaying true incivility on Wikipædia, respond ad apologizum, ad removium, ad resolutium, and, in the absolute worst possible case, ad bloccum for incivility.
Article V
[edit]If thou seeth one rule whit prevents them from helping Wikipædia, ignore it to thy best abilities.