Talk:Snorlax/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Nominator: Pokelego999 (talk · contribs) 23:23, 11 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Ca (talk · contribs) 13:52, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will be reviewing this article for the July Backlog Drive! Since I am still new to GA reviewing, only having done 2 reviews prior, an experienced reviewer will also be taking a look. Of course, feel free to raise concerns or ask questions.

Well written?[edit]

The article is professionally written and is understandable for most audiences. However, I did find some places that could be improved for clarity and a broader audience.

Lead: Firstly, I feel as if the leading sentence is a bit clunky. I recommend taking out the bit about Pocket Monster, since it is a lesser known expansion of pokemon, and is irrelevant to Snorlax itself.

Fixed. Missed that when I did my initial edits to this article. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

In its English-language appearances, it was originally voiced by Michael Haigney, Ted Lewis and currently James Carter Cathcart. Does this mean Lewis and Haigney were both voice actors in the original English release or that Lewis came after Haigney?

Removed, as a lot of that information isn't in the body, and I forgot to remove it when I removed the uncited material in the article. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Conception and characteristics: An earlier design, nicknamed "Kabiin," highly resembles Snorlax and Nishino, and is thus believed to be a beta version of Snorlax. Consider changing "beta" to "earlier" for those unfamiliar with software development terminology.

Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

...appearance or features as a means to make the characters more relatable to American children "as means to" sounds awkward here. How about simply "to"?

Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

...localizer Bill Giese renamed the species Snorlax "renamed" might confuse readers, since the Japanese name stayed the same.

Changed simply to "named the species in American releases..." Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

lackadaisical Consider linking this word to wiktionary

Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

via breeding a Snorlax that is holding Full Incense Clarify Full Incense is a in-game item

Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Appearances: Snorlax is among the handful of Pokemon to possess a unique Z-Move. In Snorlax's case, it can use Pulverizing Pancake as long as it is holding Snorlium Z and knows Giga Impact This is a bit overwhelming for those who didn't play pokemon. How about adding labels like "Snorlax is among the handful of Pokemon to possess a unique attack ability Z-Move. In Snorlax's case, it can use its ability Pulverizing Pancake as long as it is holding the item Snorlium Z and knows the skill Giga Impact"

Reworded. Let me know if this description suffices. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Promotion and reception: Following earthquakes, Niantic boosted the spawn rates of Snorlax in affected prefectures in order to boost tourism in the area In which game?

Can't believe I forgot to include that. Fixed. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A road in Las Vegas was named after Snorlax Recommend wikilinking the city

Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

IGN editor "Pokémon of the Day Chick" Is Pokémon of the Day Chick a series of article or something? Clarification is needed.

They're an author going under a pseudonym. Not sure it's necessary in the article given that many other pseudonym-based authors without known identities often don't have this kind of clarification. Let me know what you feel should be done, in this case. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I recommend removing the name since it doesn't help readers identify the author and only causing confusion. "Pokémon of the Day Chick" does not appear to be a notable figure. Ca ^{talk to me!} 07:22, 3 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I replaced this reference with one from Den of Geek, a reliable source per WP:VG/S. The ref was an accidental duplicate as is.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:01, 3 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Manual of Style: I feel as if the second paragraph of the lead could be merged to the first one or be expanded. The bit about Pokémon Sleep is awkwardly tacked on, and I don't think it's mascot appearance in an obscure game is all that notable. Maybe it could be added to a prior paragraph mentioning "spin-off titles like as the mascot of Pokemon Sleep". Consider including some more details about reception too.

I expanded out the lead. I don't think with what we have though we can push it much bigger than that sadly.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:30, 3 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Nitpick: Ref 17 has a cite error. Although not required by the criteria, it would be nice to have consistency in linking publication and adding all the basic parameters like publisher, author, date, which some citations lack. Ca ^{talk to me!} 07:22, 3 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:01, 3 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]