Will begin review soon! — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 00:45, 28 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- References - PLEASE DO FIRST
- Delink Rap-Up in reference five.
- Ref 8 is missing author's last name?
- Ref 9, author's name isn't known. its not Gatecrasher.
- Ref 12, add date and add publisher: New York Media
- Ref 13, add publisher and date, consistant with other Rap-Up references
- Ref 14, add author
- Ref 18, add author
- Ref 19 needs to be made consistant with the other MTV source.
- Ref 24, add author
- Ref 25, "Thursday" isn't the author's name.
- I will get to these in a bit. I thought I had already fixed up the refs before I nominated the article, I guess not. I rely too much on Webreflinks, I know. xD Zac 22:14, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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- Introduction
- No dabs.
 Done
- Terius "The Dream " → said person is never referred to this in way. Either call him "The-Dream" or "Terius Nash".
- the sentences don't read well or flow well. Try
- "Written and produced by The-Dream and Tricky Stewart, "Run the World" was one of several songs recorded with The-Dream and Stewart following Lopez's move from Epic Records to Island Records. Originally the track featured vocals from The-Dream and a rap verse from American rapper Rick Ross however the rap verse was removed during mastering process and The-Dream was credited with background vocals instead."
- "type of love when you come together you make each other better" → if this is a quote then it needs a reference per WP:LEAD
- Background
- This sentence "Ross' rap was removed at the last minute, with it still being reported in February 2011, three months before the release of Love?, that he was featured on the track." isn't written well. How about In a February 2011 article about the then-upcoming release of Love? by Rap-Up magazine, Lopez called "Run the World" featuring Ross one of her favourite songs on the album. Three months later upon release, it was evidence that Ross' verse was removed during mastering process.?
- add date for Rap-Up reference.
- Music and lyrics
- "Run the World" has been cited as bringing back the old school feel of Lopez's single → been cited by who? in fact the whole sentance is a copy from the source. Needs paraphrasing properly or quoting properly.
- add reference after "then-husband Marc Anthony".
- add reference after "and that's when you can really run the world".
- The sentence ""Run the World" contains an optimistic message and upbeat melody, in which Lopez sings: "Our love could run the world"." is copy-pasted. Paraphrase or quote properly. → also the upbeat bit clashes with the first bit of the section which says mid-tempo. Upbeat is usually associated with up-tempo.
- It is most certainly not copy and pasted. The source states: "With an optimistic message and upbeat melody, the song is a winner." The melody of the song is upbeat, but the song itself is a mid-tempo song. Zac 22:20, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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- reference: Lopez sings, “Our love could run the world.” With an optimistic message and upbeat melody, the song is a winner.
- your version: "Run the World" contains an optimistic message and upbeat melody, in which Lopez sings: "Our love could run the world"
- I have to disagree. "an optimistic message and upbeat melody" is what the reviewer says the song contains, I can't rewrite that and it's not something that would require quotations. Zac 22:42, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- You should look up the definition of WP:COPYPASTE. If you did this in an academic peice of writing and it was run through plagarism software it would come up as an infringement. It is something which requires quotations. You could say according to XYZ "'Run the World' contains an optimistic message and upbeat melody", ABC particularly noted the lyric "Our love could run the world" as a good example of the optimism in the song. — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 22:58, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Oh, I understand what you mean now. Done Zac 23:04, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- "who has explored the topic of love since the start of her career" → this quote floats in the middle of nowhere. Did Lopez say it? Did MTV say it? It should be according to XYZ, ...." Also the whole sentence reads wrong, it doesn't really connect to the next part of the text.
- It's basically just a known fact that MTV commented on. I think it's important to note, but I agree that it reads weird how it currently is. Do you have a suggestion? Zac 22:20, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- you could find a reference for each of her albums (maybe a review) which mentions the word love as a common theme. Fix that first then we can look at how its phrased. — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk]
- Why exactly is that necessary? I have a source that says it directly. Zac 22:42, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Sorry I misread your comment above, what I meant was you could reorganise so that you mention the songs and then say "according to MTV, the topic of love is something which has always been present in Lopez's music dating back to the start of her career." — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 22:58, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Removed that part, as I can't really get it in right so it flows perfectly. Zac 23:04, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- The songs she mentioned have all been cited as being about her relationship with Anthony. → where and by who? — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk]
- Also "herself" is redundent. Lopez, herself, stated → Lopez stated that
- Following the announcement of Lopez and Anthony's split two months after the release of Love?, it was speculated that the album also contained references to the ending of their marriage. → this is speculation and coming from a tabloid trashy magazine like OK!, it is not acceptable for a good article. If Lopez was having marital problems and mentioned it before the album release that's fine but a trashy magazine making the link for us after the album doesnt stand up to scrutiny.
- Critical reception
- You start with saying were generally positive but then open with a negative critique.
- every single sentence afterwards begins "Reviewer name" of "publication". this is bad prose. Mix it up a little bit please.
- Try to band the three negative reviews together. also 5 positive vs 3 negative reviews is more like mixed reviews rather than generally positive.
- Summary
There is potential but its feels rushed and little care has been taken over copying and paraphrasing. Also try to read the whole article and then you'll get a feel for the prose and whether it needs improvement. On hold, will review upon completion of the above. — Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 22:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply] |
