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Talk:Rio (Duran Duran album)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Ippantekina (talk · contribs) 11:42, 23 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Review to come soon- Ippantekina (talk) 11:42, 23 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • "pursuing a crush" I am unsure if "crush" is encyclopedic tone
  • love interest?
  • "The iconic cover artwork" a little puffery
  • Adjusted
  • "Initially unsuccessful in the United States, Capitol Records commissioned a remix to better match American radio at the time, which went on to spend" grammar
  • Spent?

Background and development

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  • "demos of several songs at the basement studio of EMI's Manchester Square building that would appear on their next album" grammar
  • Fixed
  • What do we mean by "sessions proper"?
  • Official. Changed to that.
  • I am pretty sure it's "cherished" instead of "charished"
  • Fixed
  • "the sequenced-based tracks" I don't get what this means
  • Built using sequences via synthesizers
  • Done

Recording

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  • Done
  • "Hamilton had previously contributed to the "night version" of "Planet Earth" " Is "Planet Earth" a song by the band?
  • Yessir. Clarified

Promotion

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  • "With "Planet Earth" director Russell Mulcahy, the band produced videos" I'd write "Russel Mulcahy, who had directed "Planet Earth", worked with the band on..."
  • Fixed
  • "All the videos were storyboarded and art directed by former film student Marcello Anciano" I'd switch to the active voice
  • Done
  • Done
  • "Entering the UK Singles Chart at number 35, Duran Duran mimed to the song" grammar
  • Fixed

Critical reception

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  • I don't see how the quotebox is helpful; usage of quotebox is discouraged per WP:LONGQUOTE. I'd also revise the quoteboxes in the prior sections.

American remix

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  • "issued Rio through its Harvest subsidiary, which debuted at number 164 on Billboard's Top LPs & Tape" grammar
  • Done

Overall

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  • Too many quoteboxes! See WP:LONGQUOTE (which I raised above) and revise them.
  • How's that look?