Talk:Quantum Break/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: David Fuchs (talk · contribs) 15:12, 17 August 2016 (UTC)

{{doing}} Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:12, 17 August 2016 (UTC) Overall, a solid start, and as I thoroughly enjoyed the game I’m happy someone’s cleaning up the article :) Thoughts below:

• Prose:
  • The game centers on protagonist Jack Joyce as he tries to stop Paul Serene, a close friend and CEO of Monarch Solutions, from enforcing the End of Time after a failed time-machine experiment that gave Jack time manipulation powers—thinking about someone who hasn't played the game, "enforcing the End of Time" seems like a lot to parse without much detail. I'm not quite sure how this should be rephrased but probably genericizing it so it's not a Capitalized Term they haven't encountered before would be good.
  • The game is mostly a third-person shooter but includes elements of a platform game in less action-oriented segments. This sentence comes off as weasel-word filled. Who says it’s “mostly” a TPS?
  • In general, I think the article needs a copyedit to clean out extraneous words and phrasing; simpler and more direct is usually better. For instance, The game's focus was later shifted to time travel, The team consulted actual scientists, et al.
  • The article probably should be rephrased where possible to be entirely past tense; right now there are spots like It received a positive reception, with critics praising the game's graphics, gameplay, presentation, and story. Critics have mixed opinions regarding the platforming elements where you switch tenses and makes me think some of this stuff was legacy prose from before the game came out.
  • "Additionally, the rules of the arc"—what arc? The story arc? Better to just say "the rules of the story" then.
  • An epilogue shows Jack leaving his interview—the interview and framing device is never mentioned before now.
  • However, Microsoft was impressed by the idea of having a live action show within a video game, wanted to publish a game featuring interactive narrative, and hoped to partner with Remedy for a new intellectual property, in which Remedy could expand the live action part of the game; Remedy agreed. This is just one big series of massive comma splices.
  • The game utilizes a new in-house engine called the Northlight Engine, which features 4D Mapping—no explanation is given for what 4D mapping actually is.
  • The game's resolution foundation was 720p, but Remedy attempted to raise it to 1080p by using temporal reconstruction—this is word salad for non techy people.
  • Another video game developer, Quantic Dream's Guillaume de Fondaumiere, praised the game for its story focus—it's weird that this is put in the general reception paragraph.
  • The critical reception section really has waaay too many weasel words and needs to have proper attribution for critic statements.
  • According to Aaron Greenberg, an executive at Microsoft, the number of people who have preordered the game has exceeded the company's expectation, and the title has the potential to become a massive success—needs tense fixing.
• References:
  • Sources used look reliable.
  • Have not yet checked for accuracy or close paraphrasing.
• Images:
  • I would find another image to replace File:Quantum Break gameplay screenshot.jpg. It's mostly dark and doesn't do a good job of actually demonstrating Time Stop or the third-person shooter mechanics.
  • I'm not sure File:Quantum Break Bridge scene.jpg has the greatest fair use justification for it; it should get beefed up if it's going to stay.

• Misc.:
  • It seems a bit strange that the actual plot of the TV show is never mentioned aside from a footnote.

—Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 14:41, 18 August 2016 (UTC)

I have fixed most of the issues you have raised above. However, I have several questions. How should I write about the interview? I don't think it has ever serve an important purpose besides explaining backstory, and isn't important to the plot until the epilogue. I am unable to find a better screenshot. Since you have played the game, do you mind capturing a screenshot for the article? I am not sure what Paul Serene's motive is, so I am not sure "leading to the end of time" is accurate or not. Thanks for reviewing the article. AdrianGamer (talk) 14:17, 21 August 2016 (UTC)

pinging @David Fuchs: AdrianGamer (talk) 05:42, 18 September 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for the ping, I'd entirely forgotten about this. I'm away from my Xbox so can't get a custom screenshot, but it seems like there are plenty of good ones that show the perspective and things like time powers, e.g.[1][2][3]. As to the interview, if it's not important enough to mention as the framing just say he leaves "an" interview instead of making it seem like something that should have been brought up before. I've taken a stab at rewriting the line in the intro so it focuses less on Serene's motivations, drawing from the structure and verbiage from the IGN and GamesRadar reviews, although I think the plot supports it sufficiently it doesn't need a citation. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 17:18, 18 September 2016 (UTC)

@David Fuchs: Thanks! I have replaced the screenshot and changed "his interview" to "an interview". AdrianGamer (talk) 11:14, 21 September 2016 (UTC)

OK, looks good. Thanks, Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 16:09, 23 September 2016 (UTC)