Talk:Men Against Fire/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:24, 4 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This is in very good nick, some comments:

Michael Kelly is linked to different targets, just use Michael Kelly (actor) .
Yep. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"Original Score by" why is Score capitalised?
Because of my oversight in not checking the infobox properly. Per the infobox documentation, the parameter is for the "most notable" songs of the episode (if any – in this case not), not the composer, so I've removed the parameter entirely.
" he and Hunter open fire" they kill the roaches, but also doesn't Stripe grimly stab one death, which is shown to him later? (Stripe killing two on his first outing seems to be of note to his colleagues...)
Yep, that's a thing cut out for the word count, but I've changed it to One of them points an LED device at Stripe, but he shoots one roach dead and stabs another to death. and with the changes below it's still sub-400 words (396, discounting actor names). — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
" but his MASS glitches during it. It continues to glitch " repetitive. Maybe "during which his MASS glitches. After further malfunctions, Stripe has his MASS tested ..." or similar?
Yep, done (... but his MASS glitches during it. After further malfunctions the following day, Stripe ...). — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Third para of plot uses Stripe and Medina lots times. Any chance of some variety (he/his/she/her etc) when the subject isn't ambiguous?
Little bit tricky but I've done some rewording. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"soldier's senses" shouldn't this be "soldiers' senses"?
Yep. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Should all instances of "roach" or "roaches" be in quotes?
It's a tricky one. I think it makes sense from a narrative standpoint to describe events chronologically using only language that matches how the viewer is intended to interpret that scene in that moment. They see the creatures as roaches at that point when they watch the episode; then, post-plot twist, the word "roach" isn't used outside of quotation marks again. Were it to be in quotes before, it would sort of give the plot twist away. Ideally, I would like to reword everything to avoid using the word entirely (outside of once in the first sentence in quotes), but this isn't possible because the ethnic group aren't given a name and aren't described as anything other than "roaches". Other than "the hunted", "the genocide victims" or "the marginalised group", none of which come close to fitting, I can't think of any other options. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
" the "roach" creatures. " just "the "roaches"." would be fine.
Yep. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"We then see the ..." this seems unusual in a plot, to say "we" do something. Wouldn't it be more like "The house is then shown as a ..."?
My aim was to keep as much ambiguity as possible as to what the ending means but yes, "the house is then shown ..." achieves that better. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"The trailer for series three of Black Mirror." frag, no full stop.
Yep. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"Dave Grossman's book, On Killing, which is about the psychology of killing and based on Brigadier General S.L.A. Marshall's work.[10][11]" this sentence doesn't appear to be complete?
Indeed it wasn't. It also didn't make sense to have that sentence before introducing S.L.A. Marshall's book. Reworked that section and that sentence now reads For research, Brooker also read Dave Grossman's book On Killing, which is about the psychology of killing and based on Brigadier General S.L.A. Marshall's work. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"Arquette's dialogues in the episode.[13] Arquette's character" no need for the quick repeat of Arquette.
Yep. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"Jakob Verbruggen directed the episode" you already mentioned him by unlinked surname in the previous para...
Moved to the paragraph above. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
No need to link London.
Okay. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
" of time and money" replace money with budget.
Done. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"eugenics" is piped to a redirect back to itself.
Fixed. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"Captain America: Winter Soldier" our article calls it "Captain America: The Winter Soldier".
... because the source made a mistake and omitted the "The". Fixed. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Back momentarily. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 12:29, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"military[22] and dystopic science fiction.[19]" never a big fan of wedging in the references in such a manner, I'm certain our readers could handle waiting for four words before being able to verify the claim.
Reasonable, so I've changed it. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"of the 23 instalments in the Black Mirror series" perhaps I didn't notice this in the previous review, some of these sources came out before season 5 and Bandersnatch, didn't they? I think the publication dates and archived versions probably need updating at the least?
Arrgh, so much metadata to change on these things. Yes, fixed the dates and archive versions and a couple of URLs (and in one case, added a new byline credit), and fixed in "Shut Up and Dance" too. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Check all refs are fully and correctly populated, e.g. ref 2, publication date/access date? Ref 3, accessdate? Ref 4, The Guardian is a work, not a publisher etc.
Yep, checked them all and they should now be consistent and fully populated. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That's all I have for now, so I'll put it on hold for a bit while we negotiate our way through them. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 12:57, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

(Incidentally, the two sections in the talk page above are quite interesting, anything useful from those comments you could incorporate? The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 13:01, 5 August 2019 (UTC))[reply]

Brooker doesn't say where the episode is set and the sources don't really analyse it either. Denmark was added as original research by a user who wrote the plot summary (the subtitles say the villagers speak Danish, but that's certainly not conclusive proof the episode is set in Denmark). As for what MASS stands for... completely at a loss. I'd guess its explanation was cut from the script or the final edit, but I couldn't even guess at what it means. Addressed all your other comments and thanks for the review! Really good to get one looked at this speedily. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

A pleasure. If you'll allow me, I'll take some time to re-visit the episode tomorrow and make one last pass over the article and these comments before signing it off. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 21:01, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah of course, no problem. — Bilorv (talk) 21:34, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'm more than happy with the article, it easily surpasses the basics required for GA, so I'm passing it. As before, if you do any more Black Mirror work, don't hesitate to give me a shout if you think I can offer anything. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 11:28, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]