Talk:Lidia Patty/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Grnrchst (talk · contribs) 17:55, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and political career

Maybe rewrite some of the first paragraph a little. Keep the focus on Patty.

Got rid of "straddling the border with Peru." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"graduated as a professional in humanities" - should say "professional in the humanities"

Spotcheck: I don't think "professional in the humanities" is what "técnico humanístico" is referring to, although I'm not sure how I'd translate it either.

I wasn't confident in the translation either, but there really is no good English way to phrase it. The position of "técnico humanístico" is a uniquely Bolivian thing; a broadly vague title in a country where titles serve as a symbol of status. I actually ended up consulting a professional translator friend who spent their career in Bolivia, and we had a solid 40 minute discussion on it. The best we could come up with was a "high school-level/pre-university technical trade degree," which is hard to really understand. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the explanation. Might be worth linking to vocational school or something similar. -- Grnrchst (talk) 07:51, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Patty joined the Bartolina Sisa Federation," - might be worth clarifying what this organisation is/does. Also, shouldn't this read "Bartolina Sisa Confederation"? That's how it's written in its own article and later in this one.

I try to keep organization names accurate to the time period in which they're mentioned. In this case, it was a federation up until 2008, when it was redefined as a confederation. I went ahead and changed it to "Confederation" as its minor enough not to matter in the grand scheme of things. Added a tidbit of what exactly the organization is. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

That's what I figured may have happened. Thanks for clarifying. -- Grnrchst (talk) 07:52, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Throughout her tenure, Patty stood out as a polemic figure, even netting herself a year-long suspension for "bad behavior" at one point, although she alleges that it was really retribution for her denunciations of economic mismanagement. Patty later challenged the suspension in court and won, forcing the municipality to pay her financial compensation."

Spotcheck: "According to leader Nazario Mamani, Lidia Patty was previously a councillor for MAS, but was suspended for a year due to "bad behaviour". He clarified that Patty then went to court and managed to get the municipality to pay her for what happened. The former deputy acknowledged that she was suspended for a year when she was a councillor, but said that it was because of her complaints about the economic management that was being carried out."

Chamber of deputies

"the MAS nominated her to accompany Manuel Canelas [es] as his running mate on the party's electoral list."

Spotcheck: Cited source says she was Canelas' "diputada plurinominal suplente".

Substitute deputies operate in a similar way as, say, a vice president. So I think "running mate" is a good descriptor. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Aye it's good, was just checking. --Grnrchst (talk) 07:53, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"the first female member of the Kallawaya population" could be cut down to "the first Kallawaya woman"

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"—one of two Kallawaya elected that cycle, together with José Mendoza.[11][12] They are, collectively, the second and third Kallawaya parliamentarians, after Walter Álvarez.[13]" Cut down to ". That cycle, she was elected alongside José Mendoza,[11][12] together becoming the second and third Kallaway parliamentarians, after Walter Álvarez."

Adjusted. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"executive branch" - link to Cabinet of Bolivia

Linked to Cabinet of Evo Morales. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"extended past their original expiration" - just "extended" is fine

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Post-parliamentary career

As the first paragraph is all about the Coup d'etat Case, it should have its own subsection, rather than presenting it as an introduction for the rest of the section.

Correct. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The process, which netted Áñez a ten-year prison sentence, remains ongoing, with Patty [...]" full stop after "ongoing" and start a new sentence. (it goes on quite long) Remove the "with" and change "continuing" to "continued"

Also, is the process still ongoing as of June 2023? Might want to update that, if it has.

Yes, it remains ongoing. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Another full stop and new sentence after "Carlos Mesa". Then "She even called for the prosecution of some ruling party officials [...]"

Separated by a semicolon instead. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ombudsman election

"Although the selection process was under the purview of the MAS-majority Legislative Assembly," Maybe remove this? It doesn't seem relevant and seems to imply that the MAS should have stepped in to remove the requirement of political independence...

"Despite this," remove, per words to watch

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"political instrument. That instrument is made up of the Bolivian people." Can cut this quote down a little to "political instrument [...] made up of the Bolivian people."

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"she argued" Move this before the quote, instead of after.

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: This section seems like it would make for an interesting DYK hook

Perhaps. DYK is definitely my next step if this passes. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Ultimately, Patty's candidacy was disqualified, mainly on account of her political partisanship, but officially due to her failure to sign her curriculum vitae."

Spotcheck: "Ferrel indicated that Patty did not sign her curriculum vitae, as indicated in requirement 12, established in the regulations. This was confirmed by Iván Melendrez, a member of Another Bolivia is Possible, who participated as an observer of the process. "Lidia Patty has also been annulled, because we have seen that she has been linked to MAS, she has been a member of parliament and for this reason she has been annulled on this day", he affirmed." So this sentence seems a bit editorialised, the article doesn't distinguish between "main" and "official reasons". Consider rewriting.
Changed out "mainly" for "partially." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Diplomatic service

"Despite her failure to advance in the ombudsman selection race, Patty continued in the public sphere," Cut this and begin the sentence with "In December 2022"

Removed. The lead in is a relic of before I added separating headers, where a transition between paragraphs made more sense. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: Paragraph about her being rejected from appointments to diplomatic positions would also make for a good DYK hook.
"however," Remove, per words to watch

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Given the latest update on this situation was from yesterday, it might be worth holding this review a little, just to see if/how the situation develops further.

As of today, she's been withdrawn to La Paz. I don't expect future developments to take more than a sentence or two to explain, bar something unforeseen. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, might be worth updating the lead and infobox to reflect that then? I'm not sure if her successor as consul has been appointed yet, but I assume her withdrawal means she isn't consul anymore. --Grnrchst (talk) 07:55, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I think she may officially still be the incumbent. The Bolivian Foreign Ministry seems to be going with the line that her withdrawal is "for informational purposes", which I think gives them some wiggle room to potentially send her back. I'll update with more information if she's formally removed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 09:45, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

If she wasn't in the MIR for any longer than a few weeks or months, I don't think it's worth mentioning in the infobox.

Removed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Patty started out from humble origins," this reads a bit puffy, consider removing

Removed. In retrospect, it doesn't make much sense in English. Spanish "humilde" is generally more used as a nicer way of saying "lower class," which was the point I was trying to get across. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Humble origins" does make sense in English, it's just euphemistic, which is why I'm not a fan. --Grnrchst (talk) 07:57, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

As above, if there's not a reason for it, standardise whether you're using "Bartolina Sisa Federation" or "Bartolina Sisa Confederation" in the article.

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Worth mentioning the controversy caused by her appointment to Peru.

Agreed. I was waiting for Bolivia's response. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Is her being an "educator" really what she's commonly known for? I think, in the leading sentence and the infobox, only "politician" is needed.

Replaced "educator" with "trade unionist". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:19, 13 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Another nicely put-together article about quite the interesting figure. I have some notes and recommendations, but the article is otherwise quite solid.

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

There's a few cases where it could use copy editing, mentioned above.

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

Some words to watch need removing
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

Some of the citations are formatted as simplified footnotes, but these are only a few cited at the very beginning. Consider removing the separate bibliography and reincorporating those as inline citations for consistency.

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):

Earwig doesn't help here, because most of the sources are in Spanish. But I've found no cases of close paraphrasing on my spot checks.
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:

A couple cases of editorialising, but easily fixed
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:

Stable, but in the middle of a developing situation. At the very least, it'll need keeping an eye on even after a GA pass.
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

All media is under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):

I don't think the second official portrait is necessary, but otherwise all good. Optional but recommended alt text is added to the Ombudsman election images.
Overall:
Pass/fail:

~~Holding for now, as there's some issues with prose and neutrality that need fixing before it can be passed. These are all noted above.~~ Prose and neutrality issues have been dealt with, so I'm happy to pass this. Article will need to be kept updated as the situation regarding her consulship develops, but that's not anything holding it back from GA. --Grnrchst (talk) 07:58, 14 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.