Talk:Hall of Fame (Big Sean album)/GA2
GA Review
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Reviewer: Вик Ретлхед (talk · contribs) 15:31, 22 February 2014 (UTC)
Overview
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Overall: |
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- Criteria that were not met
- Prose: The prose in the article is understandable, but the majority of the text reads like a chronological table. Although the lead is written fine, some other sections, like "Singles" need attention, mainly because the prose is repetitive.
- References: All of the references cite reliable sources. However, the format on most of them is not properly submitted. For example, "Music-mix.ew.com" should be written like "Entertainment Weekly" and placed in the "work" field, Spin.com should be written just Spin and also placed in the "work" field, etc.
Notes
[edit]- Intro
- The album was released on August 27, 2013 in the United States, through GOOD Music and Def Jam Recordings. — The label should be mentioned before the state in which the album was released.
- Big Sean said that Hall of Fame... — this and the following sentence should be after the information about collaborations and production
- The list of featured artists and additional producers should be reduced. Mention only the most important ones.
- The list of singles should also be reduced. My opinion is to remove "Switch Up" and "Ashley" since they didn't charted.
- The album debuted at number three on the US Billboard 200, selling 72,000 copies in its first week of sale. — omit US and "of sale"
- is there a fresher information about the album's sales?
- you can expand the lead writing something about the recording process or production.
- First three points are done. Actually for completeness I feel like all five official singles should be mentioned, and they all did chart, just "Switch Up" and "Ashley" only charted on the R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, which would be the equivalent of charting on the Hard Rock chart. However, it is still feels appropriate to you, I would be fine to oblige. Did the fourth, but replaced of sale, with "in the United States", so we still know the sales stated are the US sales. About the fifth, not to my knowledge there has not been, in recent months it has been a mainstay on the 40-50 positions on the R&B/HH Albums chart, so when an album only sales 1-2,000~ copies a week, updates are no longer reported. You can be sure if there was a recent one, I would have updated the article. And I have added more to the lead about the album's recording so we look good there. STATic message me! 05:22, 23 February 2014 (UTC)
- Consider the notes done.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 09:34, 23 February 2014 (UTC)
- Background
- Big Sean announced the title of the album as Hall of Fame: Memoirs of a Detroit Player — Big Sean announced that Hall of Fame: Memoirs of a Detroit Player would be the title of his upcoming album. (because it turned out not to be the case)
- Sean stated that he picked the title because — it think that "chose" will be a better fit here
- It looks little odd to have a quote that begins in the middle of a sentence. My suggestion is to write Sean stated that he picked the title because it "represents himself"/"describes his nature" or if you have a better idea of your own, and start the quote with You're going to hear times...
- I'm not an English speaker, but should it be "peoples' lives" instead of "peoples lives"?
- Soon after, in an interview with Power 105 Sean stated... — comma after Power 105
- which features French Montana from the mixtape Detroit — comma after Detroit
- During December 2012 — In December 2012
- saying that Billboard Magazine were "blown away" by the album is little vague. You can say the music journalists from Billboard liked it, but I think the best solution would be to omit Billboard.
- regarding the illustrations, I believe it's more suitable to erase the first image because Kanye West is already pictured on the second one with No ID working in the studio. Also don't forget to change the caption.
Done All notes up to here are completed. STATic message me! 16:31, 23 February 2014 (UTC)
- Recording and production
- Early on in the album's recording process, he revealed that... — "on" is unnecessary; mention who is "he"
- were going to make appearances as features — as featured artists
- are producers on the album — will produce the album
- He would later confirm features from — guest appearances
- the verb "announced" is overused in this paragraph; try some other synonyms like "stated"
- On April 26, 2013, Sean finally had his studio session with Eminem — a instead of his
- comma after "Detroit classic"
- but being unsure if it will appear — but was not sure/expressed doubt whether it will appear
- At an August 1, 2013 listening session he revealed additional features — replace "at an" with "on"; comma after 2013; this sentence is somehow confusing. I assume you are trying to say "At the listening session held on August 1, 2013, he revealed additional features from..."
- a note that's not obligatory: when citing sources, it's useful to link the publisher. For example, the first reference (Steven J. Horowitz), should be placed in "cite web" format, since HipHopDX is not a newspaper. Second thing, HipHopDX should be linked, for the reader to know from what kind of source you are reporting the information.
- Done Improved grammar of the seventh bullet. I also adjusted multiple citations that were marked as cite news, when they should have been cite web. By the way, Cheri Media Group is the publisher not HipHopDX, and it was not linked as the HipHopDX article is fairly new. STATic message me! 22:05, 23 February 2014 (UTC)
- Release and promotion
- Big Sean released the mixtape Detroit on September 5, 2012, in promotion for the album — To promote the album, Big Sean released the mixtape Detroit on September 5, 2012.
- The mixtape features guest appearances from fellow rappers... — replace "the mixtape" with "it" to avoid being repetitive
- In the months leading up to the release... Months before the album's release...
- link "cameos" to cameo appearance
- due to it not yet being ready — "because it was not ready yet" sound more simple
- Sean recorded a song for the album featuring Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica, and produced by No ID titled "Control". — Sean originally intended to include "Control" on the album, a track produced by No ID and featuring guest vocals from Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica.
- comma after however
- where he previewed one of the songs "Nothing Is Stopping You" comma after "songs" and "Nothing Is Stopping You"
- Many rappers took offense to the lines without even being mentioned by name. — Many rappers were offended by the lyrics, even though they were not explicitly mentioned.
- Singles
- the first single would be released within the, "next ten days." — lose the comma, place the full-stop outside the quote marks
- later added that the song, "ain't no turn-up song — lose the comma
- both songs were moved to the deluxe edition — were placed on the
- released the album's lead single, "Beware" — omit the comma after lead single; I think the second clause should state "on iTunes"
- the DONDA-directed music video was released for "Beware" — what is DONDA-directed music video?
- Done and DONDA is a group of directors/photographers/graphic designers that was formed by Kanye West. STATic message me! 16:10, 24 February 2014 (UTC)
- Accolades and commercial performance
- The album was positioned at number 16 — was ranked
- Complex ranked the album at number 50, on their list of the best albums of 2013. They commented saying, — ranked→placed; omit the comma; merge it to one sentence "on their list of the best albums of 2013, saying that..."
- That would be a 17% decline — was instead of "would be"
- David Drake of Complex would name the album an example of the sophomore slump. — put "named" and "a" over the bolded words
- according to the Nielsen Soundscan — omit "the"