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Talk:Elke Mackenzie/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Moriwen (talk · contribs) 17:49, 11 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]


Excited to look over this! She seems extremely cool.

I agree, and thanks for taking on this review! Esculenta (talk) 18:13, 11 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
This was a really fun read! There are a few changes I'd suggest but they're mostly nitpicking; I expect this to be a quick and easy turnaround to hit GA status.


GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·


Gender notes

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Obviously gender is something to be handled sensitively here, and overall this article seems like it does well with it. There's a few things I'd recommend adjusting, which I'll list below.

  • Infobox image: MOS:GIDINFO gently discourages using a pre-transition photo as the lead image on articles like this. I wonder if it mightn't be better to use that cool lichen image from later in the article, or maybe something like this photo (since it doesn't look like post-transition photos are available).
  • I'm going to invoke WP:IAR on this one, because I think removing the lead image would result in a decrease in encyclopaedic value for the reader. It's an excellent image, showing the subject in their "natural work habitat" (with a lichen-covered rock in the background, no less!). I also note regarding those "best practices", it clearly states "These best practices should not be taken as thoroughly vetted by the community nor representing consensus". Esculenta (talk) 04:07, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
  • Pronoun use: for the most part, the article (correctly) uses she/her pronouns throughout Mackenzie's life, but it slips up twice in the first paragraph of the "personal life" section.
  • Pronoun use in direct quotes: 'he wrote that Mackenzie was "greatly admired by all for his gentle kindness and generosity"' seems like it could be conveniently trimmed to something like 'he wrote that Mackenzie was broadly admired for her "gentle kindness and generosity"'.

Lead

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  • "Beginning her education at the Edinburgh Academy, Mackenzie later pursued botany at Edinburgh University, earning a Bachelor of Science degree in 1933." -- this seems like it can probably be dropped from the lead and just covered in the body
  • "Her career highlights include a secret World War II mission, Operation Tabarin, in Antarctica," -- this starts off sounding like it's going to be a list of career highlights, so I think the reader is inclined to trip over the realization that the secret World War II mission and Operation Tabarin are the same. Could probably be improved by just diving right in with "In Operation Tabarin, a secret World War II mission to Antarctica, she..."; I think "secret World War II mission" sounds cool enough that the reader will be able to deduce it being a career highlight just fine.
  • "Mackenzie's academic pursuits led her to positions" -- this feels a little pretentious. Maybe something like "Over the course of her career in academia, Mackenzie held positions..."?
  • Starting sentences with "Notably," isn't ideal. Actually I'd be inclined to drop all of "Notably, in 1971, Mackenzie transitioned, renaming herself to Elke Mackenzie and faced institutional prejudice as a result. Despite facing adversity," and just cover that later in the article.
  • Polar Medals -- the link here goes only to the British polar medal, which seems suboptimal, but I'm having trouble tracking down a US polar medal. Is it the same as the United States Antarctic Expedition Medal, do you think? (Incidentally, I notice the former page failed to acknowledge Mackenzie among the female recipients. I've fixed that.)
  • I've looked gain at all the sources that mention polar medals:
  • Llano 1991 says "was the recipient of both the British and United States Polar Medals." (Llano was a polar explorer colleague)
  • Taylor 1990 says "was awarded the Polar Medal" (singular) (Taylor was a polar explorer colleague)
  • Mackenzie-Lamb 2014 says "For these efforts, he would later by awarded the Antarctic Polar Medal by two countries, Great Britain and Argentina". (author was the grandson)
Decision made: the Haddelsey 2014 source clearly states that Mackenzie received polar awards from both the UK and the US, and explains for what they were awarded. I think the "US polar medal" being referred to by this (and the Llano 1991 source) is the Antarctica Service Medal, but they don't call it by this name explicitly, so I haven't done so in the article either. I removed the British Polar Award link in the lead, and have been deliberately vague about the US one so that the text is covered by the sources. Esculenta (talk) 03:58, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

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All looks well here!


Career

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One broad note: several of the sources mention Mackenzie facing a series of difficulties and setbacks in her professional career, which feels like it doesn't quite come together in this article. For instance, this source mentions that she was forced to sell off her collections to pay off debts (which was presumably something of a professional hardship); the article mentions both the sale and the debts, but doesn't connect the two. Similarly, a couple of sources mention the catastrophic loss of large numbers of notes to a gust of wind, which I think doesn't come up in the article? And it looks like she lost materials to a fire as well. I don't know that I have a specific request here, but I'd love to see a little discussion of this come together, since it seems to be a recurring theme in her biographies.

  • I've added more details about the windy incident, the herbarium sale, and other bits that hopefully provide a fuller picture of the life difficulties encountered. The fire was already mentioned in the last paragraph of "Personal life". Esculenta (talk) 03:03, 16 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph here is a little overwhelming. It might be nice to break it up. Possibly one paragraph on the logistics of the exploration, and another paragraph on her lichen-related research and discoveries, would work well?
  • "Mackenzie is famous for" -- feels slightly on the subjective side of the line. Maybe something like "Although a civilian, Mackenzie volunteered for"? (Or just "Mackenzie took part in", but it wasn't obvious to me until I looked at some of the sources that she wasn't otherwise involved with the military, and that it was a volunteer position.)
  • "On the surface, it was" -- wait, then what was it really? (Also, relatedly, why was it secret?)
  • "participated in several brief manhauling expeditions" -- this feels like just slightly too much text to take directly from the source. The sentence ends up being a little bit repetitive anyway, between "manhauling" and "hauled by hand"; rephrasing might be in order.
  • "from Labrador, Canada," -- second comma unnecessary
  • It looks like technically Mackenzie didn't personally collect 1,030 specimens; if I'm reading the source correctly, the other expedition members were also participating in the specimen collection. Maybe "were collected under Mackenzie's supervision" or something like that.
  • "United by their common interest in lichens, Ahmadjian" -- this doesn't quite work out for me grammatically, Ahmadjian being one person who can't very well be united. Probably needs rephrasing.
  • "for its dubious scholarship" -- maybe "for what she described as its dubious scholarship"?
  • "Her judgement was later vindicated" -- feels a touch less than neutral; maybe soften to something like "Other scientists have since agreed with Mackenzie's position, opining about" etc?
  • If there's any more content to be had on the professional rivalry, I'd love to see it (did Dodge have any comments on Mackenzie, or was this a one-sided sort of thing?)
  • I think it was mostly one-sided (the only thing I found that Dodge wrote about Mackenzie was a thanks for lending some specimens); I've added a bit more information to flesh this out slightly. Esculenta (talk) 19:01, 14 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

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  • "Apparently," -- elaborate on what this means?
  • "underwent a gender-affirming surgery" -- definitely saw this mentioned in some of the sources, but it doesn't look like it's actually in the particular one cited at the end of this sentence? probably something to make extra sure has a good citation
  • "She was forced into a early retirement after transition, as many institutions were disapproving of her choice, as stated by her friend Laurence Senelick." -- definitely want a citation on this
  • "text books" --> "textbooks"
  • "After transitioning," -- can probably just omit this clause, since the article already said she transitioned in 1971
  • "citing political unrest" -- source? doesn't appear to be in the next citation
  • "She took up woodworking, but was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease" -- this feels like a slightly weird "but"; not sure the two clauses are opposed.
  • "In some of her final publications, Mackenzie cited the help of "Miss Elke Mackenzie"." -- seems like it would make more sense to bring this up chronologically earlier, before her death. Maybe an earlier sentence could become "...renamed herself to Elke Mackenzie, a name she cited as an assistant in some of her final publications"? Or something similar.
  • "Her lifelong work" -- tempted to suggest a paragraph break here, after her death and before the discussion of her unfinished work. (Possibly with the obituaries moved in between the two.)

Recognition

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Selected publications

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Looks good!


@Moriwen: I've responded to all of the points in your most excellent review, and am ready for you to have another look. Esculenta (talk) 04:09, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

This looks fantastic to me! Thank you for all the fiddly changes; I'm finalizing now.
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