Talk:Ahmad Maymandi

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Ahmad Maymandi/GA3. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Yash! (talk · contribs) 14:20, 20 February 2016 (UTC)

Saw the ping and this looks interesting. I will complete my review in 24 hours. Yash! 14:20, 20 February 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• Is it possible to find his birthdate?
• Use only "Maymandi" instead of "Ahmad Maymandi" throughout the article after you mention the full name in the first sentence.
• Begin "and would thereafter rapidly rise to higher offices" with a new sentence.
• "However, after a brief civil war" - remove "However".
• "once again" -> "again".
• Begin "which he at first rejected..." with a new sentence.
• "but later in 1031 accepted" -> "but alter accepted in 1031".

Biography

Origins and early career

• Use "Ahmad Maymandi" the first time you mention his name and "Maymandi" for the rest of the article instead of "Ahmad".
• "However, during" -> no need for "However" here.
• "was later promoted" - better if we use the year in which he was promoted instead of "later", if that is possible.
• "who was much more experienced" -> "who had more administrative experience".
• "shortly" - again, better if we can have the year or how shortly that happened.
• "thus putting an end" -> "ending"
• If you are using "Ghaznavid Empire" in the lead, make sure you use the same in the prose instead of "Ghaznavid dynasty" and "Ghaznavid kingdom".

First vizierate and downfall

• Use his surname, "Maymandi" and not his name "Ahmad".
• Link "vizier"
• "governor of Khorasan, and tax-collector" -> remove comma
• What is "ca." in "ca. 1011"? Am I missing something?
• "probably also" -> remove "also".
• "he in reality used" -> "he used".
• "shortly " - again, better if we can have a proper time-frame.
• "was then appointed" -> "was appointed".

Second vizierate and death

• Again, use his surname, "Maymandi".
• "He then met him" -> "He met him".
• Why and when did he refuse?
• "took revenge" - how?
• "some time" - I strongly suggest that you use the year or suitable time-frame here.
• "who, like his father, also gained the vizier office" -> "who also gained the vizier office".
• "who, like Ahmad, also" -> "who also".

Sources

• Do not capitalize the title in the citation even if the actual title in the source is capitalized.

That should be enough. There is no fixed time limit and you can take your time. I will only fail this nomination if you fail to respond for a very long time (a few weeks to a month or two). Regards, Yash! 14:43, 21 February 2016 (UTC)

Thank you very much Yash! I think I will start on fixing the article in the upcoming weekend, since school is killing me at the moment. --HistoryofIran (talk) 17:15, 22 February 2016 (UTC)

You have all the time in the world as long as you keep in touch :) Yash! 17:17, 22 February 2016 (UTC)

Here we go! :

Lead

• Is it possible to find his birthdate? - Unfortunately not.
• Use only "Maymandi" instead of "Ahmad Maymandi" throughout the article after you mention the full name in the first sentence. - Done.
• Begin "and would thereafter rapidly rise to higher offices" with a new sentence. - What do you mean?
  • The current sentence is too long. So, it would be better if you split the sentence into two. Yash! 10:39, 25 February 2016 (UTC)
• "However, after a brief civil war" - remove "However". - Done.
• "once again" -> "again". - Done.
• Begin "which he at first rejected..." with a new sentence. - What do you mean?
  • Same as above. Yash! 10:39, 25 February 2016 (UTC)
• "but later in 1031 accepted" -> "but alter accepted in 1031". - Done.

Biography

Origins and early career

• Use "Ahmad Maymandi" the first time you mention his name and "Maymandi" for the rest of the article instead of "Ahmad". - Done.
• "However, during" -> no need for "However" here. - Done.
• "was later promoted" - better if we use the year in which he was promoted instead of "later", if that is possible. - Unfortunately no date is mentioned.
• "who was much more experienced" -> "who had more administrative experience". - Done.
• "shortly" - again, better if we can have the year or how shortly that happened. - Done.
• "thus putting an end" -> "ending" - Done.
• If you are using "Ghaznavid Empire" in the lead, make sure you use the same in the prose instead of "Ghaznavid dynasty" and "Ghaznavid kingdom". - Will do.

First vizierate and downfall

• Use his surname, "Maymandi" and not his name "Ahmad". - Done.
• Link "vizier" - Done.
• "governor of Khorasan, and tax-collector" -> remove comma - Done.
• What is "ca." in "ca. 1011"? Am I missing something? - Removed "ca.".
• "probably also" -> remove "also". - Done.
• "he in reality used" -> "he used". - Done.
• "shortly " - again, better if we can have a proper time-frame. - Done.
• "was then appointed" -> "was appointed". - Done.

Second vizierate and death

• Again, use his surname, "Maymandi". - Done.
• "He then met him" -> "He met him". - Done.
• Why and when did he refuse? - Will do.
• "took revenge" - how? - That isn't mentioned in the sources I used.
• "some time" - I strongly suggest that you use the year or suitable time-frame here. - Done.
• "who, like his father, also gained the vizier office" -> "who also gained the vizier office". - Done.
• "who, like Ahmad, also" -> "who also". - Done.

--HistoryofIran (talk) 19:22, 22 February 2016 (UTC)

Yash: DONE!!! ;D --HistoryofIran (talk) 14:12, 25 February 2016 (UTC)

Great work HistoryofIran! This article is now a GA! :) Yash! 07:46, 26 February 2016 (UTC)