Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Yeomanry Cavalry/archive1

TFA blurb review

The Yeomanry Cavalry was the mounted component of the British Volunteer Corps, a military auxiliary established in the late 18th century. Its only use in national defence was during the French Revolutionary Wars in 1797, when the Castlemartin Yeomanry helped defeat a small French invasion in the Battle of Fishguard. The Volunteer Corps was disbanded following the defeat of Napoleon in 1815, but the yeomanry was retained as a politically reliable force to support the civil authorities. It often served as mounted police until the middle of the 19th century. The Manchester and Salford Yeomanry was largely responsible for the Peterloo Massacre. The yeomanry was also deployed against striking colliers in the 1820s, during the Swing riots of the early 1830s and the Chartist disturbances of the late 1830s and early 1840s. After civilian police forces were established in the mid-19th century, the yeomanry's focus turned to national defence. During the Second Boer War it was used as mounted infantry. (Full article...)

Pinging Factotem; we're doing blurbs for articles promoted at FAC in June, July and August 2018. Thoughts and edits are welcome. - Dank (push to talk) 00:54, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll think on this, but a few of points jump out at me...

1. The Peterloo sentence is a little abrupt. I think it would work better if it was somehow worked into the preceding sentence, along the lines of "...most notoriously in the Peterloo Massacre."

2. I don't think we need to go into any more detail about the policing role after that mention, so the yeomanry's role against the striking colliers, swing rioters and chartists can go.

3. Ideally we should mention the social composition of the force.

4. We really should mention that after the policing role disappeared, the yeomanry struggled to find a place in the national defence scheme until the Boer War.

5. The last sentence is wrong. The Imperial Yeomanry fought in the Boer War, but that was a completely separate institution. It's a bit nuanced and made somewhat confusing by the fact that the Yeomanry Cavalry was renamed to the Imperial Yeomanry after the war.

6. We should mention that the yeomanry finally found its place in the UK military when it became part of the Territorial Force

I'll work on a revised blurb tomorrow. Can you remind me what the limit is please? Thanks. Factotem (talk) 01:31, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sure. 925 to 1025 characters, including "Full article...". Write it up however you want it, and then I'll compare it to the current lead. - Dank (push to talk) 03:21, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Proposed revision:

The Yeomanry Cavalry was the mounted component of the British Volunteer Corps, a military auxiliary established in the late 18th century. When the Volunteer Corps was disbanded after the defeat of Napoleon in 1815, the yeomanry – recruited from the middle and upper classes – was retained as a politically reliable institution that could act as a mounted police force. It became infamous after playing a leading part in the Peterloo Massacre of 1819, and its policing role declined as civilian police forces were established in the mid-19th century. The yeomanry struggled to find a place in the military establishment, and it survived largely because of its members' political influence and willingness to subsidise it financially. It found a new relevance when the Second Boer War revealed a need for mounted infantry. It was reorganised in 1901 as the Imperial Yeomanry, and in 1908 it ceased to be a discrete institution when all volunteer auxiliaries were amalgamated into the Territorial Force. (Full article...)

This covers all the key points in 1019 characters. Hope that's OK. Factotem (talk) 10:37, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I like that much better. "Notorious" is, well, notorious among Main Page people ... I get that in the limited space, we don't have room to quantify and qualify the notoriety, but someone may object to that word, so be prepared with a defense or a rewrite. Otherwise, it looks great. - Dank (push to talk) 13:56, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Wasn't aware of that. Is "infamy" more acceptable? I could probably work that in in some form. Factotem (talk) 15:17, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"infamy" would probably be better. - Dank (push to talk) 15:58, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Fair enough. I simply replaced notorious with infamous. 1018 characters now. Factotem (talk) 17:15, 3 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]