Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Banksia canei/archive1

Cryptic C62

• "It occurs in subalpine areas of the Great Dividing Range between Melbourne and Canberra." This sentence doesn't really give any information for someone who is unfamiliar with the major cities of Australia. I think this would benefit from the inclusion of something like "... in southern Australia".

d'oh! my bad. Had meant to put in, or leave in, or something or other, anyway, added now.. Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "Banksia canei is generally encountered as a many-branched shrub to 3 m (10 ft) high" It is unclear to me whether this is supposed to be a range (anywhere from a small shrub to a 3m high non-shrub thing) or a singular description (a shrub that grows up to 3m high).

the latter. Not sure what to do here as looks obvious to me...? Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "The old flowers fall off the spikes, and up to 150 finely furred follicles develop, which remain closed until burnt in a bushfire. Each bears two winged seeds." Each what? Could be flower, finely furred follicle, or bushfire.

hehehe, fixed Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "It is visited by birds such as the Yellow-tufted Honeyeater and various insects." What does "visit" mean in this context? Déjà vu...

  I seem to recall that in your last Banksia FAC, we ended up using "forage" instead of "visit." Perhaps we could do the same here? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 19:53, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Aaah yes, now I recall. Yep, better verb. duly converted.Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:39, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

• "The stiff leaves are arranged alternately along the stems and show significant variation." Variation in what?

shape and size. added Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "Banksia canei was first described in 1967 by James H. Willis, who had collected it five years earlier on 27 November 1962" There are too many time phrases in this sentence. I suggest excising either "five years earlier" or "on 27 November 1962".

removed the former - I like anniversaries Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "its bare old cones and stouter foliage foreshadowed a closer relationship to" I almost got whiplash from reading this sentence. When I got to "foreshadowed", I threw my head back and thought "Well there's a word I never expected to see in a plant article!" How about "indicated" instead? It's generally not a good idea to kill off all the readers by using words that cause them to break their own necks.

Awww, ok, changed. Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "where he found strong support for it and B. saxicola to be sister taxa." What are sister taxa? A link would be groovy.

blah, just reworded in non-jargon English, but explained on second mention in next line) Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "Banksia flower spikes are important sources of nectar for birds, particularly honeyeaters, mammals and insects" This list format is confusing. When I first read it, I thought that "honeyeaters, mammals and insects" were all types of birds. A simple reorder would help: "mammals, insects and birds, particularly honeyeaters."

done Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)

• "Its furry-follicled fruiting cones are attractive" This is one of the best phrases ever!

heh, thx. I try to wax lyrical sometimes, with some working and some not.... Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:30, 22 June 2011 (UTC)

• "and a south-facing aspect is recommended" What does "aspect" mean in this context? I can't seem to find a relevant article as a link target.

it means sheltered from the sun, which is in the northern part of the sky. Actually this might be too esoteric and better left out... Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:28, 21 June 2011 (UTC)