Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Reginald Judson

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by Peacemaker67 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 00:30, 16 June 2018 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Reginald Judson

Instructions for nominators and reviewers

Nominator(s): Zawed (talk)

For your consideration at A-Class, I present Reginald Judson, another one of New Zealand's WWI Victoria Cross recipients. He was awarded the VC having already received the Military Medal and the Distinguished Conduct Medal; all three medals were awarded as a result of action across a four-week period in July/August 1918. I have done some expansion work in recent weeks and the article went through a GA review last month. I look forward to the feedback of reviewers and hopefully seeing this article be promoted to A-Class. Zawed (talk) 08:13, 20 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Chetsford

What a very nicely composed and comprehensive article. I support it! I have a few optional comments ...

MOS:LEADLENGTH says that articles fewer than 15K characters should have a lead of one or two paragraphs; this is just over 7K characters and has a three paragraph lead.

I have condensed the lead a little, now two paragraphs. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

It doesn't appear there's an ALT for the image in the infobox.

Have added alt text. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

In the section "interwar period" the acronym NZEF is invoked without previously being used in full form in the article. That said, on further review of MOS:ABBR this is, surprisingly, not a requirement.

Whoops, that was an oversight on my part, I normally do add the acronym. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Unable to return to his civilian trade of engineering due to his poor health, he subsequently found employment as a secretary at a school in Auckland. - I feel like the "his" prior to "poor health" may not be necessary and makes the sentence a bit choppy. But that's just personal opinion.

I would go with that. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

In September, Judson was a victim of a gassing attack and returned to England to recover his health. - Should that be "gas attack" instead of "gassing attack"? I may be wrong but I thought an "-ing" verb could only follow an infinitive and not visa versa.

Have revised. Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Chetsford (talk) 06:12, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Chetsford: many thanks for the review, although I understood your comments to be optional, I have actioned them as I saw all of them as improvements. Thanks again for the feedback, much appreciated. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 10:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from AustralianRupert

Support: G'day, Zawed, nice work. I have the following suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 01:38, 26 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"firstly at Cambridge and then at Aldershot": maybe clarify here that he did not return to the front before the war came to an end?

Have tweaked the text a little here. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"Kate Wilson": is this name correct? The Taylor source says "Kate Marion Lewis (née Bailey)"

Definitely not correct. I have fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

in the Second World War section, the capitalisation and grammar of "Guards Vital points Battalion" seems a little off. Is this how it is presented in the source? Grammatically it would probably be "Vital Points Guards Battalion", I'd have thought, but obviously we have to go with whatever the Army decided to name it officially.

I had missed the caps on Points, have fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

in the same section, perhaps mention that he had to lie about his age to volunteer again, per Taylor

Done. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

as the Second World War and Later life sections are very short, I'd suggest merging them together

Have done under the later life section. For better flow I moved the material relating to the son to the end of the section. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

one of his sons appears to have predeceased him, was this during the Second World War?

I have done a bit of searching on this, and wasn't able to determine when the son died. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

No worries, thanks for looking. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 08:52, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

in the Citations, there is some inconsistency in how you present "New Zealand Herald" (see # 7 and 10) v "nzherald". IMO, citation 7 is probably the better style, unless they are to be treated as different sources, in which case I'd suggest changing it to "nzherald.co.nz"

Have amended to be consistent with the style used for cite 7. Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"These were James Crichton, a private at the time, Harry Laurent and John Grant, both second lieutenants": I wasn't quite sure of the wording here. Perhaps: "These were James Crichton, a private at the time, and Harry Laurent and John Grant, both second lieutenants." or " These were Private James Crichton and Second Lieutenants Harry Laurent and John Grant."

Have amended as per your second option. Thanks for the feedback AustralianRupert, much appreciated. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:40, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

File:Reginald_Stanley_Judson_VC.jpg: source link is dead; is anything further known about this image's provenance? Nikkimaria (talk) 12:41, 26 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Pretty sure that the image is that which was published in 1921 in an official history. Rather than edit the image, which is a WP file with a fair use tag, I have uploaded a replacement image to WikiCommons and used that in the infobox instead. Thanks for the image check. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:48, 27 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dank

Support on prose per my standard disclaimer. Well done. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 22:25, 28 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.