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The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Anglo–Zanzibar War

[edit]
Promoted --ROGER DAVIES talk 06:02, 18 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

This is a current GA which has recently undergone a copy edit at which I was recommended to nominate it for FA/A-class. I have gone for the latter as although I have exhausted all of my current sources I do have a map which I want to make my own version of and upload before it goes to FA. Cheers - Dumelow (talk) 11:40, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment I've tweaked some of the footnotes for consistency, but is there anyway you can break the London Gazette template so that it aslo uses "p" for consistency instaed of "page"? Secondly isn't it a convention to use 24-hour clocks on military timing articles? YellowMonkey (bananabucket) 07:17, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing I can do about the gazette refs I'm afraid, I suppose a request could be made to User:DavidCane to change it but I am not sure what work would be involved as I have no experience of the template system. I wasn't aware of the convention for 24 hour times but I can change them if its a convention. Cheers - Dumelow (talk) 19:20, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Should just add that I am not a member of the Military History Wikiproject so the 24 hour thing could have easily have passed me by - Dumelow (talk) 19:38, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Full disclosure: I have made minor contributions to this article recently. The article is NPOV, comprehensive, well written and well illustrated. Dhatfield (talk) 17:18, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Looks great so far; excellent work. I am very impressed with the length of the article; it provides an overall summary of the event without over detail. I think the article is close to FA class, but I have a few prose concerns. Here is some brief feedback that I hope is helpful:
    • Perhaps cut back a little on the wikilinks (e.g. barricade, marines, sailors, etc).
 Done, I took out many of the obvious ones which seemed to be concentrated in the lead - Dumelow (talk) 16:40, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'm concerned about the 2nd sentence in the lead: "With..." Maybe: The conflict lasted only 40 minutes, the shortest in recorded history. Not sure about this, though.
 Done, I have changed it to look a little more "sentencey", hopefully reads a little better now - Dumelow (talk) 16:40, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • This sentence: Hostilities opened with the expiry of the ultimatum at 9:00 am EAT on 27 August and a force of three British cruisers, two gunships, 150 marines and sailors and 900 Zanzibaris under Rear-Admiral Harry Rawson and Brigadier-General of the Zanzibar army, Lloyd Mathews, attacked the palace. might be better broken up. I propose: Hostilities opened with...27 August, when the British attacked the palace. The force consisted of: etc etc...
 Done - Dumelow (talk) 07:20, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Perhaps the next sentence should be in the past tense: Around 2800 Zanzibaris defended the palace; the force included recruits from the civ pop,...etc...
 Done - Dumelow (talk) 07:23, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Work on redundancies in the prose. For example: In all, around 500 of the Sultan's force were killed and the British force suffered just one sailor injured. Consider: The Sultan's forces sustained roughly 500 casualties, while one British sailor was injured.
 Done, fixed this instance, will check for more - Dumelow (talk) 19:50, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Perhaps break complex sentences into simpler, easier to understand chunks. For example, the following is lengthy: Britain and Germany vied for control of trade rights and territory in the area throughout the late 19th century; in the Heligoland-Zanzibar Treaty of 1890 Germany ceded its rights in Zanzibar to the United Kingdom and pledged not to interfere with British actions there.
 Done, fixed this instance, will check for more - Dumelow (talk) 19:50, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for that Lazulilasher, they are all good suggestions and I will try to make the changes highlighted later today. Cheers - Dumelow (talk) 07:11, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, although with a comment:
  1. Anything that was checked from a website should have an access date.

JonCatalán(Talk) 15:44, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers, I have added an access date for the times obituary which, I think, was the only one lacking. Thanks - Dumelow (talk) 16:20, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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