Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Donal Lenihan

Donal Lenihan

Hi - I hope this article can be reviewed for the following reasons.

It is of a well known Irish Rugby manager and sporting personality that should have a good Wiki article.
There are a number of other articles for Irish rugby managers that if I get good feedback I will do similar work on them once I see the feedback.
Just want to see how my wiki style is :-) as I have been editting and creating for some time and wanted some peer input.
Got sick of patrolling and wanted to take a break and put a solid bit of time into makingthis article look better.

All help, feedback appreciated....--BustOut (talk) 16:13, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It's very short, and there are no images. You may like to try expanding the article, and investigating whether there are any free use images that can be uploaded/added. DrKiernan (talk) 12:56, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Hag2

This article needs lots of work. Editing mentally as soon as I began reading, I managed to make it through three sentences. The following are my reasons for abandoning the article after the third sentence:
First of all, the Infobox baffled me since it was so large but contained so little. However since you are writing about the game of rugby and about rugby players, I elected to ignore my bafflement, and move on...under the supposition that these kinds of articles require these kinds of Infoboxes.
The first sentence was missing vital punctuation—as is your above commentary. There was no opening parenthesis-bracket and the missing commas between adjectives bothered me greatly: they are absolutely necessary in this case. Also, the single sentence lead should be followed by something! Thus, I would move the town into a second sentence: for example—

"Donal Gerard Lenihan (born 12 September 1959) is a retired, Irish, rugby union player with 52 international caps. He was born in Cork."
— incidentally...which stinks. How will my ten-year-old daughter know what is meant by "international caps"?

Writing about a person on a first-name basis, is not encyclopedic. Nor is using acronyms without explaining them in full title. Thus,

"Donal was raised in a sporting background as his father Ger was a national boxing champion and GAA player. He was a student at UCC and played for the rugby team while studying there."
— is meaningless to me.

Spell them out first: Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA) and University College Cork (UCC).

All this is why I gave up after the third sentence, and concluded that your article needs much work. Sorry. I will look in the future for you some time again. Hag2 (talk) 15:19, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]