Wikipedia:Peer review/Windows Mobile/archive1

Windows Mobile

I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to know what the article needs as a whole. What sort of things need to be added? Removed? Is everything appropriate for a featured article status? Thanks, Brianreading 19:10, 10 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 15:27, 11 October 2007 (UTC) Done Brianreading 18:39, 11 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I've completed this checklist of automated peer review suggestions. Any non-automated suggestions? Brianreading 18:39, 11 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Jeff

After taking a brief look through this article, there are some good parts, but I have to say it has some issues. Although it doesn't look like an advertising piece (because it is written in a neutral tone) it feels like just a list of features.

I can see a lot of work went into this article, so the research part of the work is done. It just needs some rewriting to make it flow more smoothly.
The article needs to be cut back drastically, especially in the 'versions' section. No one wants to read a long list of things like "Customer feedback option" and "Improved internet sharing." Turn these things into prose, where the important details/changes/features are talked about and why they are important. Some of the features mentioned in the versions section are too detailed and should be trimmed back. Many readers don't want to read through a tedious march of sentences like "When a program or message box is open the blank space after the clock is filled with an OK or close icon"
The article needs to mention criticism of the software, which includes both positive and negative criticism. (I'm sure there must be something). Did people find it too expensive? complicated? Did they like it because it has a certain feature? how about system security?
The lead needs to better summarize the article, meaning it should include a (very short!) summary of everything in the article.
check out Wikipedia:Manual of Style and especially Wikipedia:The perfect article for some good writing tips. Jeff Dahl 04:46, 13 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]