| So I have just looked over the lead and I found a few problems, but nothing major....
Lead
- 21 April 2010 by Virgin Records (EMI France). – my opinion for dates, is that for writing it should be stated April 21, 2010
- Per MOS:DATES David Guetta is the primary artist, he is also of non-American origin therefore international date formats apply which mean DD-MM-YY as opposed to the American format of MM-DD, YY. -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- It bares some similarities to Coldplay's 2002 hit single "Clocks". – comma before ‘Clocks”
- Done -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Most noted the addition of Rowland's powerful and emotionally-charged vocals which make the single the most memorable song from One Love. – scrap "which make" and put "made"
- Replaced "which make" with "which made" -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- It achieved worldwide success by topping ten charts including in the UK, Ireland, Italy and Switzerland. – You say charts but then you state countries not the chart, A better way of saying it is “It achieved worldwide success by topping the charts in ten countries, including in the UK, Ireland, Italy and Switzerland.”
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- They were also invited to perform the song live for the Miss Universe 2009 competition. – this makes it sound as if they were invited, but didn’t perform
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- certification – needs to be plural
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Additionally song earned Guetta two Grammy Award nominations for "Best Dance Recording" and "Best Non-Classical, Remixed Recording", the latter of which the song's extended electro remix won. – comma after Additionally and a the is needed before “song”
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 15:56, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'll get to the rest in a little bit, but other than that good work - the lead does a great job at summarizing the article--Blackjacks101 (talk) 14:44, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I am continuing the review now...I am starting to find more problems
Composition
Music:
- It was described is a – <It was described as a
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Commercial Performance
- In Guetta's native France, "When Love Takes Over" debuted on the French Digital Chart at number fourteen[17] and the French Singles Chart at number two.[18] It peaked on the Digital Chart at number three on 18 July 2009. – first sentence should say something like “In Guetta's native France, "When Love Takes Over" debuted on the French Digital Chart at number fourteen and then climbed to a peak of number three on the week of 18 July 2009.” Then second should say “ On the French Singles Chart it debuted and peaked at number two.” Or something around these lines
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- The single was successful elsewhere in Europe, topping charts in Belgium (Wallonia),[22] Czech Republic,[23] Hungary,[24] Ireland,[25] Italy,[26] Slovakia,[27]and Switzerland – and the U.K
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- The song reached top ten in other regions, except in Brasil[29] and Canada. – try saying something like ``In most other countries, the song reached the top ten, except for in Brasil and Canada``, also it didn’t reach top ten in the U.S
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- In Rowland's native country of the United States the single was successful, topping both the Hot Dance Airplay and Hot Dance Club Songs charts, as well as reaching number seventy-six on the Billboard Hot 100. – I wouldn’t say it was successful. You can say it was successful on dance airplay but not on the Billboard Hot 100 because 76 is not that great of a position
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- The song was nominated for the Best Dance Recording at the 52nd Grammy Awards ceremony. It lost out to "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga.[45] The song's Electro Extended Remix was successful at the ceremony, winning Guetta his first Grammy Award for the Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical.[46][47]- not relevant to Commercial performance
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Last Paragraph focuses too much on the covers, we are focusing on Guetta’s version not the others and also this information can put later in the article I suggest that information on the covers are removed from Commercial Performance
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Commercial Performance needs a lot of work I suggest going back and checking it again
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Music Video
Did nobody critique the music video?
Other than that looks good
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Live performances and covers
This is where the information on the cover should be added in my opinion
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Before I do more in depth editing I strongly advise you too look at the Commercial and Music Video Sections, for commercial you should try re-wording some things and taking irrelevant stuff out, as well for the Music Video section try finding some criticism but if you can`t no big deal.
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 16:47, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I know I have been kind of picky but I have seen the drama involving FA noms and to avoid this drama, simple mistakes like the ones above should not be brought up during the actual nomination process. After you have dealt with some of these problems and have gone pack to look at it, I`ll continue. All in all though this article does have potential.--Blackjacks101 (talk) 16:03, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
- The song's lyrics carry a message of the euphoria one feels when in love with a significant other. It bares some similarities to Coldplay's 2002 hit single, "Clocks". - I thought that the similarity was between the production not the lyrics
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 21:29, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Live Performances and covers
- Remove and covers from the title
- The duo then performed together around the world, including on the UK daytime variety show, This Morning on 18 June 2009 - you just stated that the promotion began in the UK then they went around the world but then you stated promotion in the UK
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 21:29, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Cover versions
- British singer-songwriter covered the song for the re-issue of her debut album, Turn It Up.[70] - state the singer
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 21:29, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Other than that, everything looks good. I suggest you can somebody who has been involved with an actual FA to edit this some more so they can point out other problems if there is. For the most part though, this article is very well written and with some more improvements it could possibly become FA, Good Work!--Blackjacks101 (talk) 17:26, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 [talk] 21:29, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
|
