Wikipedia:Peer review/Wannabe (song)/archive1

Wannabe (song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it have the potential to be a FA since all the major aspects are covered and the references are reliable. My biggest concern is the prose and grammar, since one of the requirements is that the prose must be "engaging, even brilliant, and of a professional standard". English is not my first language so is a little difficult for me to see the mistakes. Any suggestions and comments would be appreciated. Thanks,

Thanks, Frcm1988 (talk) 20:12, 17 August 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I have worked through the first few sections, doing some copyedits as I go. I can't promise that I will be able to go through the whole article in the same detail, but here are some suggestions picked up in the first few sections. Some of these may be relevant to the later sections, also (specifically, the inclusion of too much trivial detail).

• General point: It is a cause of some confusion that you refer to the the Spice Girls individually as "Brown", "Chisholm" etc, when they were scarcely known by these names when they were an active group. It's hard to think of them as such, unless the article includes an introductory paragraph in which the five singers are properly introduced.

Thanks for reviewing the article, your comments were very helpfull. I did almost eveything you suggested but I have a few questions. Frcm1988 (talk) 19:51, 29 August 2010 (UTC)

I added information about how the group got together in the background section: In March 1994, father-and-son team Bob and Chris Herbert together with financer Chic Murphy, traded under the business name of Heart Management, placed an advert in The Stage, which asked the question: "Are you street smart, extrovert, ambitious, and able to sing and dance?". After receiving hundreds of replies, the management reduced their search down to a group of five girls: Victoria Beckham, Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm, Geri Halliwell and Michelle Stephenson. The group moved to a house in Maidenhead and received the name "Touch". Stephenson was eventually fired because she lacked the drive that the rest of the group had, and was replaced by Emma Bunton.

I also added some information of the group after they left their mangement on the recording section: Because of the group's frustration at their management's unwillingness to listen to their visions and ideas, they parted from Heart Management in March 1995, and eventually met with artist manager Simon Fuller, who decided to sign them with 19 Entertainment. The group toured record labels with Fuller and finally signed a deal with Virgin Records in July.

I don't know is this is too far behind from the group' history, or if you mean to called them by their nicknames that was how most of the people know them, Sporty, Baby, Posh, etc.

• Lead
  • "Written by the group members, Matt Rowe and Richard Stannard..." What?? They were members of the Spice Girls? Corrected
  • We don't say "press'" as a possessive form. In this case we just say "press interest". Corrected
  • The words "it was a commercial success" in the fourth paragraph seem redundant, in view of the information already provided about its reception Removed
  • "...becoming their only number-one single in that country". You need to define "their", i.e. "the group's" Corrected
  • "It became the best-selling single by a female group in the history of recorded sound..." Too over-the-top for an encyclopedia article, and in any event needs an "up to" qualifier, since it won't necessarily hold that distinction for ever. Reworded
• Background
  • What is a "showcase"? Wikilinked to Variety show
  • "...that he had found the pop group of their dreams". This wording needs to be in quotes; it is not an objective comment. Added quotes
• Writing and inspiration
  • The word "soulful", which you have pipelinked to "soul music", meanss "expressing profound thoughts or feelings". I'm not sure that htis applies to soul music ehich, unless I'm mistaken, is a combination of jazz, gospel and blues. So I'm not sure about the value of the link. Removed wikilink
  • "...the group wanted to write something a bit more uptempo." Try to use a slightly more formal style; "a bit more" is too casual. Likewise "a quite fast rhythm" Reworded
  • "the spirit of John Travolta"? Suggest reword, removing the ambiguity that suggests Travolta was dead. Changed to scenes
  • "making a rap during the bridge": for the benefit of the uninitiated, what does this mean? What is the "bridge"? Reworded
  • "adapted the word ... into" → "incorporated the word ... into" Replaced
  • last paragraph: too gossipy, overdetailed. Moved part of the info to the recording section, removed the rest
• Recording and production
  • "While most of the other songs on the album..." A reminder of the album's name would be useful. Added name
  • More unnecessary chitchat ("a sleeping bag on the vocal booth floor", etc) Removed info
• Composition
  • What is meant by "undislodgeable" piano notes? There is no such word, by the way.

Ohh, I really don't know what to do here, probably the author made up a word from the verb dislodge. The source have: Wannabe opens with immediately undislodgable piano notes, which act as stepping stones to the chorus. Don't know how to reword this, or perhaps it should be removed

• • • If the source says it, put it in quotes, add [sic], and put a citation at the end of the sentence. Brianboulton (talk) 23:04, 2 September 2010 (UTC)

OK, I added the quotes and the sic, thanks for the suggestion. Frcm1988 (talk) 02:20, 3 September 2010 (UTC)

• "ambiguously sexualised or broadly economic." What does this mean?

Ok the group have never actually said what the word means. They always said in interviews that it can mean whatever you want it to mean. In many books from musicologists and scholar analyisis have pretty much concluded that "zigazig-ha" means sex or female desire. Most of them also said that this desire is ambiguous: desire for sex or for power. In one book they mention that it is an euphenism for penis or phallus, or maybe not the desire for the phallus itself but for the phallic power. Do you have a suggestion for this?

Please work on these, and I'll get beck to it when I can. Brianboulton (talk) 22:23, 28 August 2010 (UTC)