Wikipedia:Peer review/Video game/archive1

Video game

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think it needs general review.

Thanks, Kozuch (talk) 12:09, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

• Of all the images to choose from, why was that particular image chosen for the top right corner? dihydrogen monoxide (H₂O) 03:46, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

• Yeah, why the choice of image?
• Image captions, if fragments, do not have periods.
• Split ref section into Specific and General sections.
• In general, the article suffers from lack of reference.
• "The term "system" is also commonly used." - prove it.
• Second para of Platforms is citation-less.
• As is Genres and Types.
• Development also. Plus resolve the [citation needed] tags.
• "Duke Nukem Forever is the quintessential example of these problems." quite possibly the most original piece of research I've read lately.
• Cheats and Glitches sections need citation.
• "Simply put, ludologists reject traditional theories of art because they claim that the artistic and socially relevant qualities of a video game are primarily determined by the underlying set of rules, demands, and expectations imposed on the player." - original research alarm bells ringing!
• In-line citations in the Demographics section need to go.
• Benefits section needs to be reworked - prose is bad, it reads like a list.
• 12 "See also"s? Really?

That's a start. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:58, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

Halfway review from Jappalang (talk · contribs)

• Would it not serve the article better if the representative image shows someone playing a video game with the input and output devices clearly visible (including what is on screen)?
• Disregarding that, the current image caption under SMB image would need a {{As of}} since SMB could be displaced as the world's best selling game at a certain point in time.
• The opening sentence "A video game is a game that involves interaction with a user interface to generate visual feedback on a video device." might contain terms too technical (user interface, visual feedback) for the general reader and scare them off. I suggest "A video game is a game in which players play by interacting with input devices and video displays."
• Why is Overview after History?
• There are various redundant sentences or words.
  • "The electronic systems used to play video games are known as platforms; examples of these are personal computers and video game consoles. These platforms are broad in range, from large computers to small handheld devices.": The phrase "examples of these are personal computers and video game consoles." is redundant with the second sentence. The second sentence could incorporate the examples instead.
  • "William Higinbotham's interactive game called Tennis for Two in 1958" -> "William Higinbotham's Tennis for Two in 1958"
  • "(the game was featured in the 1973 science fiction film Soylent Green)": This is pretty non-notable unless it was an important part of the film's plot.
  • "while publishers are constantly on the look to" -> "while publishers aim to"
  • "an unlimited amount of some resource" -> "an unlimited amount of resource"
• Certain copyedit suggestions:
  • "which varies across platforms" -> "which varies in design across platforms"
  • "The formulative years of video games consist of basic games that made use of interactive electronic devices with various display formats." -> "The early years of video games saw the creation of basic games on various electronic instruments with visual displays."
  • "The two ??? filed" -> Researchers? Scientists? Engineers? Stating their profession here can help the reading experience.
  • "that allowed a user to control a vector drawn dot on the screen to simulate a missile being fired" -> "that allowed a user to control a vector drawn dot on the screen and simulate a missile being fired"
  • "Each game used different means of display" -> "Each game used different methods to display its content"
  • "In 1971, Computer Space was released and was the first commercially sold, coin-operated video game." -> "The first commercial coin-operated video game was Computer Space, which was sold in 1971."
  • "it also used a standard television and game generated video signal": What does this mean? From what I read on the Odyssey's article, "it could work with any standard television set" would do.
  • "These include advergames, educational games, propaganda games (e.g. militainment), and others. Many of these fall under the category of serious games." A bit of elaboration on their purposes would be fine.
  • "like altered game colors or graphical appearances." -> "like changing the appearances of the game's contents."
  • "For example, Aarseth" -> "He"
• Per User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a, the following can be done:
  • "utilized" -> "used"
  • "need to be able to" -> "need to"
  • "in order to" -> "to"
  • Do not use "and/or".
• "Typically, a video game console development team can range in sizes of anywhere from 5 to 50 people, with some teams exceeding 100.[citation needed] The growth of team size combined with greater pressures to get completed projects into the market to begin recouping production costs has led to a greater occurrence of missed deadlines and unfinished products; Duke Nukem Forever is the quintessential example of these problems." Disregarding the Duke Nukem OR, this sentence needs a copyedit and a rethink in its logic. I fail to see how a growing team and pressure to push a game out early can lead to missed deadlines and vaporware. A growing team (new members) can lead to delays per Brooks's law but the pressure? Pressure would likely result in unpolished releases rather than vaporware since they would ignore resulting delays and simply push out a product. Sources should be given for this viewpoint at the least.
• "such as the (previously) Half-Life mod Counter-Strike": What is this "previously" about?
• "may be later corrected if the developers release a patch." Explain what a patch does.
• "Murray puts video games in the context of the Holodeck, a fictional piece of technology from Star Trek, arguing for the video game as a medium in which we get to become another person, and to act out in another world. This image of video games received early widespread popular support, and forms the basis of films such as Tron, eXistenZ, and The Last Starfighter." How does the Holodeck, a device mainly imagined for ST:TNG starting 1987 get used as a basis for 1982 Tron and 1984 The Last Starfighter? Please re-examine the paragraph as it seems to be implying something for which is not true.

I have reviewed up to Theory, but would like to see the above rectified before proceeding to the rest. Jappalang (talk) 06:18, 10 June 2008 (UTC)