Wikipedia:Peer review/The Final Fantasy Legend/archive1

The Final Fantasy Legend

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to make a solid push for FA status, and want to know everything I need to fix and rewrite. The plot still needs some citing, but I plan to take care of that during this process. Just basically hit me with all you can.

Thanks, Kung Fu Man (talk) 15:26, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, neutral, stable, and well-sourced. The images look fine, but you may have trouble persuading reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law. My main concerns are with prose and Manual of Style issues. Quite a few of the sentences are inelegant, wordy, or confusing, and problems with subject-verb agreement recur throughout. I did some copyediting as I went, and I have quite a few specific suggestions for improvement. When you've fixed everything you can, another copyedit would be in order. You might be able to find a copyeditor via the list at the bottom of WP:PRV.

Lead

• "The four heroes controlled by the player may be one of three character classes, each with their own unique paths of customization." - Tighten to "The four heroes controlled by the player may belong to one of three character classes, each with a unique path of customization"?

Gameplay

• "Initially, the player is limited to the World of Continent to explore, and given access to later worlds as they climb the Tower." - Since "player" is singular, should this say, "as he or she climbs the Tower" rather than "they"?
• "Like other Final Fantasy related games, travel across the world map screen and hostile areas is occasionally interrupted by random enemy encounters." - Flip to active voice, thus: "Random enemy encounters sometimes interrupt travel across the world-map screen as in other Final Fantasy games"?

Classes

• "and monsters, each with their own strengths and weaknesses" - Since "each" is singular, this should be "with its own strengths... ".
• "Monster-class characters are dependent of its sub-class, and as a result vary greatly." - "Characters" is plural, but "its" is singular. In addition, the sentence doesn't seem logical. Should the sentence read, "Monster-class characters are dependent on their sub-classes, and their statistics vary greatly"?
• "Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, with females having an initial boost to abilities over males." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction. Would this be better as "Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, but females start with more abilities"?
• "The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on their class." - "Character is singular" but "their" is plural. If you don't want to use the awkward "his or her" construction, it's possible to use plural or to re-cast the sentence. Suggestion: "The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on the character's class."

Equipment and abilities

• "When used in combat, attack spells/abilities are will damage a target by an elemental type, non-combative spells/abilities inflict status ailments such as "blindness" on a target with different effects for each or give the user some beneficial effect, and healing spells/abilities restore a target's HP, and can be used outside of combat." - This sentence makes no sense. In addition, the front slash is almost always awkward as a connector. Perhaps "healing spells and abilities" would be better. Ditto for the other front-slashed noun combinations.

• "Resistances and weaknesses are abilities active throughout combat, and give the user a resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, represented by an "O" or "X" next to the type accordingly, or nullify the effect of a status ailment." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Resistances and weaknesses are abilities that are active throughout combat. They give the user resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, or they cure an ailment."
• "In order to be used during combat, these must be equipped onto a party member... " - "Equipped onto" isn't standard English. Perhaps this would work: "In order to use equipment during combat, a party member must possess or acquire it. Each piece of equipment requires one weapon slot."

Combat

• "the player selects an action for each player character from their equipment or skills to attack" - "Player" is singular; "their" is plural.
• "In the event the player attempts to run and fails... - I'm not sure what this means. Do the players (game operators) literally run or attempt to run?

Versions and re-releases

• "in March 2002 a Japan-exclusive port was released under the Japanese title... " - Should "port" be explained?
• "The concept art and graphics were redrawn by Toshiyuki Itahana, and cutscenes were added." - Wikilink cutscene?

Reception and legacy

• "The one-eyed monster featured on the Japanese box art would appear in the sequel as a character named "Teacher", and later became the series' mascot" - "Appeared" rather than "would appear"? Ditto for other places in the article where straight past tense would be more direct than a conditional verb form.

Images

• You may have trouble convincing image reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law.
• The images lack alt text, meant for readers who cannot see the images. WP:ALT has details.

General

• The dabfinder tool at the top of this review pages finds eight links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.

References

• Titles in all caps in the Reference section should be re-written in title case; e.g. ""PRESS START 2008 -SYMPHONY OF GAMES" in citation 59 should be "Press Start 2008-Symphony of Games". This is true even if the titles appear in all caps in the source documents.
• Page ranges take en dashes rather than hyphens.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 23:14, 13 November 2009 (UTC)