Wikipedia:Peer review/The Angrez/archive1

The Angrez

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have worked on it for sometime and made it reader friendly and it still has a start satus on it. I have quoted several authentic references from the internet and other sources. The article is not too big nor too short, just the way it should be for the readers. I will try and improvise it as soon as I get hold of more sources from the internet and newspaper, journals and other books. At the moment I only need a peer review against B status.

Thanks, Nefirious (talk) 18:42, 7 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note, there were two peer reviews opened for this article within 7 minutes, so I have deleted the second and added the one comment it had that was not already here. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:06, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fair enough. Nefirious (talk) 02:48, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.

This article has no or few images. Please see if there are any free use images that fall under the Wikipedia:Image use policy and fit under one of the Wikipedia:Image copyright tags that can be uploaded. To upload images on Wikipedia, go to Special:Upload; to upload non-fair use images on the Wikimedia Commons, go to commons:special:upload.

As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2]</ref> .,</ref>,,

Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

Comments by H1nkles There are several writing issues that I've found in my initial run through the article. I'll bring them up here:

"However in the movie, it is a term used by the comical gang of residents from the Charminar locality in Hyderabad to refer to the NRIs they encounter at an Irani hotel."

Usually you need to spell out an abbreviation when it is first used. Linking it isn't enough.

"The real funny bunch of Muslim guys from the Old City Area, the ones who just live in their own pride of silly things."

This sentence is not very encyclopedic. You want to convey the information in a professional tone. Also "really funny bunch of Muslim guys" is an opinion. Please try to keep editorial opinions out of the article.

"Based in the old city, the Ismail bhai gang meets up in char minar and starts their daily routine with gossips, babble and talks of bravery. Ismail bhai is apparently the gang leader and his gang comprises Salim, a habitual liar, Jahangir, a self claimed hardcore gangster and Gafoor and Chaus who follow Ismail bhai throughout the film. While visiting the old city, Pranai and Rochak meet the Ismail bhai gang in hotel in the old city. The Ismail bhai gang and Pranai and Rochak enter into a spat. In a bid to get his camera from Ismail bhai Rochak accidently tears off Ismail bhai's shirt."

This section of prose is one example of a larger problem with grammar. I would rewrite a portion of it thus: "...the gang meet up in the char minar (is this a proper noun? If so it should be capitalized: Char Minar) and start their daily routine of gossip, and boasting". Watch comma usage, there are several spots like, "In a bid to get his camera from Ismail bhai, Rochak accidently tears off Ismail bhai's shirt." Where a comma is needed. A thorough copy edit is needed on the article.

"He met numerous people and also learnt of the life in call centres and the NRI's."

Another example of grammatical problems. Learnt should be Learned. Also "...and the NRI's" doesn't make sense in the sentence the way it is written. I know what you're trying to communicate but it is not written properly. "He met numerous people, investigated the culture of NRI's living in Hyderabad, and learned about the working conditions in call centres." This is an off-the-top-of-my-head rewrite of the sentence.

What is "bonalu to baraat"? A reader unfamiliar with the subject would not understand what it is you're trying to communicate about Hyderabadi culture. Also no need to link to Hyderabadi culture if no article exists.

"The producers had to do a lot of running about since there were only a few takers."

Another example of unencyclopedic language. I'm not sure what is trying to be conveyed here.

Now for general comments:

Ref 16 is a dead link, which should be repaired.
Hyderabad, Old City, Script, and Spoof are Disambiguous links, see WP:DAB for more info on this, basically it's links that could apply to more than one article. You'll need to specify which article you want it to apply to.
You need to add alt text to the film poster. This will help people who can't view the image to know what the image is portraying.
Reference formatting for websites should have the article title, publisher and accessdate as a bare minimum amount of information. Adding date of the article, author, and work will help fill out the reference. Just referencing to a website like Refs 2-5 and 16 is not sufficient. Also any magazine, newspaper, or other periodical should be italicized. Is The Hindu a magazine? It should be italicized if it is.

For future reference you don't need a peer review to move an article up the line of quality ranking. The first time an article undergoes external review is for GA consideration. This is done by nominating the article at WP:GAC. You can then move the article to WP:FAC for FA review, though this should only be done after considerable improvement after it passes GA. Articles don't have to go through the GA review process but it is a very helpful procedure. I would say that the article is a strong C class right now, given a good copy edit and improvement in the language to be more encyclopedic I would then put it at B class. I hope this has helped, please contact me on my talk page if you have any further questions or concerns. H1nkles _{citius altius fortius} 21:11, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Points you've raised are valid and a lot of material is not encyclopedic but an opinion. I will rewrite the plot or make major changes and i've checked the 16th reference, it works. Whatever content has been written has to be written in a way that the readers understand every word of it. Especially those who are alien to Hyderabadi culture. I will do the needful and thanks for the comments, they were indeed very helpful.