Wikipedia:Peer review/Super Mario Bros. 35/archive1

Super Mario Bros. 35

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This peer review discussion is closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because… well, I'm not actually sure. Most likely a setup for featured article, however. I'd appreciate any comments to make this article stronger. It shouldn't be a daunting task (like my current Paper Mario: The Origami King FAC), as it is rather short. Length is (roughly) never a criteria, however.

Thanks, Le Panini ^Talk 11:44, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Did you intend to add this to Template:FAC peer review sidebar? Up to you. If you do add it, please remember to remove it when closing the PR. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:47, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SandyGeorgia: Yes, I know I forgot to remove it last time. In my defense, when I did remember, you went and did it for me (thanks btw). I think the reason why I'm not saying I'm probably gonna submit it for FAC is because of how stupid the article is. I'm doing it anyways; I put it in there.Le Panini ^Talk 23:40, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I will weigh in here eventually ... lots on my list ... if you don't hear from me within a few weeks, remember to pester me :) SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:55, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SandyGeorgia: No problem, take your time. I'm definitely caught up in Paper Mario and other projects right now anyways. Le Panini ^Talk 02:27, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

SandyGeorgia

Le Panini, my first pass:

The 2020 where it is is awkward ...
Super Mario Bros. 35 is a 2020 online multiplayer 2D platforming game with battle royale elements. Developed by Arika and published by Nintendo, the game was created to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Super Mario Bros.. Is the double period intended?

How about --> Super Mario Bros. 35 is an online multiplayer 2D platforming game with battle royale elements. Developed by Arika and published by Nintendo, the game was created to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Super Mario Bros. in 2020.

Done.
Something is wrong here grammatically, or I just don't understand the gaming terminology ... I don't at all understand what it's saying.
Enemies players defeat are sent to other opponents using one of four targeting options. -->

Done.
The parenthetical here is not optimal ... maybe turn it in to its own sentence? (with Luigi being unlockable as a playable character through an Easter egg)
Done.
These courses consist of collectibles ... courses are collectibles? Contain collectibles? Are completed by gathering collectibles? Can't tell what this is saying ...
Done.
Different enemies appear in certain levels, with different ways of defeating them. --> At each level, different enemies appear, and the ways they can be defeated vary by level. ???
Usually if something is worth saying, it needs not be a parenthetical ... unless it is TRULY an aside ... parentheses signal to a reader's mind that it's OK to skip over this part, and I don't think you intend that:
Most enemies can be defeated by jumping onto them (such as Goombas, the most common enemy).

--> ?? Goombas are the most common enemies; most enemies can be defeated by jumping onto them.

Done.
Non-gamer alert, as a reader I have no idea why this sentence is placed where it is ... don't understand how it relates to the rest of the paragraph: Bowser appears as a boss in the fourth stage of each world.
Some players have been accused of hacking ... some is vague ... a lot, a few, a certain kind ... tell us more ? Otherwise, the word "some" adds little.
Done.
Time context is missing here and the statement will become dated ... Nintendo has started to take action by removing videos published online showing gameplay that is suspected of demonstrating hacking. Nintendo stared taking action in Month year by ...
As of date? Do these things change over time? The website calculated a normalized rating of 74/100 based on 26 reviews
Yes, but this is always updated. It's currently displayed how it is on Metacritic.
The second paragraph of reception is a whole ton of A said B. C said D. E said F. Work on the WP:RECEPTION tips. You've done a good job of setting a theme for each paragraph in reception, but the A said B needs work ... blend more thoughts together.

All for now, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:45, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47

Please add ALT text to the infobox image. Make sure every image in the article has appropriate ALT text.
Done.
I would avoid having the "with +ing" sentence construction, like in this part, with 35 players competing in real-time in a battle royale format. It is something that I see repeatedly discouraged in FACs so I would read through the entire article (as I see other instances of this) and find ways to avoid this.
For this part, reviews from critics, praising the game's unique concept of, I would say something like critics, who praised instead and then changing the later part to but criticized so it reads reviews from critics, who praised the game's unique concept of combining Super Mario Bros. with battle royale gameplay, but criticized its repetition and simplicity. I took out the second instance of "game's" as I did not think it was necessary.
For the "Gameplay" section, I do not see the benefit of using run-and-jump platforming over the more straight-forward platform game.
I am uncertain about the current placement of the Luigi Easter egg because that sentence is already rather dense and more so focused on establishing the basic gameplay elements. I think it would be better to put the Luigi part elsewhere into its own sentence to really allow this information to breathe so it is not completely thrown on to the reader all at once. I can see this being rather confusing for an unfamiliar reader specifically.
I have never played this game (or heard of it) before reading this article so apologies in advance for the rather silly question. I was initially confused by this sentence: A player wins once all other players are beaten. Could you clarify what you man when a player beats other players? I am guessing that this means whoever finishes the levels first wins, but I am uncertain if that is made immediately clear in the prose. I think it may worthwhile to clarify the winning conditions.
In the "Gameplay" section's second paragraph, you repeated the word "enemies" quite often. I am uncertain if this can be avoided or not, but it was something I noticed while reading through the article so I wanted to raise it to your attention. I think the prose on this particular paragraph could use more work to make it more cohesive because as SG states above, the Bowser part for instance kind of coms out of nowhere.
For this part, Players can earn a bounty of coins if they knock out any opponents during a match., I am not really sure what "a bounty" means.
I would reword this sentence, Super Mario Bros. 35 was developed by Arika, starting before the release of the company's previous game, Tetris 99, in February 2019. to something like Arika developed Super Mario Bros. 35, starting before the release of the company's previous game, Tetris 99, in February 2019. to avoid passive tense and starting two sentences in a row with the game's title.
This part, denied cloning the project, calling the claims not true, seems rather repetitive. If the company is denying this than of course they are saying the claims are not true. I'd remove the "calling the claims not true" part as it is not saying anything new.
Done. The reason why this is here is because I was addressing an issue for the DYK nomination. I fixed it now.

I hope these comments are helpful and have a great rest of your week! Aoba47 (talk) 23:55, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! I'll be sure to get to this soon. Le Panini ^[🥪] 18:00, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Take as much time as you need. Hope you are staying safe out there. Aoba47 (talk) 18:16, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]