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Wikipedia:Peer review/Steve Dahl/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to improve the quality enough so that it can become a Featured Article. I'm open to any and all suggestions but some stuff I'd like to ask about/request:

  • Personal life section: This was originally two smaller sections, with one of them opening the article and titled "Early life". But both were quite short, so I combined them. Does this seem ok?
  • General copyediting/proofreading: It should be too bad, but everything can always be better. Thoughts?
  • General structure regarding headings/subheadings: Does it seem ok/readable?


Thanks, Nobody of Consequence (talk) 07:26, 23 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

  • Current ref 36 is lacking a last access date.
Otherwise the sources look good. You said you wished to go to FA with this, and I've checked over the sources like I would have at FAC. I did not read the prose or do any checking of the prose. 21:57, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Wackymacs (talk · contribs)

  • Looks like the lead needs rewriting. It is disorganized and a bit too long, really. Try to make the paragraphs equal in length to improve flow/readability.
  • Jack FM section is short.
  • Doesn't seem to be any information about his earlier life (who was he born to, for example), childhood and education?
  • Looks pretty good otherwise.

Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 18:44, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]