Wikipedia:Peer review/Simeon I of Bulgaria/archive1
I'd appreciate any sort of review, but a thorough review of the entire article will be just perfect. I'm totally determined to bring this to FA, so feel free to be as critical as possible :) I've submitted it at Wikipedia:WikiProject League of Copyeditors/proofreading because I'm not a native speaker, but still, don't hesitate to comment on the quality of the prose too. In short, if there's anything with the article that bothers you, let me know. Todor→Bozhinov 21:10, 13 March 2007 (UTC)
bcasterline
[edit]Interesting article. Some comments:
- Citations in the intro are unnecessary if that information is available later in the article (which most of it should be per WP:LEAD).
- I wonder if "Late rule" can be reorganized into different sections. Right now it's sort of an unconnected jumble of paragraphs.
- Some grammatical/wording issues I couldn't sort out:
- "Simeon did not trust the Byzantine envoy, sending him to prison and ordering that the way of Byzantine navy in the Danube be fenced with ropes and chains..." =? "Simeon did not trust the envoy and, after sending him to prison, ordered the Byzantine navy's route into the Danube closed off with ropes and chains"
- "together with the seditions in southern Italy..." =? "together with revolts in southern Italy"
- "The Bulgarian regiments attacked and again defeated the Byzantines, destroying some of their last units and withdrawing to Bulgaria." Rework the "and withdrawing to Bulgaria" part.
- I would replace the word "force" (as in "forcing Simeon to prepare for war") with a less emphatic alternative. It seems dubious to me in terms of POV/OR -- in that example, was he really forced to go to war?
Certainly can't complain about too few references: in fact, I wonder if it's really necessary to have so many inline citations. You might consider listing some of the most important texts just as references, leaving the citation of individual page numbers for the more controversial claims. But wait to see what the people at FAC have to say. -- bcasterline • talk 19:28, 14 March 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review! I'd personally like to keep the references in the lead, even summaries should have citations in my opinion, and there are some parts that just wouldn't fit well enough outside the intro to be referenced there.
- Not sure if "Late rule" is a jumble, it's just that Simeon's actions of the time were somehow very complex and often difficult to understand and arrange chronologically. Still, I tried to sort things out a bit by separating the section into two.
- As for "force", I noticed I've used the word far too often and substituted it at least five or six times, often with a milder synonym. I've also reworded the other parts you mentioned. My sources often explicitly say that he was forced to wage war, but I guess Greeks would have a different point of view on that matter ;)
- I don't think having too many inline citations could ever be a problem. I've specifically cited the more "controversial" parts. Todor→Bozhinov 20:09, 14 March 2007 (UTC)