Wikipedia:Peer review/Robert Burnell/archive1

Robert Burnell

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take this to FAC at some point and am looking for suggestions on how to make an obscure subject understandable to non-specialists, as well as advice on prose.

Thanks, Ealdgyth - Talk 22:59, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments, not comprehensive, by Doncram

In intro, I find this a bit awkward:"He was elected as Bishop of Bath and Wells in 1275, after King Edward had appointed him chancellor in 1274. Burnell continued to enjoy the king's trust until the bishop's death in 1292." Until the bishop's death?, what bishop?, oh you mean Burnell's death. I see the need to clarify which man died. But perhaps the last sentence could be just: "For the rest of Burnell's life, Burnell enjoyed the king's trust." Not sure if that is better. Anyhow, this a little awkward especially being in the intro, perhaps could reword to avoid.
I find some ambiguities in the last paragraph, within "It was substantially different in plan than the older hall style houses, with the private quarters at the back of a large hall. Instead, at Acton Burnell, the bishop's quarters were located well off from the main public spaces of the building, and included a latrine." I'm not sure
- if the previous/older "hall style houses" is a well-defined set (can it be linked?);
- if Acton Burnell is still a "hall style house" if it is laid out differently
- if private quarters in older hall style houses had latrines or not.
- what is meant by a latrine (can it be linked?)

By the way, Latrine describes something different, what sounds like an outhouse, a separate structure.

Do you mean: "It was substantially different in plan than previous hall style houses, which had private quarters at the back of a large hall. Instead, at Acton Burnell, the bishop's quarters were located well off from the main public spaces of the building. The private quarters included a latrine, which was also unusual."

Hope these quick comments help. doncram (talk) 17:04, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]