Wikipedia:Peer review/Ring the Alarm/archive1

Ring the Alarm

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to FA later. I know it is far from meeting the required criteria. That's why i am nominating it for a PR.

Thanks, Jivesh • Talk2Me 05:34, 12 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Nikkimaria

I've done some copy-editing on first half of the article, feel free to revert. I would suggest, however, that you also get someone from WP:GOCE to look it over
See list of dead/broken links here
"Ring the Alarm" or "Ring The Alarm"? Use consistent capitalization
Be consistent in whether you refer to the artist using her first or last name. If you choose the latter, be consistent in whether you use Knowles' or Knowles's for possessives
WP:OVERLINK - don't link very common terms and don't repeat links, particularly not in close proximity
File:Ring_the_Alarm_low.jpg and File:Ring_the_Alarm_video.jpg - who owns copyright to these images?
Check for consistency in MoS details - whether you use "US" or "U.S.", etc
Is Rihanna just a pop star, or an R&B-pop star? You use both
"while Irreplaceable (2006) was serviced internationally as the album's second single" - could you clarify this? I'm not sure what it means
WP:W2W and WP:NPOV - be sure you're phrasing things as neutrally as possible, and avoid potentially nuanced synonyms for "said"
The quote from Matthew Knowles doesn't really seem related to the artwork issue
"She also stated that the album was completed in three weeks, and that was the reason most of the record's content sounds aggressive" - not sure I follow this argument. What does the time frame have to do with its emotion?
Make sure the text is accessible to non-specialist readers. For example, what is a "neo-warm vibe"?
"If you're in a relationship, even if the man's cheating and you end up not wanting him, the thought of another woman benefiting from the lessons you taught him" - this isn't a complete sentence, is there more to the quote?
"threatened girlfriend" - this phrasing is a bit ambiguous, as it more often refers to a victim of domestic violence. Can it be made clearer?
Be sure to maintain an encyclopedic tone at all times, and avoid colloquialisms
"she honestly was not aware of the rumors that had been circulating" - what rumors? You're assuming that readers will be familiar with the Rihanna-Brown saga, which especially for non-Americans may not be the case
The first few sentences of "Release" need to be clearer - I'm finding it hard to follow what's going on
"including the Karmatronic Remix, Migtight Remix, Tranzformas Remix, Pha Remix and Grizz Remix" - are these all titles? If so, they should be in quotation marks
"Sarah Rodman complimented...He also commented" - unless Sarah's male, something's missing here
""Ring the Alarm" was received by the public with polarized responses", "Billboard viewed "Ring The Alarm" as another female empowering track of Knowles", etc - phrasing is a bit awkward
The part about her falling down the stairs receives a bit too much coverage here
Citations needed tags need to be addressed

I didn't check references here, but you should make sure they are all formatted consistently and meet WP:RS. If you have any questions about any of the above, feel free to ask here - I've got this page watchlisted. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:33, 12 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much Nikki. I will fixed the things you mentioned soonest possible. Jivesh • Talk2Me 17:02, 13 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]