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Wikipedia:Peer review/Rihanna videography/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… when I removed the direct from Rihanna discography I worked hard on it. By hard I mean, I wrote the tables and the lead and properly sourced them. Now I am listing it for peer review, because in near future I want to nominate it for FLC. As a result of that I want to hear some comments that can help to improve it.

Thanks, — Tomica (talk) 17:14, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from What a pro.
  • was disco and dance inspired[2] as its lyrical theme Uh, what?
Oh, then change "as" to "like". Alternatively, put "as" after "was".
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • in a dangerous love triangle struggled between her lover and husband. Remove "struggled", and replace "between" with "with".
  • In 2006, Rihanna also starred No need for the "also".
  • For the new album, Rihanna presented completely new image and style.[8] Perhaps "For the album, Rihanna completely changed her image and style."
  • scenes of Rihanna naked; only covered in silver paint.' I don't think a semicolon is correct here.
  • Seven more singles were released from the album The Good Girl Gone Bad article says there are only seven singles, so remove the "more".
  • ; all directed by Mandler. --> "; all of them were directed by Mandler."
  • Rihanna flew to Europe, to shot --> "to shoot"
  • ideo for "Run This Town"— a collaboration Remove the space after the em-dash.
Yeah.
  • Jesse Williams made cameo appearance --> "made a cameo"
  • In all of them are featured various dance sequences.[32] ––> "All of them feature various dance sequences."
  • shows Rihanna naked - only covered in silver paint. Replace the hyphen with an em-dash.
Yup.
  • photography-based, late-1970s/ early-1980s situation.––> "late-1970s or early-1980s situation."
  • Is there really nothing on the "Live Your Life" video?
  • post-apocalyptic inspired video, shot in No need for the comma.
  • makes cameo appearance. ––> "makes a cameo appearance."
  • while wearing a stylized military costumes. ––> "while wearing stylized military costumes."
  • makes references to some artist ––> "to some artists"
  • Laetitia Casta makes cameo appearance ––> "makes a cameo appearance"
  • Other notable scene' ––> "Other notable scenes"
  • David Guetta makes cameo appearance. ––> "David Guetta makes a cameo appearance."
  • designed 18 feet long bed ––> "designed an 18 foot long bed" Also, consider putting a metric unit for that.
Put this: {{convert|18|ft|m}}.
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The video is footage of Rihanna's lifetime that she had during her 2011 Loud Tour. Remove "'s lifetime that she had".
Just make it "The video is footage of Rihanna during her 2011 Loud Tour.
Re-worded. — Tomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • It contains reference to the 1971 film A Clockwork Orange.[82] ––> "It contains a references to the 1971 film A Clockwork Orange."
  • Merge the two cells that say "Akiva Schaffer".
Also merge the two cells that say "The Lonely Island" in the same table.
 DoneTomica (talk) 08:44, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Add a note in the "Commercials" table saying what "—" stands for.

What a pro (talk, contribs) is on fire. 15:27, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sure.
  • Rihanna's track, "Skin" Dablink!
Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate this help. — Tomica (talk) 17:34, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome! Oh, and I changed your {{done}} templates to {{done-t}} templates because uh, that's what it says in the "How to respond to a request" section above. What a pro (talk, contribs) is on fire. 02:14, 3 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]