Wikipedia:Peer review/Paul Cornell (Chicago)/archive1

Paul Cornell (Chicago)

This article has been thrice rejected at WP:GAC. Critical review would be appreciated. TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 14:12, 29 May 2007 (UTC)

User:SpecialWindler

Some quick pointers

• May I suggest you move the page to Paul Cornell (lawyer) rather than Chicago.  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 21:29, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
• You need a space between the two dates and the dash (have 2002 - 2005 rather than 2002-2005)
  • according to WP:DASH that is not the majority opinion. Switched to –
    • News to me, thanks for alerting me SpecialWindler 10:11, 7 June 2007 (UTC)
• You have stubby section, consider merging them with others. Otherwise expand them. Sections include
  • Background
  • Hyde Park Hotel
  • Grand Crossing
  • Chatham
  • Oak Woods Cementary
  • Other ventures
  • Family
  • Memorials
  • Other references  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 16:58, 5 June 2007 (UTC)
• Maybe add a external links section.
  • Unsure what you want to see there. The notes cover almost everything. TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 21:19, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
    • What notes???
• Maybe the prose needs to be better,
  • See WP:COPYEDIT
    • not my strong suit. Would appreciate assistance. I read the page and then my article with no feeling of need for editing. TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 21:39, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
    • Add {{copyedit}} to top of article.
• Category's need to be in alphebetic order (numbers then letters)  DoneTonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 20:48, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
• Avoid red links, just leave them without a link  Done (decided to leave 2) TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 20:51, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
• Sort the section "Civic Leadership" into paragraphs instead of one big jab of information.  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 21:15, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
• Do you have a source for his birth and death days.  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 20:48, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

Thats a quick review. SpecialWindler 06:59, 30 May 2007 (UTC)

Jayron32's Review

Honestly, had I reviewed this for GAC, I would have easily passed it. I see nothing to give me pause as a good article. It meets WP:WIAGA criteria well. That having been said, it is far from perfect:

• There are too many stubby, one-sentance sections. Consider expansion or collapsing. The Later ventures section suffers from this quite a bit.  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 16:58, 5 June 2007 (UTC)
• The Hyde Park section is jumpy and choppy in places, for example, the paragraph beginning "He planned and advocated a..." seems out of place. Doesn't this information belong more towards the start of the section? There are other issues with flow here that make this section less than briliant on the FA scale.
• The Family section needs some cleanup. Also, why is this not part of the background section.  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 16:58, 5 June 2007 (UTC)
• The memorials section seems a bit incomplete. You have a picture of one that isn't even listed.
• As a whole, the article could stand for a better organization scheme, such as maybe:  Done TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 16:58, 5 June 2007 (UTC)
  • Personal life
    • Early life and ancestry
    • Marriage and family
  • Professional life
    • Lawyer
    • Founder of Hyde Park
    • Civic leadership
    • Other ventures
  • Memorials

Just some general ideas to improve the article. As I said, I most likely, had I reviewed this, would have passed it as a GA. Still has lots of room for improvement though. --Jayron32|talk|contribs 04:52, 5 June 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for taking another look. I think in general I am suffering from lack of info. With the latest changes I will take another shot at WP:GAC. TonyTheTiger (talk/cont/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 17:01, 5 June 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• See if possible if there is a free use image that can go on the top right corner of this article.^[?]
• If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 15 foot, use 15 foot, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 15 foot.^[?]
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:26, 19 June 2007 (UTC)