Wikipedia:Peer review/Paul Brown/archive1

Paul Brown

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I'd like some advice on improving the article for a possible FA nomination. There are a few areas where I think there's room for improvement and closer scrutiny:

My biggest concern is neutrality. Brown was quite a controversial figure, and I want to ensure that the article casts him in a neutral light. My general feeling is that the article is too positive; I'd appreciate suggestions on where the article feels unbalanced, so perhaps I can make the necessary amendments and adjustments.
A commenter on the talk page has argued that it's important to delve deeper into Brown's attitude toward race. Is this necessary? Should there be a separate section or subsection on Brown and race or on Brown and his relationship with Jim Brown?
Any other criticisms and suggestions for improvement of language and organization would be much appreciated.

Thanks, Batard0 (talk) 13:09, 13 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Well, I'll get the ball rolling here. The first thing I noticed is the quote from Bill Walsh in the intro, that's a neutrality issue for me. Maybe it can be moved somewhere, but no section is really jumping out at me, so maybe not.
- Removed, at least for now. It's not really necessary, I think. --Batard0 (talk) 07:44, 28 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The last section of the lead needs a source...and should probably be moved to a new "criticism" section.
- I added a section on criticisms and his legacy -- I hope this helps balance it out a bit. I also put some citations on the last section of the lead. I couldn't find any strong critiques of his approach to race in the sources, so I'm leaving that one until I can find something. --Batard0 (talk) 06:38, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The factual information in the coaching career section is terrific, though the Cleveland Browns section is kind of long.
- I split this bit into a couple of sections -- It's still long, I know. I could break it up further into three sections by adding one covering Brown's later career with the Browns, if you think that makes sense. --Batard0 (talk) 07:44, 28 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I now have broken this up into an additional section and rearranged things slightly. I hope this is organized better, but let me know if not and I can make further changes. --Batard0 (talk) 08:03, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Perhaps some additional sources not from the Cantor book would be helpful, but that's relatively minor.
- Cantor's is the only biography of Brown that I'm aware of, so I'm using it pretty heavily. I generally tried to avoid using it where other reliable sources were available, but I'll try to find new sources for more of it if you think it'd be helpful. We certainly don't want to be relying too much on a single source here. I introduced a few more sources when I added the criticisms and legacy section. Perhaps that will help a bit. --Batard0 (talk) 07:09, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think his opinion on race is that important, maybe a mention of it, but I don't think it's pivotal.
- There's a good amount of material in there already about his attitudes toward race, i.e. it didn't really matter to him one way or the other. I could add more if you think it'd be helpful. Perhaps I could add a section on criticisms and include people's critiques about his attitudes toward race. Might fit in there well. --Batard0 (talk) 07:44, 28 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Those are my initial thoughts, feel free to discuss them right here on this page or on the article talk page. Go Phightins! (talk) 23:30, 27 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for all the help on this. I do appreciate it. I also substituted a public domain image as the main image in the article. --Batard0 (talk) 08:13, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]