Wikipedia:Peer review/PNC Park/archive1

PNC Park

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have written this article from scratch and would it article to become a FA, comments on anything that will help it reach that goal are welcome. Thank you. Blackngold29 02:01, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments from NatureBoyMD

Here are a few things that I noticed:

• You may need to removed the Pittsburgh flag per Wikipedia:MOSFLAG.
• You souldn't link to stand-alone years like 1998 at the end of the first paragraph in the lead. Of course, linking to years in baseball that are by themselves is OK.
• Don't forget to link day and month combinations and full day/month/years like in the panoramic photo.
• MOS:CONVERSIONS says that conversions should be provided for units of mesasurement. Sure, the conversions are already provided in the infobox, but it wouldn't hurt to provide them again.
• I can't find it, but I remember reading before that primary units of measurement should be linked in their first instances. (e. g. "410 feet / 125 m").

Well, there are some small things that can get you started. Good luck with you drive to FA status. -NatureBoyMD (talk) 02:47, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks. Are the lengths OK like they are? "10 feet (4 m)" Everything else is fixed. Blackngold29 03:10, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Yea, it looks right to me. -NatureBoyMD (talk)

Comments from Killervogel5

Lead

• "The park features seating close to the playing surface, the batter is closer to the seats behind home plate than to the pitcher." - a run-on sentence, the comma should be a semi-colon.
• "The ballpark was built in the style of classic stadiums, such as Fenway Park; while introducing new features, such as the use of limestone." - there are an independent clause and a dependent clause separated by a semicolon; that one should be a comma.
• There's no consistency throughout the article about whether the north side of Pittsburgh is spelled "Northside," "northside," "North side," "North Side," "north side." You should pick one spelling (preferably the one used in the north side (Pittsburgh) article) and use that throughout.

Opening and reception

• Maybe link Pre-season?
• "The first pitch was thrown from Todd Ritchie–a ball–to Barry Larkin." The en-dashes should be spaced or replaced with em-dashes.
• ..."however, later in the inning Jason Kendall singled–the first hit by a Pirate." Same as above; it's an interruption, so it requires a larger stop, per WP:DASH.
• "Caple compared the park to Fallingwater..." - perhaps you should say Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater, because his name is almost universally identified with Fallingwater, but I wouldn't remember Fallingwater by name without looking at the article.
• Jason Kendall is linked twice in quick succession in this section.
• "Former Pirates catcher Jason Kendall called PNC Park, 'the most beautiful ballpark in the game'." - remove the comma.

Alterations

• "In 2007, Allegheny County passed a ban on smoking in most public places, including PNC Park; thus making PNC Park a completely smoke-free facility." - again, semicolon separating an ind. clause and a dep. clause. For this one, I would consider rewording the dependent clause to be a sentence and keeping the semicolon, i.e., "this made PNC Park a completely smoke-free facility."
• "The Pirates plan to feature bands in The Hall of Fame Club after the completion of select games; the first band to perform was Joe Grushecky and the Houserockers." - the tense does not agree. "Plan to feature" implies the future, "the first band to perform was" implies the past. The first should be changed.

Review by KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 13:55, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Funny you mention Fallingwater, I was just there three days ago. I think I got everything, though there's probably another "Northside" that I forgot. Thanks. Blackngold29 18:39, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Actually, you got them all except the one in quotations, and that one should stay since it is a direct quote. Great job!! KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 19:30, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Hit bull, win steak

• It'd be nice to see discussion of some of the ballpark's monuments (the statues of Wagner, Clemente, Stargell, Kiner's hands, and the Negro League players, etc.). Maybe also the Great Pierogi Race.
  • I just added the Statues section. Wow, that was one of the most enjoyable sections out of the whole article. It's funny how I walk past them every game I go to, but I never really knew too about them; especially the Wagner one. I know hardly anything about Kiner's hands, except that they're out there in left field. Hopefully I'll get some time to throw in a few sentence about them too.
    • Rather than post the copyediting comments, I just went ahead and fixed them... in the pursuit of perfection. KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on!
      • Awesome! Thanks
• The statement that it's "hailed as one of the best ballparks in the country" should be cited.
  • It was hailed as such by multiple people, usually the lead doesn't need cited for things later sourced; does it?
• It would be nice to see further expansion of the section on non-baseball events, such as concerts.
  • I added info about evacuation drills that the park has hosted in the past, in all my reasearch I never came accross this; but when a random article popped up on a Google seach, I went with it. I could've sworn that they showed a few movies there, I looked for a half hour for articles about it since I couldn't remember the details, but came up empty.

-Hit bull, win steak^(Moo!) 20:13, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Good suggestions. I think I got everything, is that enough? Blackngold29 04:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm fully satisfied. Fantastic work! KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 21:19, 4 August 2008 (UTC)