Wikipedia:Peer review/OS X Mountain Lion/archive1

OS X Mountain Lion

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to get it to GA status, and possibly FA status.

Thanks, Zach Vega (talk to me) 01:49, 25 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jesse V.

Thanks for your efforts! Here are some of my thoughts:

The citation following "OS X Mountain Lion" in the lead and in the infobox seems out of place. Consider stating the name later in the lead or in the article there, and put the citation there. You can leave your in-line hidden comments though.
The lead could do with expansion. Many GA-class and especially FA-class articles have three fully-fledged paragraphs. The lead here ends with a sentence all by itself, which can make reading choppy.
I don't think "1/2" should be used in the "albeit gaining back only 1/2" line. Consider using the word "half".
IMO, the last two sections of the History sections could be expanded. Fully paragraphs usually involve around five sentences.
The "System Requirements" and "New and changed features" sections should be converted to use prose instead of list-style.

• Jesse V.^(talk) 23:07, 28 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done and submitted to GAN. Zach Vega (talk to me) 00:54, 2 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Much better, thanks! • Jesse V.^(talk) 03:19, 2 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]