Wikipedia:Peer review/Naucratis/archive1

Naucratis

Please take a look. I'd like feedback on the design & execution of the entire article. Thanks, Alcmaeonid 19:04, 1 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Interesting topic because of the cultural boundaries between Egyptians and Greeks during the time this city was flourishing. Reading the article I get the impression that it is just a summary of all the available information. For example, it tells us what Herodotus said, then what Petrie found, etc. This doesn't make for the strongest article. An article should summarize information, yes, but it needs to have a structure dictated by the need to explain the subject, not by how the information was acquired. So what does this mean? It means: tell us the history of the city in all its aspects. Don't just summarize Herodotus. Then tell us about its geography, its demographics, its economy, its legacy. Don't let the archaeological excavations dictate the layout, let the prose call upon the archaeological evidence for support. Some more specifics:

We don't need a background section, the whole article is supposed to be background.
"Archaeological evidence suggests..." This is a weasel word, instead of telling us that "Archaeological evidence" say what evidence. Pottery shards? Ostraca? Papyrus documents?
"...its two great river civilizations of Mesopotamia and the Nile." Mesopotamia is a region, the Nile is a river. How about "...civilizations of Mesopotamia and Egypt"
"...treaty-port..." what is a treaty-port? Avoid jargon.
"...45 mi (72 km) SE of the open sea and the later capital of Ptolemaic Egypt, Alexandria." this sentence is self conflicting, either Alexandria was the later capital or Naukratis was the later capital.
How about trying a different map...I can easily modify mine to show a close-up of the region and important cities during this period of history, let me know if/what you need.

It needs a rewrite from a different perspective, and some expansion with more material. Seems to focus too much on archaeological details/process rather than on the interesting things going on at the site, where Greeks were living in tenuous(?) contact with Egyptians. Jeff Dahl 05:13, 3 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 03:33, 5 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]