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List of Popotan characters

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I need someone to do a copy edit and general check before submitting this for a FLC since my last FLC failed mostly due to copyediting. Thanks, じんない 00:53, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]


Brief comments by Ink Runner (talk · contribs)

  • Some of the references appear to be of questionable reliability. I think Anime News Network is reliable, but what makes Mania: Beyond Entertainment or Absolute Anime reliable? Remember, they should be judged against the criteria at WP:Reliable sources.
  • There are informal/slang terms such as "heart of gold" and "blow a fuse". Also, I noticed some contractions. Unless part of a quote, they should not be used.
  • The first image's caption says that all of the notable characters are in it; what purpose do the other three serve then? Inclusion of so many fair-use images may violate WP policy.
    • First, the second depicts the primary protagonist for the anime and main supporting characters for the VN since the quality is hard to see (due to having to lower the quality for fair-use). The third dipicts a visually the hierarchy of the antagonist/1 protagonist. It is a more in-universe depiction than the rest, but to describe it, which would have to be done in order to understand the complex relationship or the narrative to the average reader, a visual represenatation is far better. The middle character is the most important and the other 2 are lesser. The one on the right is higher up slightly than the one on the left showing a slightly more senior pisition and importance. Finally the last one is needed because he is a protagonist for the game, of which otherwise there is no representation of.じんない 05:50, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I can give the prose a look, but I think the referencing issue should be addressed first.

More detailed review
I don't want to clutter up the page with issues, so I'll just do the copyedit myself. There are, however, a few more issues.

Prose issues

  • "Early on in the series she makes friends with a classmate of hers, Konami. When it was time for Mai to leave, Konami helped convince her that she was wrong and in consolation Mai left a sketch portrait Konami they were to make for a class assignment for Konami as a departing gift stating that they will remain friends forever" Who left whom a portrait? It's kind of unclear here.
  • "Mai ultimately gave up and failed" Failed how?
    • failed at showing Konami's daughter that her way of introverted thinking was wrong. Although that's probably not right either since while she personally fails, Konami's daughter, Mai, does come around on her own accord after the middle sister, Mai, leaves.じんない 08:39, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She also tries to take the initiative with Chris early on" Take the initiative how?


I'll wait till you get back before editing any text in regard to the statements I did not comment on.じんない 08:21, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Yuri/lesbian - I disagree with that change. Lesbian is a noun and is much more clearly defined to be girls who like girls. I specifically chose yuri because it is a noun or a verb used to describe the action.じんない 01:47, 6 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You're right, lesbian refers to an orientation; if Mii just did it to shock/whatever, then maybe "lesbian" could be substituted with "same-sex" or just dropped altogether, but WP's Manual of Style for Japanese-related articles encourages English terms to be used instead of foreign terms as much as possible (for example, "television drama" instead of "dorama"), and "yuri" refers to a genre of manga rather than a classification of a sexual act. Ink Runner (talk) 03:47, 6 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
same-sex doesn't sound right so drop it altogether I'd say. Since Mea is on the list, the reader should be able to connect the two together.じんない 04:10, 6 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Does "Ai revealed to the viewers" mean that she broke the fourth wall or what? Ink Runner (talk) 06:51, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
No. This is completely within narrative, but the only person nearby is Mai who already knows this.じんない 07:07, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Also, I'm not too familiar with visual novels, so what does "to varying degrees depending upon whether it's her scenario or not" mean? Ink Runner (talk) 06:56, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
You have certain paths or tracks you follow somewhat losesly. Kind of like the Choose Your Own Adventure Books, but with graphics, sound effects and heavier plot.じんない 07:07, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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