Wikipedia:Peer review/Katherine van der Kerckhove, Countess of Chesterfield/archive1
I've been working on this for a few weeks now and guess I'd appreciate any feedback for it =) Any suggestions on how to get it to go up the BIO scale or possibly to a GA (don't think it'd make a FA in the near future). Thanks, Craigy (talk) 18:38, 28 June 2007 (UTC)
First, this is defintely a B-class article, and, since I am a member of Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography, I changed the ranking for you. To get to GA class or above you have 2 main problems to address. The primary problem is the lack of inline citations. You will need to cite each fact, and it would be better if not all of your sources come from one citation. You will not reach GA status without those. Also, your prose could use a little work. There are a lot of very long, clunky sentences that are hard to read. Here are some other suggestions.
- You don't need Mary Throckmorton's death date in the article, nor do you need née
- After the "Born Katherine Wotton," do not refer to her by her first name. See WP:MOSBIO.
- I would take the information about the money out of parentheses and make it a separate sentence.
- Make sure that the article consistently uses a formal tone. "and, incidentally" is not formal.
- The paragraph about her first marriage seems short on details about her marriage and is instead a conglomeration of other facts. You should expand on her marriage if possible, at the very least mentioning the names of all of her children. Do you know where she lived with her husband (since you mention where she lived after his death)? Once you have a good paragraph on her marriage, work on the transitions between the facts that are currently in that paragraph.
- "with instructions of a marriage" -> with instruction to arrange a marriage? witness a marriage? Please be more specific.
- You'll need to remove any red links
- "the convinced Lady Stanhope" does not sound right
- How old was Mary when Lady Stanhope became the governess?
- The sentence about her appointment not being accepted is too long an unwieldy. It should probably be split into 2 sentences.
- check for spelling errors; "consummated" has 2 ms
- The word "soon" is a little overused in the article
- "A week after her husband's short reign of just over three years in 1650, " This needs to be rewritten to be more straightforward.
- The information about her stepdaughter seems out of place where it is located.
- There is an overuse of parentheses as well. A lot of this information should be integrated more cleanly into the text.
- Do you know what the serious accusation was?
- When did Sir edward Nicholas return to the Low Countries? Please include a date, if possible.
- citations should be placed after punctuation instead of in the middle of sentences.
Good luck! Karanacs 01:41, 29 June 2007 (UTC)