Wikipedia:Peer review/Kal Ho Naa Ho/archive2

Kal Ho Naa Ho

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've opened up a peer review for this article again to get it to FAC (Last time I was unable to do so due to the demise of a close relation of mine). This article is about Kal Ho Naa Ho, a 2003 Indian Hindi film starring Jaya Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Saif Ali Khan and Preity Zinta. The film is known for its story, screenplay, dialogues, performances and music. A special note of thanks to Bollyjeff for reviewing the GAN. Constructive comments to improve the article are most welcome. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 12:35, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dwaipayanc

"The film features Jaya Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Saif Ali Khan, and Preity Zinta as the lead characters...". Shouldn't the name pf Jaya Bachchan come last in this list in the lead? Should be like SRK, SAK, PZ and JB.

It is as per the opening credits. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 18:16, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"The German Embassy in India paid homage to the film by releasing an eight-minute video, Lebe jetzt." Seems trivial for lead.--Dwaipayan (talk) 16:52, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Removed. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 18:16, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"She wore jeans and T-shirts to convey the impression of an NRI" Didn't check the source but sounds quite funny/absurd. If it's in the source, probably should be quoted as-is.

I've removed the sentence as it is a little too trivial anyway. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 18:16, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

In the lead (and perhaps later), the genre of the film -- shouldn't it be romantic Melodrama?--Dwaipayan (talk) 17:12, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done. As asked, Dwaipayanc. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 18:16, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Kailash

Please try and comply with WP:LEADCITE.
Introduce Nikkhil Advani with his full name linked somewhere under the "Origin" section.
and began working on the script for Kal Ho Naa Ho - we know it was initially titled Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna and later renamed, so you may write something like and began working on the script for the film that would later be titled Kal Ho Naa Ho (I got this phrase style from DDLJ where it is written, "For three years, he worked on the story that would become Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge".)
"Second fiddle" sounds informal. You may keep it within quote marks.
While Johar told Lata Khubchandani of Rediff.com that he stayed in New York City for one-and-a-half months,[ref] he contradicted himself in his autobiography An Unsuitable Boy, where he said that he stayed there for three months.[ref] - the phrasing is good, but you may say when the events happened; like "Johar told Rediff in 2003", and "he wrote in his 2017 autobiography".
Template:Cite web discourages the usage of the publisher field being used for websites; that's why there is the website field. The publisher field may instead be used for the website's parent company (eg: Fandango is RT's parent company). I hope you have the "find and replace" option under "advanced" like I do. Kailash29792 (talk) 04:06, 9 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done for all of them. As asked. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 09:40, 10 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That'll be all from me for now. Any further comments will be made by me during the FAC. Kailash29792 (talk) 09:51, 10 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Wehwalt

Good to see you back and writing.

"since he does not wish to bring her the pain of his death by reciprocating her feelings." I might do something like "since he fears she will grieve for him if they fall in love" or similar. Be more direct, in any case.

I've tweaked it but retained "reciprocate her feelings" because "fall in love" appears twice in the same sentence (Case of repetition).

" Lajjo is indifferent to Jennifer and Gia as she believes that Gia's adoption led her son (Jennifer's husband) to commit suicide." that doesn't sound indifferent to me. Sounds hostile.

Done. Changed to "hostile".

"he used the former title for his 2006 film.[15]" I might change "his" to "a"

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna was written and directed by Johar himself, so it kind of makes sense to say "his" there instead of "a".

"Johar agreed since he preferred not to direct the film to avoid previous mistakes.[18][19] " You cannot avoid previous mistakes. Possibly you can avoid repeating them.

Done. Tweaked as asked.

"Johar wanted Bachchan to wear trousers," Should this be "Bachchan" or "Naina"?

Bachchan. This is so because in most of her films, she usually appears in traditional Indian fashion. Since this is set in the suburbs, Johar felt a more modern look would befit her.

"The 80-person production unit then moved to New York City for the next schedule in July 2003, with Shah Rukh Khan joining them.[21][39]" schedule?

Done. Changed it to "additional filming".

"Unlike many previous Bollywood films,[64] Johar complied with international copyright laws and obtained permission to rework Roy Orbison's 1964 song "Oh, Pretty Woman" for the film; the revised song was entitled "Pretty Woman".[11]" Since Johar is not a Bollywood film (as the parallel in the sentence might suggest), I would add "in" before "many".

Done. As asked.

The pipe under "German Bakery" to the bombing strikes me as difficult per WP:EASTEREGG. Also "Lebe Jetzt". There may be more.

Done. According to WP:EASTEREGG (didn't know about that lol). As far as I checked, there doesn't seem to be anything more similar to the two you've mentioned.

"It was the third-highest-selling album of the year in India, with sales of over 2.3 million copies.[71]" I would cut the last word.

Done. As asked.

More soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:24, 13 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your comments, Wehwalt. I've done my best to address them. Do let me know if there's anything else you'd like to add. Thank you. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 13:50, 15 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"It was referenced in 2015 by the German Embassy in India," what does this have to do with the release of the film a dozen years earlier?

Done. Tweaked and moved to the "Music" section as it fits better there.

"By the end of its first week, the film grossed ₹84.64 million ($1.8 million in 2003), the year's highest overseas first-week gross for an Indian film.[100] A month after its release, Kal Ho Naa Ho earned about ₹180 million (US$3.9 millionin 2003) in the UK and US,[92] " "had grossed" in first sentence. The second, I would start "In the first month after its release ..."

Done. As asked.

The word "earned" or a variation thereof occurs eight times in the "Box Office" section. Suggest some variety.

Done. As asked.

That's all I've got. Looks good. Sorry I missed the earlier peer review.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:58, 15 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again, Wehwalt. Its alright if you didn't get by the earlier peer review, and I did withdraw my FAC (the reason for which I stated above at the start of this PR). I've done my best to address the remaining comments. Do let me know if there's anything else you'd like to add. Thank you. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 11:07, 16 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Krimuk

Quite good.

I'm not sure if "romantic melodrama" is the correct genre, as almost all Bollywood films at that time were melodramas.
"The film has several themes, including the depiction of non-resident Indians and homosexuality.". I don't think "homosexuality" is a theme in it, per se, as there are no homosexual characters, so it seems a bit misleading. The body talks about "homosexual innuendo" and the "bond between the two male leads and were necessary to establish a normative heterosexual relationship", plus there is some mention of treating it "with a dash of humor", so maybe try saying something along those lines?
The "Thematic analysis" section has a few more themes that can be summarised in the lead. Krimuk2.0 (talk) 08:09, 21 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I've made a few changes, Krimuk2.0. Do let me know if there's any more comments you would like to add. Thank you. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 09:30, 21 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Aoba47

Please provide ALT text for the infobox image (i.e. the movie poster).

Done. As asked.

Why is there a reference for the first sentence of the lead? That information should be included and cited in the body of the article so I do not see a particular need for it. It does not seem like controversial information to me that would require a citation.

Most fellow editors questioned/might question the genre of the film. To confirm that it is indeed a romantic comedy-drama, I've added the reference there. Also, the reference(s) provide the correct translation of the film's title as well.

Thank you for the clarification, and that makes perfect sense to me. I completely forgot about the translation and I have seen debates about genre in the past so it is best to have a reference to make it clear how that is supported. Aoba47 (talk) 17:34, 24 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The following phrase (a terminally-ill heart patient) sounds strange to me. I have never heard of a patient being referred to by their organ in that manner. For example, I have not heard of a person dying of lung cancer be referred to as a terminally-ill lung patient. I would just cut "heart" from that part. This comment applies to the lead and the "Plot" section.

Done. As asked.

I have a question for when you mention this in the "Plot" section. Does the film specify what kind of heart condition he has or is left vague? If so, I would clarify this here (not in the lead though), and if not, then I keep the part about him dying of a heart condition, but with different wording.

It is left vaguely that he has a heart condition. As for the wording, what do you suggest I can write, Aoba47?

You could keep the current wording (but has decided to hide it because he is a terminally-ill patient) in the "Plot" section. If the heart condition is not specified further, I am not sure it is entirely necessary for a reader's understanding. However, if you want to add that information in, then maybe something like the following would be helpful (but has decided to hide it because he is dying from a heart condition) or something similar. It is always frustrating when a movie or a television show just has a character with a generic/unspecified life-threatening illness lol. Aoba47 (talk) 17:32, 24 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done. As suggested, Aoba47.

I do not believe a wikilink for "New York City" or "cafe" are necessary as I believe an average reader understands both terms.

Done. As asked.

I would combine the two paragraphs in the "Costume design" subsection as they are both rather short and do not individually have separate topics that would necessitate separation.

Done. As asked.

Make sure that references are in numeric order. For instance, the references for the following sentences (Principal photography began on 20 January 2003 in Mumbai.) and ( The final scenes, which included some songs, were filmed at the Filmistan Studios in Mumbai over about fifty days beginning in August 2003.) are out of order.

Done. As asked.

Otherwise great work with the article. I honestly should watch Indian films in the future (I have not even seen one surprisingly enough). I hope these comments help. Aoba47 (talk) 16:00, 24 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for addressing everything and good luck with the future FAC for it. Aoba47 (talk) 17:34, 24 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much, Aoba47. Your thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 09:43, 25 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Yashthepunisher

Is this film really known with its abbr. KHNH? I don't think so. Unlike DDLJ or LSD, Kal Ho Naa Ho is mentioned with its full nomenclature.
I think Rediff.com and NDTV shouldn't be in italics. They are websites and not magazine/newspaper.

Yashthepunisher (talk) 08:31, 2 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The website field, by default, italicises the inserted value. In fact, whether news sites should be italicised or not was discussed here. Kailash29792 (talk) 09:01, 2 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I second Kailash's response on italicising Rediff and NDYV. I've left a response on your talk page regarding your first comment on the abbreviation. Do have a look at it and get back to me on it. Thanks. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 07:51, 3 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you

A note of thanks to all who posted their comments at the PR. Thank you everyone for your reviews and contributions to the article. I will now nominate it for FA. — Ssven2 ^{Looking at you, kid} 15:01, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]