Wikipedia:Peer review/John Brooke-Little/archive1

John Brooke-Little

John Brooke-Little was one of the great officers of arms of the 20th century. He was the founder of The Heraldry Society and served as an officer of arms for almost half a century. With his recent passing, the world of heraldry has lost someone very important. I think that improvement of his biography would be a great way to expose the wikipedia world to heraldry.--Evadb 10:08, 23 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Probably another candidate for Requests for expansion, but some points:

What was his cause of death?

Some copyediting is needed. Too many sentences are of the form "He did xyz", and several paragraphs are one or two sentences long.

As someone who is unfamiliar with heraldry, I found parts of the article fairly impenetrable. More explanation of the significance of the positions he held would be helpful.--Oldelpaso 18:16, 23 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've added a bit to the heraldic career section. I hope that this addressed some of your concerns. I'll see if there is anything I can find to help flesh out the other sections. Thanks for the input.--Evadb 07:48, 24 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Since his death was recent, like brought up by Oldelpaso, the reason for his death should be provided. The part of the sentence "such time as the Sovereign chose formally to abolish the position of Ulster King of Arms or specifically to declare otherwise" reads rather awkwardly. I don't see the reason why there is a list under "Honours and appointments", since the rest of the section is in prose. Thanks, AndyZ _t 21:27, 23 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Good points all. Thanks.--Evadb 21:46, 23 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've added a bit more information and cleaned up some parts. I also added a section on the Heraldry Society and the White Lion Society. Hopefully, these will be fleshed out as I find more information (now where did I put those old copies of "The Coat of Arms?" Thanks for the continued help. Any other suggestions?--Evadb 10:28, 24 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

It is looking quite good, but most of the article is based on the recent obits. Are there any other sources (biographies? biographical articles?) that could be added? You may also get some opposition on FAC as a result of the lack of "inline" references (either in Harvard citation style or using the new "<ref>" format - see WP:CITE and m:cite.php. -- ALoan (Talk) 09:27, 26 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Glad that it's looking better. I'd love to add some of the inline references. I'm not sure what the correct formatting is, though. Where might I find that? Perhaps someone could go through and suggest which parts need citations and I can add them. Also, I've got some other sources of material, but they are not on the same continent as I am right now. Hopefully, I'll be able to add some more information from them when I get my hands on them again. Thanks for the note.--Evadb 18:24, 26 March 2006 (UTC)[reply]