Wikipedia:Peer review/Joey Hamilton/archive4

Joey Hamilton

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it's been a good article for just under a year now and has been through two FACs, numerous reviews and copyedits as well as 3 peer reviews in that time span. I think a final peer review (please be picky) could finally make this article a featured article.

Thanks, Giants 27(Contribs|WP:CFL) 03:14, 20 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Monowi:

If you're aiming for a Featured Article, right off the bat I'd suggest looking at Nick Adenhart's article for a good comparison of what Hamilton's article would generally look like if it was Featured Article material.
Big gaps in Hamilton's early life need to filled in a bit. For example, maybe there's a reference out there somewhere that talks about how he played little league baseball, or if he played any other sports as a kid.
The current references are clearly utilized and well formatted, kudos on that.
With only three sentences currently in the “After baseball” section, that info needs to be merged with other text, and the section (temporarily) removed. If a solid two paragraphs of pertinent info can be established (like mention of a spouse and/or kids, and what he's done since 2005 (like become a coach, or change careers, etc.)), then I could see a dedicated “after baseball” section becoming justifiable.
- Removed.--Giants 27(Contribs|WP:CFL) 19:02, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Reading over the L.A. Times reference “Padres pick up a pitcher,” Hamilton says in the article that he played in the College World Series. This would be a great thing to mention in the article, especially if he had any notable playing time and any significant stats that could be included from the series.
Some of the sentences and paragraphs seem a bit too short and choppy. For example, why not combine the single sentence “He attended Statesboro High School.” with the next sentence, into something like. “He attended Statesboro High School before the Baltimore Orioles drafted him in the 1988 Major League Baseball Draft. Hamilton decided against signing with the Orioles,[2] opting instead to play college baseball for Georgia Southern University.[3]” Some of the info in the “After San Diego” section is just hanging there as well, like the sentence “For the first time during his tenure with Toronto, Hamilton started the season with the Blue Jays. He went 5–8 with a 5.89 ERA in 22 games and 1221⁄3 innings, before being released on August 3, 2001.[27] “ My suggestion would be to simply remove the paragraph spacing and combine it into a new larger paragraph with the sentences surrounding it.
For continuity, mention of his records in college need to be moved up in the text prior to mention of contract negotiations with the Padres.
- Done.--Giants 27(Contribs|WP:CFL) 19:02, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Since there aren't currently any free use pictures available, a great way to draw the interest of the reader and engage their attention would be to include quote boxes Template:Quote box. You can either repeat some of the quotes already in the text, or even use a quote box or two to help elaborate on Hamilton's career (a quote box right before the third paragraph of the "Padres" section would be sweet). For an example of quote box use in a baseball-related article, check out Ozzie Smith.
- Done.--Giants 27(Contribs|WP:CFL) 19:02, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Summation: This article still has a long way to go, but with hard work on prose, and maybe adding some additional info, this article would be on the right track towards FA status. Cheers, Monowi (talk) 23:17, 22 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I'll make sure to work on addressing your concerns but I'm not sure if you've seen the previous PR's but there's not many sources out there for Hamilton. This could've changed since then but what's out there has pretty much been included in the article. However, I'll make sure to check for some earlier information about his childhood etc. Cheers,--Giants 27(Contribs|WP:CFL) 23:26, 22 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This article is getting there on its road to FAC. The foundation is definitely there, as it's a GA, but there are pieces and parts that can be built on yet. For example, you say he was drafted by Baltimore in 1988; which round? You have one sentence for each of his seasons in Toronto. what was his role on those teams, how many games did he play those seasons? Little things like that can be the difference maker; I'll do a more thorough review later on. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:43, 8 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]