Wikipedia:Peer review/Gravity (Our Lady Peace album)/archive1

Gravity (Our Lady Peace album)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I would like this article to try to reach for Good Article Status, but I'm not sure it's the best it can be. Please make suggestions, grammar, wording, cohesion. etc...

Thanks, Publichall (talk) 00:05, 4 October 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I note that you wish to nominate this for GA. I've looked at a selection of album articles that are already GA and I would say this is not hopelessly distant from that standard, although a fair bit of work is still required. Here are some points for your attention:-

• Lead
  • I've noticed that most album articles, in the first sentence of the lead, give brief identifing details for the band, e.g. "British post-punk", "Chicago-based rock band", etc. I suggest that you do the same.
  • Lead, first paragraph: "The album became a worldwide success, topping charts both in Canada and the U.S. with the hit singles 'Somewhere Out There' and 'Innocent'." Unclear: did the album itself top the charts, or was it the individual songs that did this independently?
  • "This was their first album to feature their current guitarist, Steve Mazur..." You should delete "their current" (who knows how long he will be this?), and I suggest you begin the sentence: "Gravity was the group's first album to feature guitarist..." etc
  • "December 2001", not "December of 2001"
  • The word "respectively" in the final lead sentence is unnecessary.
• Background
  • Spiritual Machines and Raine Maida (first mention) need links
  • "Rather than forcing Mike to change, they mutually decided to part ways." I don't think "forcing" is the right word - how could they "force" him to change?
  • The quote in the second paragraph is too long. Use a brief verbatim extract and paraphrase the rest.
  • Maui needs to be linked at first mention, and there should be some context given How come they were in Maui?
• Recording
  • "seeked"?? I think "sought"
  • Link Bob Rock at first mention
  • Why is the quotation in italics?
  • "Spiritual Machines" should be italicised
  • Duncan Coutts should be linked. Is he a band member? If so, say so
  • Explain that "Made of Steel" and "Do You Like It" are song titles from the album
  • "wasn't" is somewhat informal; should be written as "was not"
  • "lo and behold" should be enclosed in ndashes, not hyphens
  • Link Jeremy Taggart on first mention, and say who he is.
• Release and reception
  • Small "r" for reception in title
  • The section begins "Despite this success..." The nature of this success needs to be summarised (chart positions, sales, awards etc)
  • "Vocalist Raine Maida's signature falsetto is scarce on the album, with his overall tone changing as well." This statement should be cited, and should probably lose the "as well"
  • Single sentence paragraphs should be avoided. The second paragraph of this section is too inconsequential to deserve a mention, and I would get rid of it.
• Track Listing: could be tidier - equalise distances between columns (wikitable?)
• Bonus DVD: what is this, not mentioned in text?
• Release history: Untidy table - information is not properly aligned
• References: many are not properly formatted, lacking access dates and other information.

I hope these comments are helpful I am not watching peer reviews at the moment, so if you want clarifacion on any of these points, or want me to look again, please leave a note on my talk page. Brianboulton (talk) 23:23, 12 October 2009 (UTC)