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Wikipedia:Peer review/Drizzt Do'Urden/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to take this to FAC and I want to be as close as possible to passing when I get there.

Thanks, Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 20:39, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks - I addressed those items. If there are any human reviewers able to give a more thorough review, it would be much appreciated as we are hoping to take this to FAC. :) BOZ (talk) 16:06, 25 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: Here are a few suggestions, mainly about relatively small prose issues:

Lead

  • "A number of the novels" - Give the specific number, if possible.
  • "featured in some" - Delete "some".

Concept and creation

  • "Salvatore uses Drizzt to represent issues of racial prejudice... " - Suggestion: "present" or "introduce" rather than "represent".
  • "Drizzt is concerned that if he and his love Cattie-Brie (a human) have children, their offspring would face hostility from both races" - "will" rather than "would"
  • "managing editor of TSR's book department" - Spell out with abbreviation in parentheses on first use, like this: Tactical Studies Rules (TSR).
  • "under pressure to create a sidekick" - Wikilink sidekick.
  • "Although many readers have assumed that Drizzt is based on one of the many Dungeons & Dragons role-playing campaigns that the author has played, this is not the case." - Needs a verifiable source. How is it known what "many readers have assumed"?
  • "role-playing campaigns that the author has played" - Repetition of "play". Maybe something like "from the author's on-line role-playing experience" would be better.
  • I think the paragraph starting "Salvatore created Drizzt on a whim" includes unnecessary detail and would be better if more direct. I'd suggest revising the middle of the paragraph along these lines: "...and one day Kirchoff called him to say that they could not use one of characters. Pressed by Kirchoff to act quickly, Salvatore said he had created a Dark Elf. Kirchoff was skeptical, but Salvatore convinced her that using Drizzt Do'Urden would solve the problem."

Publication history

  • The image needs to be moved down so that it does not overlap or bump against the heading.
  • "Drizzt's story starts in the novel Homeland, the start of The Dark Elf Trilogy... " Repetition of "start". Suggestion: "... the first book of The Dark Elf Trilogy... ".
  • "The 1996 short story The Fires of Narbondel,... " - The story title should be set off in quotation marks rather than italicized.
  • "describes unrelated events where Zaknafein is the main character" - Suggestion: "describes unrelated events involving Zaknafein as the main character".
  • "artifact Crenshinibon (the eponymous Crystal Shard) - How is this eponymous? If you keep the word, I'd suggest linking to eponym.
  • "Wulfgar, never truly dead, returns to life from the Abyss as the demon who had held his soul is destroyed." - "was" rather than "is"

Reception

  • Wall Street Journal and other newspaper and magazine names should appear in italics.
  • "cliched" - Clichéd. You can always use copy-and-paste to transfer odd characters like é from elsewhere on the Internet.

Other media

  • "each book in a 3-issue mini-series" - three-issue
  • "IGN writer" - Spell out on first use: "writer for Imagine Games Network (IGN)".

If you find these comments useful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:59, 29 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. I'll make the fixes tomorrow, and probably review another article as well. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 04:08, 29 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I got a lot of the simpler ones for you. :) BOZ (talk) 13:43, 29 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]