Jump to content

Wikipedia:Peer review/Dhoby Ghaut MRT station/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Dhoby Ghaut MRT station

[edit]
Toolbox
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning to work further on this article to Featured Article. I will like any feedback or comments so that this article could be improved to be a candidate for Featured Article.

Thank you, ZKang123 (talk) 02:26, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

STANDARD NOTE: for quicker and more responses to pre-FAC peer review requests, please remember to add your PR page to Template:FAC peer review sidebar (I will do that for you next). And when you close this peer review, please be sure to remove it from there. Also consider adding the sidebar to your userpage so you can help others by participating in other pre-FAC peer reviews. Regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:02, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Z1720

[edit]

Hi ZKang123, I do not know a lot about Singapore or transit systems in general, so consider this a non-expert review. I will assess the article as if it was an FAC. Let me know if you have any questions.

Lede

  • "one of the deepest MRT station in Singapore" change to "stations"
  • "Art-in-Transit programme, in addition to two sets" Replace with "Art-in-Transit programme, with two sets"

History

  • "with the land already gazetted for acquisition in 1978." Gazetted is a new word for me: announced might be better.
  • "was used in an effort to stabilise the soil." Delete "in an effort"
  • "A fatal accident happened on 17 June that year that led to the death of an engineer as crane fell into the work shaft and on the engineer." Shorten this to, "On 17 June an engineer died after a crane fell into the work shaft and onto the engineer." See WP:REDEX for exercises for removing redundant words.
  • "not maintaining a capacity chart." What's a capacity chart?
  • There are lots of citations in the last paragraph of "North South line (NSL) station". Do we need three or four citations for a single sentence? If not, keep the best citations and remove the rest.
  • "which was eventually finalised as the North East line." Delete eventually. Also, when was this finalised?
  • "began approximately in 1996," Did it begin in 1996? If so, we don't need an approximation.
  • "had to be temporarily realigned." Any details on how it was realigned, or why?

Station details

  • "The artwork showcases the cultural richness and artistic heritage of Singapore and the region," This sounds very WP:PROMO. Be more specific on how the art reflects the heritage of the region with examples.
  • "his and his wife's artwork Interchange" In the image caption, name his wife.
  • "In addition, there are 14 additional glass" Delete in addition
  • "The dot-matrix system was used as it was flexible enough to be used across" Reword to only have "used" once in the sentence.

References

  • Make sure every ref has the publisher/news organisation listed. Eg. Ref 13, Ref 55
  • Ref 28: The Straits Times should be italisised

General comments

  • You have great information in the article. WP:REDEX will help eliminate unnecessary words from the prose. I mentioned some examples above but there were other places where this could be implemented.
  • All images need alt text. See MOS:ALT

A very interesting read. I loved the information about the public art. Please ping me if you have any questions or want me to take a second look. Z1720 (talk) 17:10, 27 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments

I will conduct my re-review as if it was an FAC.

  • "The S$51.3 million (US$24.28 million) contract for the design and construction of Dhoby Ghaut and 3 kilometres (1.9 mi) of tunnels between the Somerset and City Hall stations – Contract 106[8] – was awarded to a joint venture between French contractor Campenon-Bernard and Singapore Piling and Civil Engineering Company Limited in October 1983." This is a really long sentence, I suggest splitting it.
    • Hmm, so will the following work better? Contract 106 for the design and construction of Dhoby Ghaut NSL station[5] was awarded to a joint venture between French contractor Campenon-Bernard and Singapore Piling and Civil Engineering Company Limited.[6][7] The S$51.3 million (US$24.28 million) contract, awarded in October 1983, included the construction of 3 kilometres (1.9 mi) of tunnels between the Somerset and City Hall stations. --ZKang123 (talk) 03:07, 5 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Dhoby Ghaut was one of four stations used for Exercise Northstar V, a mock terrorist exercise held on 8 January 2006." This sentence doesn't really connect with the rest of the paragraph and feels like trivia. I suggest removing it or putting it in a section that describes how the station has been used (besides as a transport hub)
  • "Plans were drawn up" drawn up feels like slang, maybe "Plans were created"?
    •  Fixed
  • "for a possible line from Outram Park station" are the plans for this new line? If so, you don't need "possible"; replace it with another adjective like "additional" or "new"
    •  Fixed
  • "was awarded to Obayashi Corporation" who awarded the contract?
  • "was situated only 3 meters (9.8 ft)" delete only
    •  Fixed
  • "NEL tunnels were constructed just 5 meters (16 ft)" remove just
    •  Fixed
  • "This had made it difficult for the implementation of the site's temporary retaining walls" -> "This made it difficult to install the site's temporary retaining walls"
    •  Fixed
  • "The artists also devised a way to fuse these elements" Either describe how the elements were fused, or put "The artists fused these elements"
  • "The work was time-consuming, requiring perseverance and focus." This feels MOS:PUFFERY. I think the default in art is that it is time-consuming and requires perseverance and focus to create anything. Highlighting this here isn't necessary and I would delete.
    •  Fixed
  • "Certain motifs, symbols and colours" Like what?
  • "The intriguing combination of signage and seat has "impressed" the judges who awarded it the top prize." Delete has.
    •  Fixed
  • Why is streetdirectory.com a high-quality source?
  • Why is onemap.com a high-quality source?
    • Well initially when needing to back up for the address, I used streetdirectory.com, which is one of the widely used map resources in Singapore. Then I found the more authoritative OneMap which is published by a government agency. I deleted the streetdirectory.com references for now.--ZKang123 (talk) 03:07, 5 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Those are my thoughts. I hope this helps. Z1720 (talk) 23:08, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the input.--ZKang123 (talk) 03:07, 5 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Some comments above. Z1720 (talk) 13:55, 6 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from SandyGeorgia

[edit]
  • You can install User:GregU/dashes.js to keep WP:DASHes versus hyphens sorted.
  • This is odd punctuation: The first entry – Matrix, which received the top prize in the international competition, consists of a series of benches engraved with the station name in a dot-matrix style on the seat surface.
  • This source is red-linked by Headbomb's script:
    "Figure 3. Affected areas in Exercise NorthStar V, Singapore". ResearchGate. Archived from the original on 10 September 2020. Retrieved 22 April 2020.
  • Curious about citations.
    • Is this WP:CITATION OVERKILL? Why does it take three sources to verify this info?
      Contract C707 for the construction of the NEL station and the two commercial buildings above the station was awarded to Obayashi on 18 March 1996 at a contract sum of S$268 million (US$190.07 million).[33][34][35]
      with train services beginning on 12 December when the line extension to Outram Park station was officially completed.[21][22][23]
      The station then served the NSL to Marina Bay station after the system operational split on 4 November 1989.[24][25][26]
  • Tense?
    Prior to the construction, tenants of Amber Mansions have to move out to make way for the construction of this station, with the land already gazetted for acquisition in 1978.[11]
    • And, there are multiple paragraphs with three citations at the end of the para; can they not be attached to exactly which piece of the paragraph they are citing?
  • This is faulty hyphenation ... without the convert, it would correctly be "an 8-meter-high sheet pile wall ... because the convert makes that unwieldy, the sentence needs to be recast to avoid this problem.
    was supported by a 8-meter (26 ft) high sheet pile wall

I don't think this article is quite ready for FAC, and suggest a copyedit is needed in addition to some of this cleanup. These are samples only; no need to get back to me. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:35, 30 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Epicgenius

[edit]

Reserving a spot. Epicgenius (talk) 05:05, 13 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Grammatical stuff:
    • prominent landmarks - By definition, a landmark is usually prominent, unless you're talking about an official designation of some sort.
    • Since 4 November 1989, the line was served by the NSL to Marina Bay station instead. - This sentence in general is strangely worded. Something like "Starting on 4 November 1989, the NSL ran along the line to Marina Bay station" (though it's unclear which line's being talked about, see below).
    • Contract 106 for the design and construction of Dhoby Ghaut and 3 kilometres (1.9 mi) of tunnels between the Somerset and City Hall stations[8] was awarded to a joint venture between French contractor Campenon-Bernard and Singapore Piling and Civil Engineering Company Limited at a sum of S$51.3 million (US$24.28 million) in October 1983 - this sentence is a little long. I can first suggest condensing unnecessary words, such as "at a sum of" -> "for". Similar issues are also present at some points in the article, but it looks like GOCE has not yet started to condense this info.
    • Some words are repetitive. E.g. Investigations revealed that the three pieces of timber meant to support the crane were not properly connected and hence unable to support the crane. The phrase "support the crane" is repeated; the second use can be reworded to something like "...hence unable to provide sufficient support".
      • The station, as the name suggests, was built in Dhoby Ghaut along the eastern end of Orchard Road - "As the name suggests" may also be unnecessary, and you can just say "The station was built in the eponymous Dhoby Ghaut..."
      • Most of the time, you don't need "located" to describe a physical location, like On the NSL, the station is located between Somerset and City Hall stations.
    • Some unnecessary commas. E.g. Construction of the station began in 1996,[32] and was completed in April 2002.[31] As another editor once said, What helps is if you separate the sentences by removing ", and" in your head. (I.e. is "was completed in April 2002" a complete sentence? Since it's not, there shouldn't be a comma between the two sentences.) You may want to check for similar issues in the article.
  • Generally, in addition to the grammatical nitpicks, there are some places where detail could probably be improved
    • The station was opened in 1987 as part of the line extension to Outram Park station - Line extension of the original MRT, I assume.
    • Dhoby Ghaut station is presently the only triple-line MRT interchange station in Singapore. - As of when? Try to avoid terms like "presently" and "currently" per WP:DATED.
    • In the lead, can there be any detail about the general layout? E.g. type of platforms (3 island platforms is mentioned in the infobox)
      • Well, if I have to mention in the lead, then I have to elaborate in the body. However, there is no official documentation to back these facts in the body.--ZKang123 (talk) 10:33, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    • In September 2000, works started for lift access to be added to the station.[25] - when was it completed?
      • Actually rereading the source, the station was one of the first NSEWL stations to have lifts installed by the time of the article. Have changed accordingly.--ZKang123 (talk) 10:33, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    • Dhoby Ghaut was one of four stations which participated in Exercise Northstar V, a mock terrorist exercise held on 8 January 2006.[26][27] - Is this noteworthy enough to mention 15 years later? If so, maybe add some detail about it.
    • Some of the history section sounds like a timeline, such as "In 1987...in 1989...in 2000".
    • With the new NEL platforms, the station expanded to five levels, also integrating with the two-level office complex Atrium@Orchard above the station. - Does the office complex include two of the station's five levels?
    • In the station detail section, you may want to summarize what the shallowest and deepest platforms are.

These are my initial comments. It's pretty decent overall, but I do think the GOCE copyedit would iron out some of the grammar issues. Epicgenius (talk) 17:49, 14 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

May 2021

[edit]

Thanks all for your comments. I have worked on addressing these issues with the GOCE making further changes. @Z1720: and @Epicgenius:, will yall want to look through the article a second time before bringing it to FAC?--ZKang123 (talk) 10:33, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@ZKang123: At a glance it does not look too bad. "Location and name" and "services" seem a little short, but that may be acceptable if that's the most you can find about them. In the history section, has anything notable happened after each platform's opening? Otherwise, the page looks good content-wise, at least from what I can see right now. Epicgenius (talk) 14:30, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@ZKang123: comments added under my section. Z1720 (talk) 23:08, 3 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://wiki.riteme.site/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Dhoby_Ghaut_MRT_station/archive1&oldid=1021755864"