Wikipedia:Peer review/Angelita C. et al. v. California Department of Pesticide Regulation/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review because... topic is obscure but important. Rescued from AfD. I think it is a fairly good case study of regulatory capture, not to mention industrial agriculture and American immigration policy
Thanks, Elinruby (talk) 00:05, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
Comments by Scope_creep
- Walker 2017 is an unreliable source. It should be removed.
- See question about this on your talk page Elinruby (talk) 15:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Strawberry cultivation doesn't have a ref and isn't covered by [2].
- Fruit orchards. That whole para is unrefed.
- yeah ok, self-evident if you know the area, but most people won't. WIll address Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- It has one ref now, needs more Elinruby (talk) 15:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- I'd link artichokes. They are not that well known.
- I'd link Salinas. I don't know if its a fruit or a town
- In Castroville... Very long sentence.
- link University of California, Davis
- generated -> bred
- Moxie and Royal Royce, may increase strawberry yield as much as 29 percent. Copied directly from source?
- Between 1960 and 2014.. Is this a quote? It doesn't seem to have an intro
- Monterey County. Link this.
- These harvests were almost entirely brought in -> Strawberries were almost entirely harvested by
- through back-breaking.. I would split this and expand it slightly as a different subject, e.e. Working conditions for indigeonous Mexican labour
- undocumented is mentioned twice
- speak -> spoke
- Agricultural acreage peaked and began to shrink. No ref and why?
- began -> that began
- Is the current period, although the mention is 1942
- What is drift? Bit confused about this.
- Defined in a seperate article which is fine. scope_creepTalk 23:02, 13 August 2024 (UTC)
- "participants could be exposed to pesticides through" Para seems to be unsourced
- fixed this Elinruby (talk) 15:07, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Centers for Disease Control. Link it
More later. scope_creepTalk 09:25, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
- Central Coast. Link this.
- California Department of Pesticide Regulation. Link
- methyl bromide. Link
- planting -> a crop
* CP and MB. These acronyms are only partially defined.
- these are acronyms for pesticides. Will address Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- disproportionate health harm to Latino school -> disproportionate harm to the health of Latino school
- No reference in this para.
- Notably, the spraying occurred from mid-August through late May, while school was in session. No ref.
- pretty sure that is from the text of the complaint and I don't have a link for it right now, but ok, will fix Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- methyl iodide. Link
- carcinogen, neurotoxin, and endocrine disruptor. Link these
- "Ongoing, systematic and widespread violations.." Odd to open a new section and opening para with quote. Needs an intro
- California DPR. Not defined
- 1,3-dichloropropene. Link
- CDR is not defined.
- Office of Civil Rights. Link possibly
- Al-Jazeera. Link
- Agency whistleblowers described physical intimidation and abusive language. Does this need a ref and full stop?
- added an "and" Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Sheldon Whitehouse. Link
- Rudolf Virchow. Link
- Pressure on EPA regulators often came from lawmakers.At a 2006 ->space
- neurotoxin. Link
- 1,2,3-trichloropropane.Link
- What is Telone?
- it's that 1,3D pesticide. Have not looked yet at first mention of those Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Mention it is a brand name, but too much. Don't want any wp:promo. scope_creepTalk 16:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- it's that 1,3D pesticide. Have not looked yet at first mention of those Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- In the Trump-> During the Trump
They are pouring more and more poison onto the land. No wonder cancer rates were 1 in 10 in 1900 to 1 in 2 now. I will run through it again. scope_creepTalk 21:04, 6 August 2024 (UTC)
- starting at United States Congress
- altered the landscape. I would change that. I would replace with something like "change to working conditions" (may be too specific). Lanscape suggest physical reality rather than policy, maybe political landscape. Lanscape is the wrong context here.
- Possibly link Seth Holmes to Seth M. Holmes
- Montreal ... Seems to be standalone. Was ok yesterday. This is part of a quote. Forget this. scope_creepTalk 07:44, 9 August 2024 (UTC)
- 900% more pesticides -> 900% more pesticide
- Link lung edema
- Link ppm further up the article to Parts-per notation if not done.
- NIOSH 2011 doesn't have a cite
- "Cancer-Causing Pesticide 'Garbage' Taints Tap Water for Millions in California". Environmental Working Group ref is non-rs.
- National Institute of Health (2018). "Agricultural Health Study: 2018 Study Update. Doesn't have a url
The article is starting to look better already. scope_creepTalk 16:32, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Third tranche
- Soil fumigation with chloropicrin (CP) was first introduced in the 1950s and methyl bromide (MB) in the 1960s to improve productivity. This needs a reference. Apparently it statered in 1937 with CP but it needs a seperate ref. scope_creepTalk 05:30, 14 August 2024 (UTC)
Discussion
[edit]- I noticed after I submitted this that a lot of wikilinks hadn't been done. Will do that now.
- I sent you some photos I could upload. They need editing first though. So it would be good to have an opinion on whether they are useful.
- disregard, gmail is telling me they are too big. Calling this a manana problem for now. I did add a map I found on Commons Elinruby (talk) 14:03, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Perhaps Google Drive and send me a share to my email. scope_creepTalk 10:28, 8 August 2024 (UTC)
- disregard, gmail is telling me they are too big. Calling this a manana problem for now. I did add a map I found on Commons Elinruby (talk) 14:03, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Drift as used in the article means a chemical sprayed in the fields that spreads beyond the field. Effects have been recorded 7.5 miles away.
- That wasn't clear, although its plain as day now. I would put an explainer in. scope_creepTalk 10:28, 8 August 2024 (UTC)
- Salinas is a small city and also a county
- Either say county or city of ... scope_creepTalk 16:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- we also have an article for Salinas Valley; went with that Elinruby (talk) 07:04, 8 August 2024 (UTC)
- Either say county or city of ... scope_creepTalk 16:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Whistleblowers of course needs a ref. Pretty sure it is once of the Intercept pieces. Will fix. I tried to take this to DYK under the expansion clause, but couldn't get it done in time. I was pretty tired at the end so I appreciate the review. Elinruby (talk) 06:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- Had some edit conflicts annotating the above but I have checked off the ones I think are done. Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)
- I had a sentence at the beginning of the geography section that defined "Central Coast" and mentioned/linked all the place names you mentioned. Since obviously that wasn't working, I moved the links down to the first mention of each, which theoreticall should make it easier to absorb the info. Let me know what you think.
- I've never heard that term "General Coast". scope_creepTalk 10:29, 8 August 2024 (UTC)
- The unsourced sentences are probably one ref for two sentences, pretty sure, but I will check that and address. Elinruby (talk) 14:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)