Wikipedia:Peer review/2009 Giro d'Italia/archive2
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm less anxious to go to FAC this time. I welcome any possible comments how this article might not yet satisfy the FA criteria. It had undergone substantial copyediting since the previous PR and FAC, so now's a good time for another one.
Thanks, Nosleep (Talk · Contribs) 07:06, 26 December 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is interesting and seems comprehensive. However, I think the lead would be better if it had something about Horillo's accident and the protest and slightly less about Di Luca's drug tests. Some WP:MOS issues still need attention, and I'm not sure the "Jersey wearers when one rider is leading two or more competitions" subsection should stay in the article. Here's my short list of suggestions.
- Reading through the comments generated by the last FAC discussion of this article, I see mention of WP:MOSNUM issues. I don't think they've been completely addressed. The article more often than not uses digits for numbers from 10 up and words for one to nine except in sentences where both big and little numbers appear or where a number starts a sentence. So far, so good. However, this pattern is not entirely consistent within the article. For example, a sentence in the lead says, "The tenth and the sixteenth stages were both called the race's queen stage... ". Shouldn't this be "10th and 16th stages" for consistency? I think "invited as the Giro's twenty-second" should use "22nd" to be consistent. Other examples are "ten-lap criterium", "eleventh stage", "twenty-five minutes", and "eleven teams". If you go through the whole article just looking for these, you'll find more. A sentence like "Points were awarded to the top 20 finishers overall; 170 for first went to Denis Menchov and 2 for twentieth went to Lars Bak" is a mixed bag, but "twentieth" stands out as an odd duck. WP:MOS#Numbers as figures or words has details.
Lead
- "Denis Menchov won the race, having taken the lead in a long time trial in stage 12, and marked closely any attacks by his closest challenger, Danilo Di Luca, during the mountain stages of the last week." - Insert "having" between "and" and "marked"? Also, would it be helpful to explain "attack"? Perhaps "surges"? Suggestion: "Denis Menchov won the race, having taken the lead in a long time trial in stage 12 and having marked closely any attacks (surges) by his closest challenger, Danilo Di Luca, during the mountain stages of the last week."
- "but won the mauve jersey as points classification winner" - Jargon. "Mauve jersey" and "points classification winner" will be mystery terms to non-cycling fans unless they are briefly explained on first use. Just a word or two in parentheses might be all that's needed. Ditto for "A-samples" in the next sentence and "B-samples" in the next. Perhaps the solution is to stick to a general summary in this paragraph and to give the details and translations in the main text sections.
- "The analysis of the B-samples from those controls confirmed the initial results, making it likely that Di Luca will be stripped of some or all of his results from the race." - Should the verb be "would" instead of "will"?
Teams
- "so the Giro began with a peloton of 198 cyclists" - Wikilink peloton?
Race previews and favorites
- "Silence–Lotto star Cadel Evans was originally announced to be taking part in the Giro,[16] but he publicly announced shortly afterward that he would not ride it, and accused RCS Sport (the organizers of the race) of using his name to promote the event." - Replace the first "announced" with "said" to avoid repetition?
- Should "breakaway" and "sprint" be briefly explained?
Route and stages
- "other first-category climbs" - Should "first-category climb" be explained? Can it be quantified?
Race overview
- "Di Luca had given two positive tests for... ". - Here's where the A and B tests could be explained rather than in the lead.
Jersey wearers when one rider is leading two or more competitions
- The details about the jerseys seem unnecessary to this outsider to bicycle racing. I'd consider deleting the subsection entirely.
References
- Some of the citations are incomplete. For example, citation 3 should include the publisher, Future Publishing Limited, and so should the other citations to Cycling News.
- The author's last name should come first in the citations. For example, citation 4 should start "Gallagher, Brendan" rather than "Brendan Gallagher".
- I think Cycling News should be italicized since it's a periodical with an editorial staff. The "About us" link at the site has details about the nature of Cycling News. Ditto for Velo News(citation 59), which also needs to include the publisher.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 00:54, 8 January 2010 (UTC)