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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:02, 8 October 2008 [1].

Metroid (series)

[edit]
Nominator(s): Judgesurreal777 (talk)
previous FAC (20:27, 31 March 2008)

This article is much better, having been FA'd once to great improvement and then worked on in peer review. All issues should be addressed now, so lets' do this again! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 13:35, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Giggy (ec)

  • I'm thinking the first two sentences could be merged quite nicely into one.
  • I barely play this series, but... is there a logo for the series as a whole? Compare this article's opening image with that on Age of Empires, a logo based on the whole series (so to speak), as opposed to this one which seems to just be taken from one game
  • "It is also one of Nintendo's best selling franchises with 14 million games sold" - cut the also
  • "secondary characters such as Mother Brain and Ridley" - any articles/lists to link to for these guys?
  • "which allows Samus to curl into a ball and roll into tight places and plant bombs" - servers down so I can't do it myself.... remove the first and and replace with a comma, or something like that
  • "Further, Metroid had five different endings..." - remove the further
  • "made by the ancient Chozo who specifically designed it for her" --> "specifically designed for her by the ancient Chozo" (relevant article/list?)
  • "because he died in order to save Samus in a previous mission" - Samus --> her
  • Just noticed ref 7 needs a publisher
  • If you're going to use the Samus image you'll need more discussion of her appearance alongside it
  • "similar to Samus's" - I don't think you're meant to use the second s (after the apostrophe)

More to come... tomorrow, hopefully. Giggy (talk) 14:50, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Notes for both of you - I have fixed the broken or strange reference issues, and in the process found some good references. Also, there are no other articles on the world of metroid except for Samus Aran, because they don't have enough notability on their own. Also, there is no official series logo, other than the words "Metroid" and the screw attack symbol which are used very differently with every game release. And finally, the metadrake fan site you referenced shows the actual Metroid comic book images, so it is reliable because the text references what happens in the comic, and I link right to it. Finally, I will add more on Samus to the article in her section. Thanks for your reviews! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 16:57, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I added about two more sentences on Samus' in universe background, as the actual real world creation is already put in the article, so both aspects are now covered. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 19:43, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose—1a. Surprised there's still this much to do. Here are random examples just from the top.

  • MoS breach: "It is noted". Just say it, as long as you cite this assertion in the main text somewhere.
  • MoS breach: "currently" (Have you read MoS?). "as of 2008", not linked, please.
  • "best selling"—what's missing? And do we need "selling" and "sold" in the same line?
  • "longtime", I think, shouldn't be a single word. I'd just remove it.
  • Rather long sentence, and the last two words appear stuck out at the end. "Metroid chronicles the missions of bounty hunter Samus Aran to protect the galaxy from the depredations of the Space Pirates and their attempts to harness the power of fictional organisms such as the eponymous Metroids against civilization." Tony (talk) 07:42, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah Tony I have, but it's really long and constantly changing. I fixed your corrections, and will scan the text today from top to bottom because I still think it's ready. If it's still got tons of work, then Sandy can remove it, as I am not the best at copyediting and usually have help on these things. But I will do my best :) Judgesurreal777 (talk) 08:22, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Images (all non-free) check out ok; I'd like to see appropriate copyright ownership on the Samus and original Metroid pictures to round them out, but that's not going to fail their use here. --MASEM 16:09, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose. This article is good, but it has some issues, chief among them being that it wanders into unnecessary detail: The protagonists/antagonists section feels like someone adapted a List of Metroid series enemies or something and then plopped it in. Samus and the important antagonists can be mentioned in the story.
    • Some major grammar issues, such as "Lion Rock Productions reacquired the rights a few years later, and Lion Rock Productions was to produce and release before 2006, but has been either canceled or remains in development hell."
    • If the logo used at the beginning of the article isn't indicative of any sort of style or logoface for the series, why not just axe it and stick Samus right up at the top of the article?

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 00:14, 6 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the notes David, and again, I will very shortly run through this with a fine tooth comb to catch anything I didn't catch already, but I do think it's ready. If then people still see anything other than a minor issue to two, Sandy should remove for the time being. Thanks in advance for the patience. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 00:32, 6 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Upon review, I think I'm going to withdraw this. Thanks for the comments recieved, I have fixed the things mentioned so the article has improved, but I think there still is probably grammar issues and trimming to do, so I hope someone someday gets this to FA. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 14:45, 8 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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